The plane dipped it’s wings around the hill and there it was, Abuja. It was still a growing little city with neither the sound and fury of Lagos nor the aggressive determination and hustle of Onitsha. Unique in its sense of self importance, it has grown considerably from its modest origins in a few amazingly short years. It has a culture that is entirely its own. In as much as Abuja believes its own inherent transformative powers, it still in awe of Lagos and that rare breed of indestructible humanity called Lagosians.
Few things make life more interesting than the unpredictability of sudden fabulous wealth, therein lies the entire premise of life in Abuja, you could go so far as to say that most people in the city live be the singular belief “anything can happen”.
Everybody believes that they are just one contract away from making into the big time, in a town where the 90% of the commerce is driven by government expenditure, it not inconceivable that a hard working hustler can go from zero to “I don hammer!” if they luck into the right government contract or become friends with people who are friends to people with the right contacts. Everybody believes; hopes springs eternal in this city. The only stories worth telling are legends of Titans whose empires seemingly sprung up over night. The myth of overnight success is a main stay here, it is what drives Abuja, here today, stinking rich tomorrow, baby.
Love the night life here though, there is nothing quite like eating a whole F*#&ing fish by yourself, it is just ridiculous the amount of time spent drinking beer, slurping goat head and generally living like chiefs. Yes, life here is one long display of conspicuous consumption after another. It is almost as if the primary aim each day is to lay waste to as much money as possible, probably in the mistaken assumption that somehow it will translate into respect; but then again, who is to say that it does not translate into envy?
There is an unspoken code to the wanton spending, roughly translated it would read something like “ I can spend like a crazy person all I want but please do not take me or my irrational binge behavior for granted”. The strength of relationships in Abuja is often based on the fact that people take everything at face value, there is neither the desire nor the inclination to delve deeper. Most times the “Efeezy” is all that matters, If you are spending recklessly it must be because you have it in excess, but somehow can’t possibly be true when everybody spends lavishly, all the time in ABJ.
Tangentially , how many people really have made it anyway? Americans have a saying “fake it, till you make it” Abuja has a lot of faking it, there is nothing wrong with admitting you are not there yet, but in a town where everybody wants to belong, few would admit to bellyaches even as the
grueling from their stomachs alerts the world to the true state of their finances. The culture of Oga this, Oga that, is so pervasive, everybody wants to be a movie star (i am using movie star as a euphemism for wealth) but nobody wants to be seen sweating to make it. Corruption is endemic in everything that is done in Abuja, every contract issued has kickbacks built into it, every service is overcharged but it is, what it is, a golden faux promise, still a growing city.
Life as it happens
Jun 24, 2010
Mar 25, 2010
Bait and the fish.
His car rolled to a stop in front of me. He jumped out and strolled towards my direction. An engaging man with a hearty laugh, he laughed at everything. People would naturally gravitate to him; he spent with the abundant ease of someone who has always had money. There was a charm to his countenance that pulled you in; I imagined he was a lady killer.
I acted calm like I did this every day. Barely looking in my direction he handed me a bundle of notes in a wrapper. It was 10 large, I had never seen that kind of money before, I started to sweat lightly into my nightshirt. He was talking a lot, going over details, I was responding appropriately, I hoped. How was it possible to function on two totally divergent levels like this? Jeez, I was freaking the fuck out mentally but I was still holding what I think is a plausible conversation about the peculiarities of this transaction. I wanted to be left alone, to understand this moment, to wallow in the pleasure I felt from the tight bundle in my pocket. But I realized that any show of not having been here before would torpedo this, right here, right now. I could not let that happen, I have to continue to hold it together. He stopped talking briefly; looked me in the eye and asked if I was up to this? I reaffirmed that I was; and just like that he was gone. For a minute I stood there shaking, TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING, KIDDING ME!
I burst through the door, wood chips from the shattered door flew in all directions, huddled the coffee table, that was in the middle of the room, my eyes instantly scanning the large windows to my left. As my head started its sweeping arc towards the French windows, I knew instinctively that I was not alone, I could feel and hear the swishing sound of the club, and then an explosion hit the back of my head, just behind my left ear. I fall straight through, into the rising darkness without another sound. I slowly became aware of the light, my throbbing head seemed to be expanding and contracting too rapidly for me to be able to get my bearings, I try to deduce what was going on around me. The light was burning a hole through my eye lids, I could hear his voice in the background, calmly giving orders to someone , I try to focus on the source but the light is too strong, I can’t see past a couple of feet or so. Strangely what I feel is not fear or remorse but regret, I knew I was over, my train was pulling into its final station, the very last stop, on what has frankly been a disastrous journey.
I acted calm like I did this every day. Barely looking in my direction he handed me a bundle of notes in a wrapper. It was 10 large, I had never seen that kind of money before, I started to sweat lightly into my nightshirt. He was talking a lot, going over details, I was responding appropriately, I hoped. How was it possible to function on two totally divergent levels like this? Jeez, I was freaking the fuck out mentally but I was still holding what I think is a plausible conversation about the peculiarities of this transaction. I wanted to be left alone, to understand this moment, to wallow in the pleasure I felt from the tight bundle in my pocket. But I realized that any show of not having been here before would torpedo this, right here, right now. I could not let that happen, I have to continue to hold it together. He stopped talking briefly; looked me in the eye and asked if I was up to this? I reaffirmed that I was; and just like that he was gone. For a minute I stood there shaking, TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING, KIDDING ME!
I burst through the door, wood chips from the shattered door flew in all directions, huddled the coffee table, that was in the middle of the room, my eyes instantly scanning the large windows to my left. As my head started its sweeping arc towards the French windows, I knew instinctively that I was not alone, I could feel and hear the swishing sound of the club, and then an explosion hit the back of my head, just behind my left ear. I fall straight through, into the rising darkness without another sound. I slowly became aware of the light, my throbbing head seemed to be expanding and contracting too rapidly for me to be able to get my bearings, I try to deduce what was going on around me. The light was burning a hole through my eye lids, I could hear his voice in the background, calmly giving orders to someone , I try to focus on the source but the light is too strong, I can’t see past a couple of feet or so. Strangely what I feel is not fear or remorse but regret, I knew I was over, my train was pulling into its final station, the very last stop, on what has frankly been a disastrous journey.
Mar 10, 2010
03.10.2010
Somehow I always manage to lie down on the only needle in the haystack.
A confusing run of misfortune that just might be the result of severe lack of preparation on my part.
Or is it my extremely poor coordination, inaccurate forecasting or just plain dumb, bad luck.
Whatever the cause, I need to make adjustments quick or become a cautionary tale, another spent arrow that missed it’s mark.
I seem to have cornered the market on finding the delusional, a giant ball of unawareness walking around to the sound track from flash dance, completely out of tune to the world and the reality me.
No I am not angel but I also can’t seem to shake the feeling that in this game of cards, someone keeps dealing me hands from the bottom of the pile.
Every hand I play, is a high risk gamble.
No safe bets , it’s either all in or fold.
Like a dog chasing it tail, I just might be on a fool’s errand.
I need to redefine my universe or risk falling into the blackness of my own space.
I pray for peace, even as the storm in my soul braces for a hurricane.
Judge not, lest ye be judged even more harshly.
A confusing run of misfortune that just might be the result of severe lack of preparation on my part.
Or is it my extremely poor coordination, inaccurate forecasting or just plain dumb, bad luck.
Whatever the cause, I need to make adjustments quick or become a cautionary tale, another spent arrow that missed it’s mark.
I seem to have cornered the market on finding the delusional, a giant ball of unawareness walking around to the sound track from flash dance, completely out of tune to the world and the reality me.
No I am not angel but I also can’t seem to shake the feeling that in this game of cards, someone keeps dealing me hands from the bottom of the pile.
Every hand I play, is a high risk gamble.
No safe bets , it’s either all in or fold.
Like a dog chasing it tail, I just might be on a fool’s errand.
I need to redefine my universe or risk falling into the blackness of my own space.
I pray for peace, even as the storm in my soul braces for a hurricane.
Judge not, lest ye be judged even more harshly.
Feb 21, 2010
Another perfect day in heaven
Yep! It’s another perfect day in Heaven. This will make it the 1,649, 800, 000, 000, 000th day without a cloud in the sky, any snow on the ground, a tsunami or any of that nonsense that bothers the poor souls down there on earth. This being Heaven, we have always had the galaxies as our carpet, there is always light, there is no shortage of anything and everybody here is well behaved, even tempered and nice, what a wonderful place!
Oh it wasn’t always so nice, there was that time when Lucifer formed an army and tried to overthrow the government, and those were dark days indeed. Thank god for the bravery of angel Gabriel and the heavenly hosts (which is not to be confused with “ The Heavenly hostesses” massage parlor on the corner of Broadway and Houston, that place was opened by Eve after she returned from the garden of Eden). But that was then and this is now, and today, like every other day up here, everything is perfect. All the mansions up here are built from recyclable everlasting materials, because this is Heaven. We try to keep everyone happy, even those hippie tree huggers, they are also God’s children (even though I have my doubts about that, there is that little rumor about that time some angels went down to earth and fathered a race of giants, whose descendants later turned up in California but this is Heaven and we do not say such things).
Here in Heaven, you can think and project your thoughts into the stream of thoughts super database where everyone can read all thoughts, although the service tends to be spotty because it is being managed by Sprint. There has been a passionate debate lately on the merits of switching carriers to maybe T Mobile.
Yes we are in Heaven, population….., however many people have lived on earth less the ones that were really cruel to animals, less the Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, and Hari krismas, in fact less everyone but themselves if you go by the Christian heavenly population calculator or If you are from the Islamic paradise population computation school of thought then that number would be much larger. They use a more liberal permutation based on the acceptance that others besides their esteemed selves can be counted as legal occupants of heaven.
Here in Heaven everybody lives according to their beliefs when they were alive on earth. The Neanderthals never worshiped anything, did not care to have a defined social structure and were only accepted into heaven on a technicality (something about how they were also God’s creations and deserved their place at his side). Ever since they were accepted in, the Baboons, Gorillas and Chimpanzees have all put in formal requests to be granted exceptions based on the same rules that were used in the Neanderthalian hearings, these cases are still pending.
Anyway, the happiest people up here are the Muslims ( But bear in mind everybody up here is happy and that happiness is relative and that this does not mean that the Muslims are walking around giddy as if on ecstasy,….. on second thoughts, it does mean that the Muslims are enjoying a state of happiness whose only description can be called giddiness, OK they are giddy.), reason being they are only ones allowed any kind of carnal interests, in fact the lucky ones with the right papers and proper qualification can apply to be assigned seven consorts. The Christians put up a brave face about all of this, after all on earth, they had professed themselves to be pious hence above such trivial interests but secretly they wish things were a little different.
This morning at breakfast during the sharing of manna and honey (oh yes, manna and honey is shared for lunch and dinner as well), it was suggested that an excursion be organized to hell, to see how the other half was living these days. There was a loud murmur of approval; it has been awhile since anyone took a field trip.
Oh it wasn’t always so nice, there was that time when Lucifer formed an army and tried to overthrow the government, and those were dark days indeed. Thank god for the bravery of angel Gabriel and the heavenly hosts (which is not to be confused with “ The Heavenly hostesses” massage parlor on the corner of Broadway and Houston, that place was opened by Eve after she returned from the garden of Eden). But that was then and this is now, and today, like every other day up here, everything is perfect. All the mansions up here are built from recyclable everlasting materials, because this is Heaven. We try to keep everyone happy, even those hippie tree huggers, they are also God’s children (even though I have my doubts about that, there is that little rumor about that time some angels went down to earth and fathered a race of giants, whose descendants later turned up in California but this is Heaven and we do not say such things).
Here in Heaven, you can think and project your thoughts into the stream of thoughts super database where everyone can read all thoughts, although the service tends to be spotty because it is being managed by Sprint. There has been a passionate debate lately on the merits of switching carriers to maybe T Mobile.
Yes we are in Heaven, population….., however many people have lived on earth less the ones that were really cruel to animals, less the Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, and Hari krismas, in fact less everyone but themselves if you go by the Christian heavenly population calculator or If you are from the Islamic paradise population computation school of thought then that number would be much larger. They use a more liberal permutation based on the acceptance that others besides their esteemed selves can be counted as legal occupants of heaven.
Here in Heaven everybody lives according to their beliefs when they were alive on earth. The Neanderthals never worshiped anything, did not care to have a defined social structure and were only accepted into heaven on a technicality (something about how they were also God’s creations and deserved their place at his side). Ever since they were accepted in, the Baboons, Gorillas and Chimpanzees have all put in formal requests to be granted exceptions based on the same rules that were used in the Neanderthalian hearings, these cases are still pending.
Anyway, the happiest people up here are the Muslims ( But bear in mind everybody up here is happy and that happiness is relative and that this does not mean that the Muslims are walking around giddy as if on ecstasy,….. on second thoughts, it does mean that the Muslims are enjoying a state of happiness whose only description can be called giddiness, OK they are giddy.), reason being they are only ones allowed any kind of carnal interests, in fact the lucky ones with the right papers and proper qualification can apply to be assigned seven consorts. The Christians put up a brave face about all of this, after all on earth, they had professed themselves to be pious hence above such trivial interests but secretly they wish things were a little different.
This morning at breakfast during the sharing of manna and honey (oh yes, manna and honey is shared for lunch and dinner as well), it was suggested that an excursion be organized to hell, to see how the other half was living these days. There was a loud murmur of approval; it has been awhile since anyone took a field trip.
Feb 10, 2010
Some perspective required
Permit me to try and entertain you for the next, .. Oh, however long it takes you read this. This is going to be the literary equivalent of a magic show. There will be things you see, that you can’t comprehend, things that befuddle and amaze you. You will find yourself knocked back into your chair saying; “oh no you d’in”. What I will be performing for your reading pleasure today, is an old sleight of hand trick, oops.., did I say trick? I meant magic (trick). Do not be alarmed by anything you feel or read, while this intended to be all kinds of delicious, there will appear to be a diabolical bend to the proceedings that might be hard for the weak minded to stomach. You are allowed to stand and applaud but you can’t touch the props or ask how it was done. There are trade secrets involved here, skills acquired from spending countless hours at the bar; and you have view only rights. Please do not attempt this at home and If had any small print I would read it to you or at least I would have encouraged you to read it before you proceed any further. In the absence of this, permit me to quote you some Latin instead, “Stultorum infinitus est numerous”. Certain aspects of this will make you angry and but it is also funny, so that kind of balances it out beautifully. Yes since this was intended for matured audiences only, you have to be over the age of 18 to swim in these murky waters. Please be aware that while this is age neutral material, age appropriateness’ is subject to the intended proper use of this material. The objectivity of the writer cannot be relied on or determined beforehand. Please remain seated throughout, turn off your cell phones and try to concentrate on the action on the page. I intend to proceed very quickly and will not be stopping to accommodate you slow pokes out there. This is strictly intended for the nimble minded; if you find yourself tuning out at any point, recognize that was the point where the script evolved past your level. Now on to the show, I need you to lean forward slightly,… closer, …closer still, until your nose is almost touching the monitor, hold it there for two minutes. Now skip to the bottom of this page and continue.
There, did you feel foolish doing that? You certainly looked very foolish sitting there with your face pressed up against the computer screen. Hopefully nobody walked by and saw you doing that or they would think you were “LOSING IT”. Well as promised it was a trick and you might not be too happy but you were warned beforehand. A small practical lesson on blindly following instructions, always ask why. Oh, and that Latin quote from earlier; it means “Infinite is the number of fools”.
Edu Nnadi
Feb 9, 2010
Jobs you don't want
This is mostly for the benefit of my “unaffiliated” friends, for the esoteric, this is an obvious one. Beware of the three hour job that pays $5K a month. Em…., it is not real. This has been out there for a while now, along with the lottery I won in England and the $5,000,000.00 Toyota was giving away in Hong Kong but if I am still getting these, that means it is still working for the scammers that send them out, hence the warning. Even if nothing else, please pay heed to the language of the bogus offer, it’s all you need to tip you off.
And while we are on this topic, there are no Nigerian princes with millions of dollars to stash or crude oil procurement leases to sell and please in the name of God do not cash any over paid checks which requests you wire the difference.
Good time of a day dear Mr. NNADI ! -Em... yeah, whatever, but go on.
Our HR managers found your curriculum vitae on the Ladders. They looked through your curriculum vitae and work experience and highly recommends you for this work in our organization because your data is consistent with our requirements. We’d like to offer you a position of an Freelancer in our organization. - Freelance what?
The given work consists of the following tasks:
- actual filing of reports on the carried out work - If this were legitimate, it would be cheaper to use a temp agency.
- record keeping of customers in the USA. - Same as above.
- business partners information support - Only God knows what this means, is it the same as customer service support or are we talking Database management or Is it Tech support?
- fulfillment of financial transactions on the territory of the USA - All over the USA? I would like to see their budget. Obviously they are using an auto filler to plug in the country, "territory of the USA"?
You will receive more detailed instructions during an interview over the phone. -
Person specification :
- Age: starting from 25 - Age discrimination is against the law in the US, can't happen.
- Citizenship: US
- Time: must have from 3 to 5 hours of free time a day for carrying out his/her obligations. Payment for this work makes up to 5000USD per month. The payment will be carried out to your transaction account every month. There are many hunters willing to take up this vacancy therefore we’re kindly asking you not to delay with your decision about this work. - If there are that many people willing to do this job, why are they sending out emails to anonymous people that did not apply for the job?
If this work is interesting to you, then please follow these steps:
1) Register at our web-site. To do so click on this link . Please fill out every field correctly, since data will be checked by our security department. - Please do not do any such thing, your "data" is all they want from you.
2) Pass an interview over the phone.- Will never happen, nobody is calling you, if they do, it is to complete the scam.
3) Sign a contract with our organization. - How? Over the phone?
4) Send the signed contract via fax or email.- Right, employment by proxy i guess?
With best regards HR department of InterWeb Exchange
We’re looking forward to a long-term cooperation. - InterWeb exchange, how phony is that?
Edu Nnadi
And while we are on this topic, there are no Nigerian princes with millions of dollars to stash or crude oil procurement leases to sell and please in the name of God do not cash any over paid checks which requests you wire the difference.
Good time of a day dear Mr. NNADI ! -Em... yeah, whatever, but go on.
Our HR managers found your curriculum vitae on the Ladders. They looked through your curriculum vitae and work experience and highly recommends you for this work in our organization because your data is consistent with our requirements. We’d like to offer you a position of an Freelancer in our organization. - Freelance what?
The given work consists of the following tasks:
- actual filing of reports on the carried out work - If this were legitimate, it would be cheaper to use a temp agency.
- record keeping of customers in the USA. - Same as above.
- business partners information support - Only God knows what this means, is it the same as customer service support or are we talking Database management or Is it Tech support?
- fulfillment of financial transactions on the territory of the USA - All over the USA? I would like to see their budget. Obviously they are using an auto filler to plug in the country, "territory of the USA"?
You will receive more detailed instructions during an interview over the phone. -
Person specification :
- Age: starting from 25 - Age discrimination is against the law in the US, can't happen.
- Citizenship: US
- Time: must have from 3 to 5 hours of free time a day for carrying out his/her obligations. Payment for this work makes up to 5000USD per month. The payment will be carried out to your transaction account every month. There are many hunters willing to take up this vacancy therefore we’re kindly asking you not to delay with your decision about this work. - If there are that many people willing to do this job, why are they sending out emails to anonymous people that did not apply for the job?
If this work is interesting to you, then please follow these steps:
1) Register at our web-site. To do so click on this link . Please fill out every field correctly, since data will be checked by our security department. - Please do not do any such thing, your "data" is all they want from you.
2) Pass an interview over the phone.- Will never happen, nobody is calling you, if they do, it is to complete the scam.
3) Sign a contract with our organization. - How? Over the phone?
4) Send the signed contract via fax or email.- Right, employment by proxy i guess?
With best regards HR department of InterWeb Exchange
We’re looking forward to a long-term cooperation. - InterWeb exchange, how phony is that?
Edu Nnadi
Feb 3, 2010
Social Butterfly
So I logged into my Spacebook or is it Myface to see what was up with all my “friends” but encountered all kinds of weirdness, i promptly logged out again before I succumbed to the stupidity and told everybody my status. I know, I know, checking the status of your “friends” four or five times a day has become a way of life and you can’t imagine life without knowing that Festus says “this is it”. But when did we become such fans of madness? Random sentences made without context often left like vomit on the sidewalk for dogs to consume. There is certain arrogance and over inflated sense of self-worth that make us assume that our “friends” are interested in knowing “I just left the comfy chair”. The sins of the fathers are no longer visited on the children but on the 547 friends who must wake up to your live feeds. Everybody is a fan of something, sometimes it is not enough to be a friend of someone, you also have to be a fan to their business, join their group and link to their blogs. Do not forget that you have the option to “Like This” or that, without having to ever bother explaining what it is you find so likable. Social networking is a lot like prostitution, you can’t be a part-timer, once you start, you are in. The joy of the new age, the exhilaration of discovering people from your past, whom you thought were beyond your sphere of contact forever; suddenly only a friend request away, has been replaced by the need to remind your “friends” you still exist. Someone once told me status updates is alot like walking around shouting random sentences at the crowd on a street corner. I could not agree more, I plead guilty as charged though, I have given in to the compulsive urge before myself many many times,.. unfortunately. Having used the anonymity of our new village square to make unnecessary and mostly uninformative noises in the process of updating my status, I have become an internet vagabond, trolling cyber space in search of …… what? I am not sure exactly, could it be validation, applause or condemnation? Certainly can’t be last, but all three are available in abundant supply on the internet. My day is only as productive as the times when I am not online trying to elicit a reaction from strangers, validation is the now measured by page views, click counts and retarded comments associated to my sometimes fantastically mediocre writing. John the Baptist preaching in the desert managed to gather an audience, makes you wonder if the people were initially attracted by the spectacle of a wild eyed man talking to himself or the indisputable truth of his message. It is the same question that I have for people with 1000 friends, is it the rodeo or the clown? One of them is the reason for the infection. And all these pictures with only you in it, why is it necessary? Picture after picture, of you staring into the same empty space. Sometimes the pictures are sideways, you know, the ones you take….. of yourself with your phone? Why do you feel the need to share this with your “friends”? Some of these pictures would qualify as low grade porn, but it is important you post them to your web-page; you just know everybody wants to see them. “Everything in moderation” except for our hourly status updates which should be as outrageous and as loud as we can make them; because you see, we need the attention. I am a little tired of people that pose rhetorical questions to themselves, with the hope that their “friends” will jump in for a swim in the muddy waters of silly question meets silly person. We seem willing to indulge each other to no end, arms joined at the elbows; we have formed a giant link pulling each other, maybe even the human race into the sewers of intellectual debasement. Yes, finally, please stop sending your “friends” electronic bear hugs, they are completely useless.
Edu Nnadi
Edu Nnadi
Jan 29, 2010
Dogs In Camouflage
From: GeNS@gtbank.com
Subject: Customer Security Alert...
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:13:12 -0800
Dear Guaranty Trust Bank Customer,
Your access to Online Service has been suspended due to a mis-match of access code between your Security details. To enable you continue accessing your online account, it will only take you few minutes to re-activate your account. Click on the guide-link below and follow the directions to instant activation of your account and Security information
https://gtbplc.com/customer.ibc?WT.svl=ibcplogon
*Important*
NOTE: FAILURE CAN RESULT TO PERMANENT ACCOUNT SUSPENSION.
P. R. JOHN
Security Advisor
Guaranty Trust Bank © 2010.
Can you spot all that is wrong with this fraudulent notice?
I post this not to brandish some sort of superior skills in technical writing but to point out flaws that should alert you, if you ever get one of these messages asking you to follow a link somewhere to update your information.
1. "NOTE: FAILURE CAN RESULT TO PERMANENT ACCOUNT SUSPENSION" – This does not make any sense even in Afghanistan. Why would your failure to respond to an online notice result in permanent suspension of your account?
2. "Your access to Online Service has been suspended due to a mis-match of access code between your Security details." – A. The grammar is wrong, B. The supposed error is technically impossible.
3. "To enable you continue accessing your online account, it will only take you few minutes to re-activate your account."– The first part of the sentence has nothing to do with the second part. The writer started out thinking one thing and then jumped to something else, without completing the first thought. Plus, If there is a mismatch (note: not mis-match), then what are they comparing it against? The bad code or the wrong data?
4. Click on the guide-link below and follow the directions to instant activation of your account and Security information - I bet they meant to say "instantly reactivate" and would it not be reactivate since your account was "active" before?
Edu Nnadi
Subject: Customer Security Alert...
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:13:12 -0800
Dear Guaranty Trust Bank Customer,
Your access to Online Service has been suspended due to a mis-match of access code between your Security details. To enable you continue accessing your online account, it will only take you few minutes to re-activate your account. Click on the guide-link below and follow the directions to instant activation of your account and Security information
https://gtbplc.com/customer.ibc?WT.svl=ibcplogon
*Important*
NOTE: FAILURE CAN RESULT TO PERMANENT ACCOUNT SUSPENSION.
P. R. JOHN
Security Advisor
Guaranty Trust Bank © 2010.
Can you spot all that is wrong with this fraudulent notice?
I post this not to brandish some sort of superior skills in technical writing but to point out flaws that should alert you, if you ever get one of these messages asking you to follow a link somewhere to update your information.
1. "NOTE: FAILURE CAN RESULT TO PERMANENT ACCOUNT SUSPENSION" – This does not make any sense even in Afghanistan. Why would your failure to respond to an online notice result in permanent suspension of your account?
2. "Your access to Online Service has been suspended due to a mis-match of access code between your Security details." – A. The grammar is wrong, B. The supposed error is technically impossible.
3. "To enable you continue accessing your online account, it will only take you few minutes to re-activate your account."– The first part of the sentence has nothing to do with the second part. The writer started out thinking one thing and then jumped to something else, without completing the first thought. Plus, If there is a mismatch (note: not mis-match), then what are they comparing it against? The bad code or the wrong data?
4. Click on the guide-link below and follow the directions to instant activation of your account and Security information - I bet they meant to say "instantly reactivate" and would it not be reactivate since your account was "active" before?
Edu Nnadi
Jan 15, 2010
Haiti
What is one supposed to make of these pictures of broken bodies and wretched space? Sometimes carnage of this scale is hard to grasp. The immediacy of the suffering and pain is diluted by distance and the lens of a camera. I feel helpless, paralyze be the sheer scale of the devastation, the sad look in the face of the children juxtaposed besides the forlorn stare of the adults. All the pictures show bodies, bodies everywhere, under cars, buildings, all kinds of boulders, everybody is wearing a coat of white dust. Catastrophic events always serve to demonstrate the smallness of man in the universe of things, they serve to show the uselessness of our everyday pursuits in the face of true events of unimaginable proportions. The dead lie there, with their dreams intact, progress broken forever by the harsh faith of the unlucky, but in times like this you are best served by saving your tears and prayers for the living. They must continue to try and make sense of the hopelessness around them, they must continue the journey, they must pick up the completely shattered threads of their former lives and go on living. The hundreds of millions of dollars you are sending will hopefully buy clothes and provisions but it I will not bring back friends and families, these lives are forever scarred, changed forever in mere minutes. Say a prayer for the dead, spare a coin for the living. Last week those bodies on the floor had plans and today…….,
Jan 10, 2010
Is There Anything We Will Not Do For Money?
Via Time Magazine: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1952335,00.html
For a South African victim of human trafficking, this was the endgame. On a freezing night last July, Sindiswa, 17, lay curled in a fetal position in bed No. 7 of a state-run hospice in central Bloemfontein. Well-used fly strips hung between fluorescent lights, pale blue paint flaked off the walls, and fresh blood stained her sheets, the rusty bedpost and the linoleum floor. Sindiswa had full-blown AIDS and tuberculosis, and she was three months pregnant. Sweat poured from her forehead as she whispered her story through parched lips covered with sores. A few blocks away, the roars of rugby fans erupted from Free State Stadium. In June the roars will be from fans of the World Cup.
For a South African victim of human trafficking, this was the endgame. On a freezing night last July, Sindiswa, 17, lay curled in a fetal position in bed No. 7 of a state-run hospice in central Bloemfontein. Well-used fly strips hung between fluorescent lights, pale blue paint flaked off the walls, and fresh blood stained her sheets, the rusty bedpost and the linoleum floor. Sindiswa had full-blown AIDS and tuberculosis, and she was three months pregnant. Sweat poured from her forehead as she whispered her story through parched lips covered with sores. A few blocks away, the roars of rugby fans erupted from Free State Stadium. In June the roars will be from fans of the World Cup.
Sindiswa's family was one of the poorest families in Indwe, the poorest district in Eastern Cape, one of the poorest provinces in South Africa. Ninety-five percent of the residents of her township fall below the poverty line, more than a quarter have HIV, and most survive by clinging to government grants. Orphaned at 16, she had to leave school to support herself. Last February, a woman from a neighboring town offered to find work for her and her 15-year-old best friend, Elizabeth, who, like Sindiswa, was poor but was also desperate to escape her violent older sister. (I have changed Elizabeth's name to protect her identity.)
After driving them eight hours north to Bloemfontein, the recruiter sold them to a Nigerian drug and human-trafficking syndicate in exchange for $120 and crack cocaine. "[The recruiter] said we could find a job," Sindiswa recalled, "but as soon as we got here, she told us, 'No. You have to go into the streets and sell yourselves.'" The buyer, Jude, forced them into prostitution on the streets of central Bloemfontein for 12 straight hours every night. Each morning, he collected their earnings — Sindiswa averaged $40 per night; Elizabeth, $65. Elizabeth tried to escape three times, once absconding for several weeks. Jude always found her or used Sindiswa as a hostage to lure her back, then enlisted an enforcer named Rasta to beat her.
It is unclear if Sindiswa contracted HIV before or after she was sold, but some of her clients didn't use condoms. She was diagnosed with the virus only a week before I met her. When she was too sick to stand and thus useless as a slave, Jude had thrown her onto the street. Nurses expected her to die within days.
Despite more than a dozen international conventions banning slavery in the past 150 years, there are more slaves today than at any point in human history. Slaves are those forced to perform services for no pay beyond subsistence and for the profit of others who hold them through fraud and violence. While most are held in debt bondage in the poorest regions of South Asia, some are trafficked in the midst of thriving development. Such is the case here in Africa's wealthiest country, the host of this year's World Cup. While South Africa invests billions to prepare its infrastructure for the half-million visitors expected to attend, tens of thousands of children have become ensnared in sexual slavery, and those who profit from their abuse are also preparing for the tournament. During a three-week investigation into human-trafficking syndicates operating near two stadiums, I found a lucrative trade in child sex. The children, sold for as little as $45, can earn more than $600 per night for their captors. "I'm really looking forward to doing more business during the World Cup," said a trafficker. We were speaking at his base overlooking Port Elizabeth's new Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium. Already, he had done brisk business among the stadium's construction workers.
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1952335,00.html#ixzz0cFkEnxPm
Jan 8, 2010
Spoken But Never Written
So you wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror, you are disgust with what you have become. What happened to that good looking person you used to be? “How did these tires get to the back of my head?” You ask no one in particular. “Oh my God, I have developed choppers!”, you think. Despite or to spite the ugliness in the mirror, you start your day with ten big balls of akra, a bowl of akamu with powdered milk and sugar. You are very unhappy with Mama Theresa, “dis woman wan carry food kill me”, “ wich kin mountain of food be dis?” But as you get up to leave the table nothing is left, your stomach is very happy but your mind is upset. As oga you leave the plate on the table, somebody will clear it, it gives you a small measure of satisfaction that it will piss off Mama Theresa when she comes around to clear the table and do the dishes. Serves her right, always serving you heavy food in the morning. By the way where is that boy? “LEVINUS!, SIR! He yells back, “Can’t you see that I running late, it is more of a statement than a question, he knows better than to respond to that. Oya, go warm the car and bring me my briefcase. You hear keys jiggling as he starts flying down the stairs, Levy loves to warm the car, you suspect that he even drives it from time to time, you make a mental note to set a trap for the rascal. Speaking of which, where in Ejebu is Mama Theresa? Chei, you have suffered in this house, I guess they now expect you to lie out your own clothes. Ehhh… wonders shall never end.
MAMA THESERA, MAMA THERESA! IF I CALL YOU AGAIN, THIS HOUSE WILL NOT CONTAIN THE TWO OF US O! you yell. “Gbaborun!, “why you dey shout”,” why you dey shout” she repeats,” abi you think sey na slave you buy put for house?”” I bin dey downstairs dey fetch water,” “Na wetin you want?” Immediately you can tell she is in a bad mood, if you want to go to work this morning, it might be a good idea to thread softly. In a much softer tone, you ask if she has laid out your Agbada for you already? She murmurs something under her breathe and spins around on her heels, heading for the bedroom. As you watch her walk away, your eyes are drawn to the violent side to side motion of her yansh, Almost without warning you feel blood surging through your kini, you are aroused. Feigning anger, you storm after her into the bedroom,you pretend to slam the door shut in anger. You reach out to her with you left hand while with your right, you start to loosen your wrapper “wetin dey worry you sef?” “everytime na so so harassment for this house”. “Oya, come siddon near me for this bed I wan talk to you”……………
MAMA THESERA, MAMA THERESA! IF I CALL YOU AGAIN, THIS HOUSE WILL NOT CONTAIN THE TWO OF US O! you yell. “Gbaborun!, “why you dey shout”,” why you dey shout” she repeats,” abi you think sey na slave you buy put for house?”” I bin dey downstairs dey fetch water,” “Na wetin you want?” Immediately you can tell she is in a bad mood, if you want to go to work this morning, it might be a good idea to thread softly. In a much softer tone, you ask if she has laid out your Agbada for you already? She murmurs something under her breathe and spins around on her heels, heading for the bedroom. As you watch her walk away, your eyes are drawn to the violent side to side motion of her yansh, Almost without warning you feel blood surging through your kini, you are aroused. Feigning anger, you storm after her into the bedroom,you pretend to slam the door shut in anger. You reach out to her with you left hand while with your right, you start to loosen your wrapper “wetin dey worry you sef?” “everytime na so so harassment for this house”. “Oya, come siddon near me for this bed I wan talk to you”……………
Dec 29, 2009
Feeling Blue, Seeing Red.
I always believed true intelligence was the ability to see both sides of a complex issue, the ability to understand the strengths of the other side’s arguments but still be able to justify your own position based on the irrefutable logic that formed the basis of your decision. Recent events have opened my eyes to certain undeniable truths about Republicans. I believe in the values of the Democratic Party with a passion that belies my lack of active involvement in the party but I am beginning to have an appreciation and maybe even some admiration for the tenacious ferocity of the republican opposition. Remember this was a party (the Republicans) that was in disarray just 12 months ago, after being handed their asses in an electoral beat down of near epic proportions. Republicans were reeling from the incredibly awful Bush presidency; also they oversaw eight years of wanton greed and unprecedented public spending. To cap things off, the democratic candidate was a once in a lifetime transformative figure whose message of change from the corruption and ineptitude of the previous administrations resonated everywhere. He was going to bring a new way of doing business to Washington
The first salvo and in many ways the spine of this opposition, was formed by one man, a controversial, somewhat racial conservative radio shock jock with a history of outspoken (depending on interpretation, and in my opinion) bigoted views. Rush Limbaugh was the first conservative to voice what they were all thinking when he said “ I hope he fails” back in January. It was hardly a unique sentiment and in the grand scheme of things was an inconsequential statement from a man with a history of making politically insensitive comments at the most inopportune times, but it had the unforeseen effect of giving voice and strength to a fledging opposition reeling from a series of bad defeats. Not long after that the Sean Hannity’s of the world stumbled onto the fact that within the smoldering ruins of the republican movement that was a strong and dogmatic core that was willing to go to far lengths to show their displeasure at the recent turn of events. Within months the conservatives had rallied around the tea parties, opposition to the bailouts, originally started under Bush if I must mention but I digress, the opposition rebranded itself from Republicans to Conservatives. Republicans you see were part of the problem. They were part of the causes of the previous mess and spent as recklessly as the conservatives are currently accusing the Democrats’ of spending. Conservatives on the other hand were all for fiscal responsibility, balanced budgets, lowering federal deficit spending and reducing the debt burden. Conveniently forgotten were the incredible liberties afforded large corporations and wealthy individuals during the reign of the recent past Republican congress. Somehow despite the fact that the play was still being acted on the same stage with the same cast of actors, we were supposed to focus on the fact that the scenery is different and act like we do not know the plot to this particular bit of chicanery.
Since then Republican opposition to every democratic imitative has only grown more dogged and entrenched. Obama was for Chicago winning the bid to host the 2016 Olympics, Republicans were for any city, anywhere but Chicago , proving their hate for Obama was stronger than their love for America
Dec 26, 2009
New Beginning
Edu Nnadi
Dec 4, 2009
Words and Phrases From 2009
1. Twit – A waste of 140 characters.
2. Stimulus Package – Used by married couples to entertain themselves after dinner.
3. Bail Out – You know the call. It’s me, Fred, I’m in jail……..
4. Socialized Medicine – Experienced by guests at “puff, puff, pass” parties.
5. Obamacare – Much better than Obama don’t care, I tell you that.
6. Unfriend – When you stop seeing your "friend's" status updates in Facebook, you have been....
7. Recession – Happens to most men’s hair line after 30.
8. Blue Dog – Security dog that prevents the owner from entering or leaving the house.
9. Health Insurance Reform – Much like the “Reformed Catholic Church” most of the difference between that and the old insurance law lies in the semantics.
10. Bing – Useful if you can’t spell Google.
11. Swine Flu – A good excuse for any occasion.
12. Deficit Spending – A good example would a any mortgage payment made on Nevada real estate.
13. Bonus – Shared by bankers in the dead of night at a candle light meeting.
14. Too Large To Fail – A non performing member while with a willing spouse.
15. Public Option – The only option after your vehicle has been repossessed.
16. Foreclosure – Much like foreplay, it is the beginning of more interesting things to come.
17. Tweeter – Not to be mistaken for a twitter, immediately informs you the idiot has no idea what they are talking about.
18. Cash For Clunkers – All monies spent on your ex.
19. Peace Prize – Bought on the way home from the bar.
20. Kim Jong il – Elder brother to Menta lly il (Hat tip to Letterman for that piece right there).
There, that’s all of it, did I miss any?
2. Stimulus Package – Used by married couples to entertain themselves after dinner.
3. Bail Out – You know the call. It’s me, Fred, I’m in jail……..
4. Socialized Medicine – Experienced by guests at “puff, puff, pass” parties.
5. Obamacare – Much better than Obama don’t care, I tell you that.
6. Unfriend – When you stop seeing your "friend's" status updates in Facebook, you have been....
7. Recession – Happens to most men’s hair line after 30.
8. Blue Dog – Security dog that prevents the owner from entering or leaving the house.
9. Health Insurance Reform – Much like the “Reformed Catholic Church” most of the difference between that and the old insurance law lies in the semantics.
10. Bing – Useful if you can’t spell Google.
11. Swine Flu – A good excuse for any occasion.
12. Deficit Spending – A good example would a any mortgage payment made on Nevada real estate.
13. Bonus – Shared by bankers in the dead of night at a candle light meeting.
14. Too Large To Fail – A non performing member while with a willing spouse.
15. Public Option – The only option after your vehicle has been repossessed.
16. Foreclosure – Much like foreplay, it is the beginning of more interesting things to come.
17. Tweeter – Not to be mistaken for a twitter, immediately informs you the idiot has no idea what they are talking about.
18. Cash For Clunkers – All monies spent on your ex.
19. Peace Prize – Bought on the way home from the bar.
20. Kim Jong il – Elder brother to Menta lly il (Hat tip to Letterman for that piece right there).
There, that’s all of it, did I miss any?
Nov 9, 2009
Things We Say
“A very large conflagration has overtaken your domicile”. This would be a Nigerian telling you that your house is on fire. The statement itself is technically correct but tactically useless, both in it’s execution and it’s purpose. There is something very Nigerian in a cultural sense in that statement. There are so many elements of our political psychic embedded in that one line. We are people who engineer complex solutions to simple problems, the resulting waste of effort, resources and time is hardly ever consequential, it is merely a necessary by product of the problem reaching it’s natural conclusion. While the situation may or may not have been rectified, what is most important is that it is seen that work has been put into it and that lot of effort was expanded in doing that work, even if at the end of the day, much of that work was an unnecessary waste. I was struck by just how much that statement; a standing joke from my college days, just about describes a typical Nigerian politician.
The statement (“a very large conflagration has overtaken your domicile”) is representative of us in many ways. The first of which is that it calls attention to the speaker rather than the fire. Making glorified statements and long winded speeches designed to impress is as Nigerian as ‘eba or ‘ewedu. The purported intelligence of the speaker, is almost always judged by their ability to mix in rarely referenced grammatical idioms and intellectual sounding Latin phases that the intended audience has little understanding of. The ability to apply “isms” (for example colloquialism) to the end of words has long been held as a sign of good education and advanced learning. I will cop to falling into this trap sometimes and using lengthy words were simpler once would have sufficed. The message, a relevant and urgent alarm is lost in the quiet nodding and embarrassed smiles of the listening audience as they quietly tell each other “there goes an educated man”. For example this was part of Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon's tribute to Chief Gani Fawehinmi upon his passing. “Chief Gani was simply inimitable, puritanically committed, inscrutably remonstrative, ideologically transcendental and quixotically cosmopolitan. His transition is not just the fall of an Iroko but indeed the grand initiation of an Iconic legal salamander!!! “Gani inured himself in the aqua of self abnegation and immolation just to give justice to the down trodden”. He went further to say that “the news brought him emotional laceration and threw him into a state of utter catalepsy.” I am not sure what all that means, but he really must miss Mr. Fawehinmi very much.
The second point is that it manages to magnify the importance of the situation without providing any real urge spurring the listener to action. This is a designed state of inertia, rather than an accidently one. A motivated populace demands action or will take action itself, but an impressed one, is stuck admiring the beauty of the spectacle. Politicians are adapt to make statements that in their totality sound convincing and strong but do nothing to galvanize the population towards any kind of problem solving. The aim here is to continue to milk the situation, while appearing to care but really just posturing for the fame, publicity and of course the money that comes with political office. The confused listener shrugs and continues about their business, to the neutral outsider observing from the side with a full understanding of the situation, this could be interpreted as a like of lack of civic pride or a complete disregard for the plight of another but really the case here is the passing of misinformation for the speaker to the listener. In a country with such a large illiteracy rate, people assume that the purpose of the speech was to impress, they accept it for what it is and move on. Invariably it is just another opportunity to advance the state of the country lost in a cloud of big words.
Which naturally would lead to the question, so was there really any intent to notify anyone of the fire? Like all things that we do, it is complicated. The fire while an unfortunate event was an opportunity, a chance to flaunt credentials, if at the end of the day the fire is somehow put out, all the better. We live in a society that values style over function, it is not an accident that is the “Babariga” is our official native office wear. Seriously with our weather how did a heavy blanket of a garment designed to look good rather than feel good, end up the dominant wear for official business? We as a nation play to the gallery all the time, understanding the sweeping nature of that statement, I will go on record with this summary. This writing is a is a generalization that paints with a broad brush, but nonetheless describes a commonality that defines our everyday values enough for it to be almost always true. I know, I know, I accept the position of kettle, in this black calling contest.
Edu Nnadi.
The statement (“a very large conflagration has overtaken your domicile”) is representative of us in many ways. The first of which is that it calls attention to the speaker rather than the fire. Making glorified statements and long winded speeches designed to impress is as Nigerian as ‘eba or ‘ewedu. The purported intelligence of the speaker, is almost always judged by their ability to mix in rarely referenced grammatical idioms and intellectual sounding Latin phases that the intended audience has little understanding of. The ability to apply “isms” (for example colloquialism) to the end of words has long been held as a sign of good education and advanced learning. I will cop to falling into this trap sometimes and using lengthy words were simpler once would have sufficed. The message, a relevant and urgent alarm is lost in the quiet nodding and embarrassed smiles of the listening audience as they quietly tell each other “there goes an educated man”. For example this was part of Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon's tribute to Chief Gani Fawehinmi upon his passing. “Chief Gani was simply inimitable, puritanically committed, inscrutably remonstrative, ideologically transcendental and quixotically cosmopolitan. His transition is not just the fall of an Iroko but indeed the grand initiation of an Iconic legal salamander!!! “Gani inured himself in the aqua of self abnegation and immolation just to give justice to the down trodden”. He went further to say that “the news brought him emotional laceration and threw him into a state of utter catalepsy.” I am not sure what all that means, but he really must miss Mr. Fawehinmi very much.
The second point is that it manages to magnify the importance of the situation without providing any real urge spurring the listener to action. This is a designed state of inertia, rather than an accidently one. A motivated populace demands action or will take action itself, but an impressed one, is stuck admiring the beauty of the spectacle. Politicians are adapt to make statements that in their totality sound convincing and strong but do nothing to galvanize the population towards any kind of problem solving. The aim here is to continue to milk the situation, while appearing to care but really just posturing for the fame, publicity and of course the money that comes with political office. The confused listener shrugs and continues about their business, to the neutral outsider observing from the side with a full understanding of the situation, this could be interpreted as a like of lack of civic pride or a complete disregard for the plight of another but really the case here is the passing of misinformation for the speaker to the listener. In a country with such a large illiteracy rate, people assume that the purpose of the speech was to impress, they accept it for what it is and move on. Invariably it is just another opportunity to advance the state of the country lost in a cloud of big words.
Which naturally would lead to the question, so was there really any intent to notify anyone of the fire? Like all things that we do, it is complicated. The fire while an unfortunate event was an opportunity, a chance to flaunt credentials, if at the end of the day the fire is somehow put out, all the better. We live in a society that values style over function, it is not an accident that is the “Babariga” is our official native office wear. Seriously with our weather how did a heavy blanket of a garment designed to look good rather than feel good, end up the dominant wear for official business? We as a nation play to the gallery all the time, understanding the sweeping nature of that statement, I will go on record with this summary. This writing is a is a generalization that paints with a broad brush, but nonetheless describes a commonality that defines our everyday values enough for it to be almost always true. I know, I know, I accept the position of kettle, in this black calling contest.
Edu Nnadi.
Nov 5, 2009
We All Bled Red.
Race, one word, with a deeper meaning than the Mariana Trench. It is impossible to have an honest discussion about race. Nobody ever says what they truly feel, clichés flow forth like cheap wine whenever anything racial is the topic.
Thefreedictionary.com has these two definitions for race;
1. A local geographic or global human population distinguished as a more or less distinct group by genetically transmitted physical characteristics.
2. A group of people united or classified together on the basis of common history, nationality, or geographic distribution: the German race.
The German race, funny that they would use that example. If the definitions above are accurate then race is either a commonality based on physical appearance or a cultural phenomena, the resultant effect of the geographical distribution of the human population. I think most people will agree, that it is some combination of these two definitions that produces the toxic mix which eventually leads to hate crimes.
These days the in thing is to differentiate between a racial incident and a racist act, as if the clever play on semantics would somehow lessen the gravity of the discrimination, this would be somewhat along the lines of degrees of pregnancy. You can’t be a little bit pregnant. The problem with bigotry is that it comes in so many shades and hues. The more sophisticated the community, the harder it is to spot. It is at it’s crudes form when combined with poverty, illiteracy and a sense of social inferiority. I have had some friends make the most insensitive statements about a person of a different race, not because do not mind being labeled racist, it takes a certain level of disregard for civil society to openly admit to be being a bigot. They make these statements out of ignorance, and in the mistaken belief that this is just a conversation amongst “us”, nobody was hurt by it.
There lies the problem, ignorance or not, they are being more honest than they would have ever been had the person they were referring to been with us at the time. If a “White” or “Latino” joke is funny when you are with your “Black” friends, it should be funny when your “White” friends come around as well. If African Americans or black people as a whole tend to play the race card more than others, it is not because we ourselves have somehow transcended race. A thousand years of real and perceived oppression, coupled with generational marginalization has led us to build a racial safety net as a catch all for every insult and injury (real or imagined), that we have suffered at the hand of another race. “He would not treat me this way, if I was white” is almost a manta amongst colored folk. The person could just be a “jerk” to all people, of all races.
Going back to the definition of race for a minute; it is true that the human mind will always look for a way to differentiate itself. We find newer and more ingenuous ways to reclassify ourselves everyday. Hence the reason why in some places tribal differences inspire a hatred that burns with a fire that few racists can match. As long as we continue to see “white people”, “black people”, “Africans”, “Asians”, “Southerners”, “Northerners”, “Ibos’” and “Yorubas’” instead of fathers , mothers, uncles and aunts, the world will continue to be a complicated place to live in.
Thefreedictionary.com has these two definitions for race;
1. A local geographic or global human population distinguished as a more or less distinct group by genetically transmitted physical characteristics.
2. A group of people united or classified together on the basis of common history, nationality, or geographic distribution: the German race.
The German race, funny that they would use that example. If the definitions above are accurate then race is either a commonality based on physical appearance or a cultural phenomena, the resultant effect of the geographical distribution of the human population. I think most people will agree, that it is some combination of these two definitions that produces the toxic mix which eventually leads to hate crimes.
These days the in thing is to differentiate between a racial incident and a racist act, as if the clever play on semantics would somehow lessen the gravity of the discrimination, this would be somewhat along the lines of degrees of pregnancy. You can’t be a little bit pregnant. The problem with bigotry is that it comes in so many shades and hues. The more sophisticated the community, the harder it is to spot. It is at it’s crudes form when combined with poverty, illiteracy and a sense of social inferiority. I have had some friends make the most insensitive statements about a person of a different race, not because do not mind being labeled racist, it takes a certain level of disregard for civil society to openly admit to be being a bigot. They make these statements out of ignorance, and in the mistaken belief that this is just a conversation amongst “us”, nobody was hurt by it.
There lies the problem, ignorance or not, they are being more honest than they would have ever been had the person they were referring to been with us at the time. If a “White” or “Latino” joke is funny when you are with your “Black” friends, it should be funny when your “White” friends come around as well. If African Americans or black people as a whole tend to play the race card more than others, it is not because we ourselves have somehow transcended race. A thousand years of real and perceived oppression, coupled with generational marginalization has led us to build a racial safety net as a catch all for every insult and injury (real or imagined), that we have suffered at the hand of another race. “He would not treat me this way, if I was white” is almost a manta amongst colored folk. The person could just be a “jerk” to all people, of all races.
Going back to the definition of race for a minute; it is true that the human mind will always look for a way to differentiate itself. We find newer and more ingenuous ways to reclassify ourselves everyday. Hence the reason why in some places tribal differences inspire a hatred that burns with a fire that few racists can match. As long as we continue to see “white people”, “black people”, “Africans”, “Asians”, “Southerners”, “Northerners”, “Ibos’” and “Yorubas’” instead of fathers , mothers, uncles and aunts, the world will continue to be a complicated place to live in.
The Child.
There is a loneliness to being an adult that childhood does not prepare anyone for. The sobering cold reality of adulthood comes usually in the quiet of the night, when the music has stopped playing, the friends are gone, the TV is off and the mind is on. That is when you realize that all you truly own in this world is beating in your chest and the only true achievement in life is the impact you have in the life of the people that stay on after you are gone.
The dream of independence that fuelled most childhood rebellions juxtapose badly when compared with the personal and total isolation that is grown-up decision making. If you had to do it again, I bet you would have nestled more and fought less. I remember chaffing at the power that older folk seems to have over me, not one day dreaming that I would myself become one of them, the lessons they tried to teach me washed off me like water down a duck’s back, it irritated rather than inspired and as a consequence, I conducted my affairs in a childhood cocoon, blissful to the cold realities of life without the support pillars built in. The truth is I acted a fool, if I did not get one hundred percent attention I assumed it was because they did not care. My mistakes were often erased behind my back so I never had to go back and redo them. My struggles came pre-chewed, softened, so I did not realize the true depth of effort that it took to achieve some of the things I took for granted.
As you look at your children do you see yourself in their innocence or the unshakeable obligation and responsibility that they represent? In their childish resentment for your authority I know they are not thinking about your sacrifices. In retrospect I acknowledge that there is nothing more self centered than the human child but nothing in this world will bring you greater joy than their success and happiness. I just wish I had known all this as a child, i would not have given so much grief, to so many, for so long.
Edu Nnadi
The dream of independence that fuelled most childhood rebellions juxtapose badly when compared with the personal and total isolation that is grown-up decision making. If you had to do it again, I bet you would have nestled more and fought less. I remember chaffing at the power that older folk seems to have over me, not one day dreaming that I would myself become one of them, the lessons they tried to teach me washed off me like water down a duck’s back, it irritated rather than inspired and as a consequence, I conducted my affairs in a childhood cocoon, blissful to the cold realities of life without the support pillars built in. The truth is I acted a fool, if I did not get one hundred percent attention I assumed it was because they did not care. My mistakes were often erased behind my back so I never had to go back and redo them. My struggles came pre-chewed, softened, so I did not realize the true depth of effort that it took to achieve some of the things I took for granted.
As you look at your children do you see yourself in their innocence or the unshakeable obligation and responsibility that they represent? In their childish resentment for your authority I know they are not thinking about your sacrifices. In retrospect I acknowledge that there is nothing more self centered than the human child but nothing in this world will bring you greater joy than their success and happiness. I just wish I had known all this as a child, i would not have given so much grief, to so many, for so long.
Edu Nnadi
Deep Pools Of Black
I am going to tell you a story, a sad story.
A story of unimaginable misery and a very forlorn story.
This story will leave you in tears.
Iit will leave you angry.
It will leave you with despair in your heart and a gaping hole in your soul.
This is a story about confused youth and gang cultures.
The story of missing dadas' and preoccupied mammies.
It is a story driven by poverty and social marginalization.
A story about the institutionally disenfranchised.
A story about the boy who walked on the wrong side of street.
This is a story about anywhere USA.
A place where the child is raised by the streets.
A place where only one rule matters.
The rule that helps you survive the silence of the city night.
A place where your cry for help will be met by blank stares.
A place where deep and hollow eyes look straight through you.
A place scarred by the viciousness of lives counted in minutes.
Your heart will be broken, again and again.
You will hear of promises being thrown away.
Tales of futures damaged beyond repair.
Tales of men dealing with the repercussions of decisions made as a child.
You will resign yourself to the hopelessness of the times.
You will tell yourself it is the sad savage underbelly of “living in the City”.
The “City” a jungle of a place where boys grow up fast and girls even faster.
A place driven by the one true creed, “I gats to get wats mines”.
I was going to tell you this story.
But you have already heard it, so many times before.
Now the whole thing just washes over you.
Even though you are soaked in it.
You barely stop to reflect on the brutally and stupidity of it all anymore.
This is the sad story of black on black violence.
Edu Nnadi
A story of unimaginable misery and a very forlorn story.
This story will leave you in tears.
Iit will leave you angry.
It will leave you with despair in your heart and a gaping hole in your soul.
This is a story about confused youth and gang cultures.
The story of missing dadas' and preoccupied mammies.
It is a story driven by poverty and social marginalization.
A story about the institutionally disenfranchised.
A story about the boy who walked on the wrong side of street.
This is a story about anywhere USA.
A place where the child is raised by the streets.
A place where only one rule matters.
The rule that helps you survive the silence of the city night.
A place where your cry for help will be met by blank stares.
A place where deep and hollow eyes look straight through you.
A place scarred by the viciousness of lives counted in minutes.
Your heart will be broken, again and again.
You will hear of promises being thrown away.
Tales of futures damaged beyond repair.
Tales of men dealing with the repercussions of decisions made as a child.
You will resign yourself to the hopelessness of the times.
You will tell yourself it is the sad savage underbelly of “living in the City”.
The “City” a jungle of a place where boys grow up fast and girls even faster.
A place driven by the one true creed, “I gats to get wats mines”.
I was going to tell you this story.
But you have already heard it, so many times before.
Now the whole thing just washes over you.
Even though you are soaked in it.
You barely stop to reflect on the brutally and stupidity of it all anymore.
This is the sad story of black on black violence.
Edu Nnadi
Aug 26, 2009
One Suitcase, Three Days, Four Airports.
I hate airports, sorry, I need to clarify that, I hate the needless expense that is spending time at airports. I recently had to do a four cities in three days trip. As you can imagine an unnecessarily large part of those three days was spent at one airport or the other. Interestingly there is a certain symmetry to most airports, the ones in the small cities are quiet almost serene, regardless of the amount of air traffic, while the airports in the bigger cities are rather rowdy and the passengers a little more obnoxious. As to my trip itself, it was relatively unremarkable but at some point I started to pay close attention to my surroundings, that is when things got rather interesting.
Airports – Local airports are like train stations, unremarkable, the seats are kind of the same, the restrooms dangerous, and the food expensive. But I did notice in Atlanta the sheer size of the place and the volume of people coming through was enormous. Milwaukee was almost eerily quiet, and yet the search guys there were the most enthusiastic, like people that would very much love to give you a thorough cavities search. Memphis has this fantastic smell of barbecued meat in the air (might have been that the gate I used was located right next to the restaurant) and has this beautiful rotunda with a blue glass ceiling.
The search at the airport – One word, embarrassing. If like me, your last name is almost Arabic sounding, you are getting the business. Make sure your undershirt is clean because that jacket is coming off, the stripping does get tiresome after a while and keeping your sense of humor is hard. Get angry and you might be asked to “please, step aside” and you do not want that to happen. They put everything I had through the X-ray machine, they almost put me in the machine. They searched my computer case, tested the computer. Please do not carry any cosmetics in your over night bag if you intend to leave the airport the same day, someone took a shower with my shower gel, even used my body lotion to make sure it was not a bomb. These guys were ruthlessly efficient but all the same, it was very time consuming. Forgo, hand luggage and getting in and out of the local airport is not so bad.
Flying – Is it my mind or do the smaller planes fly with less turbulence? On the flight to Memphis, I was stuck in the middle of two large guys. Miserable will not begin to describe the next three hours, the flight was packed, so there were no empty seats. The guy to my right had a belly like a drum, his gut spilled over the divide, shoving my elbow off the armrest. While the guy to my left snored like a man playing the trombone with plenty of power but no skill. If you are in a hurry, carrying all you luggage as a carry on, you will appreciate the time saved not waiting for your turn at the baggage claim. The only problem is finding space for your luggage in the overhead bin is a hassle especially if you are one the last to get on the plane. If it is too big and does not fit in the bin, you are going to have to find space for it, most likely under your leg between two large guys.
Things I noticed – That people that work at the airport all seem somewhat proud of the fact, the guy serving cheesy pretzels has an attitude, no biggie but worth noting. There is a certain amount of grim determination amongst the passengers, almost like the travel is a chore they have to conclude. Unlike international departure lounges where some passengers seem to be walking on air, the lack of joy around the local section of the airport is palpable. I have a problem with the practice of shining shoes while the owner of the shoes is still wearing them. I find it servile and somewhat degrading, there is nothing wrong with getting your shoes shined but why can’t you take it off first? Why must someone knee at your feet for a $5 service? 
Nedu Nnadi
Airports – Local airports are like train stations, unremarkable, the seats are kind of the same, the restrooms dangerous, and the food expensive. But I did notice in Atlanta the sheer size of the place and the volume of people coming through was enormous. Milwaukee was almost eerily quiet, and yet the search guys there were the most enthusiastic, like people that would very much love to give you a thorough cavities search. Memphis has this fantastic smell of barbecued meat in the air (might have been that the gate I used was located right next to the restaurant) and has this beautiful rotunda with a blue glass ceiling. The search at the airport – One word, embarrassing. If like me, your last name is almost Arabic sounding, you are getting the business. Make sure your undershirt is clean because that jacket is coming off, the stripping does get tiresome after a while and keeping your sense of humor is hard. Get angry and you might be asked to “please, step aside” and you do not want that to happen. They put everything I had through the X-ray machine, they almost put me in the machine. They searched my computer case, tested the computer. Please do not carry any cosmetics in your over night bag if you intend to leave the airport the same day, someone took a shower with my shower gel, even used my body lotion to make sure it was not a bomb. These guys were ruthlessly efficient but all the same, it was very time consuming. Forgo, hand luggage and getting in and out of the local airport is not so bad.Flying – Is it my mind or do the smaller planes fly with less turbulence? On the flight to Memphis, I was stuck in the middle of two large guys. Miserable will not begin to describe the next three hours, the flight was packed, so there were no empty seats. The guy to my right had a belly like a drum, his gut spilled over the divide, shoving my elbow off the armrest. While the guy to my left snored like a man playing the trombone with plenty of power but no skill. If you are in a hurry, carrying all you luggage as a carry on, you will appreciate the time saved not waiting for your turn at the baggage claim. The only problem is finding space for your luggage in the overhead bin is a hassle especially if you are one the last to get on the plane. If it is too big and does not fit in the bin, you are going to have to find space for it, most likely under your leg between two large guys.Things I noticed – That people that work at the airport all seem somewhat proud of the fact, the guy serving cheesy pretzels has an attitude, no biggie but worth noting. There is a certain amount of grim determination amongst the passengers, almost like the travel is a chore they have to conclude. Unlike international departure lounges where some passengers seem to be walking on air, the lack of joy around the local section of the airport is palpable. I have a problem with the practice of shining shoes while the owner of the shoes is still wearing them. I find it servile and somewhat degrading, there is nothing wrong with getting your shoes shined but why can’t you take it off first? Why must someone knee at your feet for a $5 service? Nedu Nnadi
Aug 10, 2009
Tired Of The Excuses
Sometimes, I go back to read stuff I had written before, old blog posts, articles, responses to other peoples blogs, that type of thing. The idea being to get a sense of my state of mind at the time and to see if I my perception of whatever it was I was trying to say at the time has changed. Sometimes, I find that my view has moved on from my previous positions and that what once were strongly held beliefs, are now loosely embraced ideas. The general premise of the original post may still hold true but the underlying emotion I would find to have sometimes suffered significant drift. But by far the worse thing about my old stuff, were the God damned TYPOS! They were everywhere, embarrassing, cringe inducing, headshaking, “I wonder where this guy got his education” type, typos. The origin of the problem is of course, known to me; I am a “Hunter Pecker”, be it a fast hunter pecker but a pecker all the same. I stare down the keyboard when I type, I hunt down each individual letter and sometimes can jam out a whole paragraph while barely getting a look at the monitor. The worst part is that I do not have any particular type of mistake that I commit consistently, I generally seem to hit all the high notes (all the “don’ts”) in any given piece of writing. On any given post, I would do my best to appear as poorly equipt (I guess the word here should really should be Mis-educated :-) ) as possible. I commit errors of omission, leaving out entire words in a torrid stream of rushing sentences that barely connect and only serve to tell the reader that I need either better glasses or need to start writing strictly in Igbo. I commit errors of addition, I use the wrong tenses, incorrect verbs and adjectives litter just about every piece I have ever written. In my head I am thinking the word “there” on the screen I am typing “their” and the whole thing is compounded by Microsoft Words automated error correcting software. So while I plow on ahead trying to get to the end of my rapidly evaporating thoughts, the software is busy correcting my errors into even more grammatically inconsistent gibberish that ends up leaving the reader bewildered, thinking this guy really must stop drinking and writing.
So you would ask, after spotting these dramatically wild half sentences or phrases that seem to have been put together by Kokolet; sentences like “ .. starts to knock on the window, asking you to winding down the window” or even “ …which funnily enough was staged by a group of a delusional nationalist group of southern soldiers…” why don’t i make the necessary corrections and move on? Because it would be dishonest and the truth is that no matter what I change, I can’t make anyone that read the initial post, unread it. So after much thought I have decided to invest in a Spanish to English dictionary to brush up on my vocabulary, I will be re-enrolling in the free English for Indigenous Tribes classes at the local community college and lastly I am purchasing a typing for beginners and other slow learners software program that will teach me to type the proper way. Hopefully in a few months I will be able to complete a few lines without completely rendering the reader brain dead. In the meantime I apologize for any previous or current occurrence of random shelling you might have endured from my misguided attempt at blogging. Now that I have gotten that off my chest, i can now go back to misunder representing educated Nigerians on the internet, God help us all.
So you would ask, after spotting these dramatically wild half sentences or phrases that seem to have been put together by Kokolet; sentences like “ .. starts to knock on the window, asking you to winding down the window” or even “ …which funnily enough was staged by a group of a delusional nationalist group of southern soldiers…” why don’t i make the necessary corrections and move on? Because it would be dishonest and the truth is that no matter what I change, I can’t make anyone that read the initial post, unread it. So after much thought I have decided to invest in a Spanish to English dictionary to brush up on my vocabulary, I will be re-enrolling in the free English for Indigenous Tribes classes at the local community college and lastly I am purchasing a typing for beginners and other slow learners software program that will teach me to type the proper way. Hopefully in a few months I will be able to complete a few lines without completely rendering the reader brain dead. In the meantime I apologize for any previous or current occurrence of random shelling you might have endured from my misguided attempt at blogging. Now that I have gotten that off my chest, i can now go back to misunder representing educated Nigerians on the internet, God help us all.
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