Life as it happens
Oct 29, 2010
Check Your Ego At The Door
Rough estimates puts the value of all the gold in the world at at about 2 trillion dollars, since a majority of the world's currencies is backed by gold (to a degree), that means that there is a substancial disconnect between that figure and the GDP of the world which was estimated at 65 trilliion dollars in 2006. Where did all the extra trillions come from? A crate of eggs is only worth however much the market is willing to pay for it. In the 1900s, a dozen eggs sold of $.23; today a dozen eggs cost about $4.00. What happened? Is the chicken demanding more money of her eggs? While it is true that as the world's population grew, income and opportunity grow with it, the fundamental underlying factors remained the same. If you sold everything, you own today, how much are you worth? $1K, $10K, $100K or even a million Dollars? Whatever that number is, ask yourself this question, what exactly is a Dollar? It still takes the same effort to hoe a row of yams today that it took in 1960, then why are we paying more for the Labor today? If it truly were up to demand and supply, would the price of labor not be going down instead of up? The world has at least 10 times more available, trainable labor today than it had in the nineteenth century. Yet we are all earning more money than our forefathers could have ever dreamed of, doing virtually the same work. I would understand if this change in relative wealth was only happening in the US or China or even Nigeria but it is going on all over the world at the same time! If we are all stealing from each other, then why are we all getting rich? Where in God's name is the money coming from? This defies all the laws of commerce, we can't all be trading with each other and everybody is getting richer, somebody has to lose for the other to gain otherwise sometihng is most definately off kilter. John D Rockefeller and William H. Vanderbilt were probably the richest men in the history of the world ever! Neither of them ever made a billion dollars in their life times, yet Forbes.Com this year listed 1062 men and women with a networth of at least one billion dollars, what could have happened to create so much wealth, in such a short time? If you have, $1000.00 and i have a tuber of yam, which is more valuable? My yam has actual value and can fulfill a need, with your Dollar I have to agree that it is worth something to me, for it to be valuable. Maurice Greenberg was the 135th wealthiest American in 2007. His net worth was $2.8 billion. He was a former chairman of AIG. He recently sold 5 million shares for $3.77 per share, now he is just another millioniare. So was he really worth a billion dollars? or Was it our inflated valuation of his assets that was distorted? The point here is that we have taken to creating monoply money that is not backed an actual product, resource or service. Welcome to the derivatives culture, where if there is no demand, we create demand. Everybody is borrowing more, from everywhere, so that we can pay more, for everything. But where is all the extra money coming from? Idi Amin was famous for asking his Central Bank Governor to print more cash and I am afraid that in a round about way the world is paying him homage because everybody seems to be doing what he was doing all those years ago, wasting good paper.
The Tickle Down Economic Disaster
Trickle-down economics" and "trickle-down theory," is the economic-political argument that the increases in the wealth of the rich are good for the poor because some of such additional wealth will eventually trickle down to the middle class and to the poor. 
At least that is what it says in Wikipedia, Karl Max had theories that made more sense. The only thing that has tickled down is bad debt, maxed out credit cards, stagflation in commodities and a recession in the housing industry. Instead of the Mullahs at the top to let anything tickle out, they papered over all the cracks to prevent any possible leakage. Smart CEOs made sure that unemployment tickled down by constantly laying off workers to improve efficiency. Hedge funds controlling trillions of dollars speculated with glee on oil and we all watched as the price of a barrel of crude climbed from $17.00 to $150.00 per, while the resultant increase in the cost of gas tickle down to the masses.
This tickle down nonsense, seems curiously familiar to this Nigerian, I knew I had seen it somewhere before; but I was not sure where? An economic environment in which the ruling class and their well connected friends, initiated a plan to rob the treasury and pass the burden of repaying the mess on the country while they themselves swiftly proceeded to retire to a life of luxury and great wealth? OH MY GUSH, it is the same thing IBB and Uncle Segun were doing to Nigeria all these years. Turns out that greed and corrupt is universal; and was not invented in Africa contrary to what you might have heard. 
So here we are, eight years into the most disastrous reign of ignorance, mismanagement and ineptitude, since the fall of the Holy Roman Empire, I can say with certainty that yes the hubris advanced by this culture's belief that “There is winning and then there is misery” has finally caught up with us. Despite the colossal failure that was the first four years of the bush administration (an administration that went to war just to juice up the economy), some bible touting, gay bashing, narrow minded, gun loving, right wing zealots masquerading as fiscally responsible conservatives decided that the first go around was so nice, that we had to have another go. So here we are, four more years later.
At least that is what it says in Wikipedia, Karl Max had theories that made more sense. The only thing that has tickled down is bad debt, maxed out credit cards, stagflation in commodities and a recession in the housing industry. Instead of the Mullahs at the top to let anything tickle out, they papered over all the cracks to prevent any possible leakage. Smart CEOs made sure that unemployment tickled down by constantly laying off workers to improve efficiency. Hedge funds controlling trillions of dollars speculated with glee on oil and we all watched as the price of a barrel of crude climbed from $17.00 to $150.00 per, while the resultant increase in the cost of gas tickle down to the masses. This tickle down nonsense, seems curiously familiar to this Nigerian, I knew I had seen it somewhere before; but I was not sure where? An economic environment in which the ruling class and their well connected friends, initiated a plan to rob the treasury and pass the burden of repaying the mess on the country while they themselves swiftly proceeded to retire to a life of luxury and great wealth? OH MY GUSH, it is the same thing IBB and Uncle Segun were doing to Nigeria all these years. Turns out that greed and corrupt is universal; and was not invented in Africa contrary to what you might have heard. So here we are, eight years into the most disastrous reign of ignorance, mismanagement and ineptitude, since the fall of the Holy Roman Empire, I can say with certainty that yes the hubris advanced by this culture's belief that “There is winning and then there is misery” has finally caught up with us. Despite the colossal failure that was the first four years of the bush administration (an administration that went to war just to juice up the economy), some bible touting, gay bashing, narrow minded, gun loving, right wing zealots masquerading as fiscally responsible conservatives decided that the first go around was so nice, that we had to have another go. So here we are, four more years later.
Righteous indignation
Do you know any colored people? Because I don’t. Largely ten years spent in the relative anonymity of quasi middle class America has thought me that only one truth is constant, blacks and whites live separate lives. We go to different churches, we worship differently, and we have different values while pursuing the same goals. We all aspire to a better life but differ strongly on our paths to that life, the generic certainty of suburban serenity will not be the lot of most inner city blacks. Where I can understand the fears of the average black person; poverty and random violence. I can’t really relate to fears of “keeping up with the Jones" and "Investing in the wrong 401K or IRA", when your present day is fret with immediate and present dangers you are less likely to be stowing away excess nuts in the eventuality of a long winter. Tragically, the farce that is race relations today is designed to guilt trip you into believing that all is well, after all we do have affirmative action and the civil rights bill to protect our constitutional rights. But you cannot legislate away prejudice, I can’t count how many times little white ladies jump back when I suddenly come around a corner despite the fact that majority of the perverse sexual misadventures visited on white women is by white males. I could vent on the hypocrisy of churches that supported segregation, then turned around and went on missionary trips to Africa to save the souls of the primitives in need of salvation. The religion is good enough for their souls but thier asses not good enough to seat in the same pews as a white person. According to a Justice Department report released in July 2003 about 10.4% of the entire African-American male population in the United States aged 25 to 29 was incarcerated, by far the largest racial or ethnic group—by comparison, 2.4% of Hispanic men and 1.2% of white men in that same age group were incarcerated. According to official data in 2000, there were 791,600 black men in prison and 603,032 enrolled in college. In 1980, there were 143,000 black men in prison and 463,700 enrolled in college. You see, the thing is that I know a lot of white people, we work together, go out together, root for the same teams and curse out the horrible economy and the evils of human indifference together. But I don’t consider them my friends, because of the same reasons people worry when they sight someone wearing a turban on a plane since 9/11, you just don’t know what their intentions are.
Sometimes i feel like a nut.
Most people I know will call when they are the airport, or when they are about to hit the highway on an 8-hour journey. You pick up the phone and they are like; “Edu boy! wetin they happen? I am on my way to Alaska, na him I sey make I call you make we gist small”. I immediately begin to panic! You see I am not good with cutting people off, since the person calling you has nothing but time on their hands, I could be on the call until they get to Alaska.
Then there are those calls (even with good friends) where the conversation just dies a premature death, you start out very eagerly, quickly rushing from one breathless update to the next and then out of nowhere a dry spell hits, there is a lot if em....yeah...., so what's up...., ….you just dey enjoy..... followed by long uncomfortable silences, mixed in with heavy breathing. Nobody knows how to end the torture, everybody is ashamed of stating the obvious, this call is finished.
Phones follow you everywhere these days, even to places where it should not, like the bedroom and to board meetings. The relative convenience of being reachable has turned into a heavy burden of proof problem. People see you and there is this accusatory tone to their voice, "Dude, I called you and you did not pick up" why don't you ever answer your phone?" Feeling like a naughty student at the principle's office, I stand there sheepishly staring at the floor, doing my best to explain why I did not answer the royal summons. This is a problem my parents did not have to encounter because their phone were tied to their houses and offices. Although on the plus side I could be at home, doing nothing but chilling and somebody that I had earlier promised to help move would call and I would be like "Man, sorry I forgot, ... yes I am currently in Lagos, I will talk to you when I get back... you see; problem solved.
The situation is such that even routine calls make me worry these days. You see, if my phone flashes and my boss is calling me, I don’t like it, there is not reason why that man should be calling me, I am not his friend, so except I have been fired that number should not be showing on my phone on a Sunday. If my friend is calling, I begin to worry, it is either because he needs something or I owe him something, either way there is no reason why he should be calling me on Sunday. If my madam is calling, I breakout in a cold sweat, I cannot see what is so important she has to calling me at 2.00 AM on Saturday night when I am in the office working.
The undecided
“I don't want to talk, Wait I feel like a chat.
I need to get up But I want to lie down.
T-shirt or jumper? I've changed my mind I'll wear a shirt.
I want to stand up, No I want to sit down, oh dear, I'm even indecisive about the chair.
I've got myself in to a state my life is ruled by a split decision.”
(a poem of unknown origin, from an author that never published.)
I need to get up But I want to lie down.
T-shirt or jumper? I've changed my mind I'll wear a shirt.
I want to stand up, No I want to sit down, oh dear, I'm even indecisive about the chair.
I've got myself in to a state my life is ruled by a split decision.”
(a poem of unknown origin, from an author that never published.)
The Audacity Of Hope.
There are very few events in your life were you remember exactly where you were at the exact time it happened, I have been fortunate enough to experience two of them. The first was September 11th 2001, at about 9.00 AM, I was coming off the E train from Queens, my stop was the Times Square station on 42nd and 7th, I was late and in a hurry to get to work, but on that day there would be no work. The whole of New York City appeared to be transfixed watching the giant TV screens surrounding Times Square, I made to ask the guy next to me what was going on, but before I could say a word, the second plane came into view of the cameras and we all watched, transfixed, as the plane flew straight into the second tower of the World Trade Center, there was a loud gasp as if a million people collective sucked in air, then a quietness (not silence but a stillness, like church) for a nano second it was like the world stopped, and then all hell broke loose. I write this not to revisit 9/11 but to explain how engraved the details of that day are in my mind, I could write a book of the events of that day alone, from the glassy eyed look in peoples eyes, to the wild rumors spreading like forest fire about alien invasions, even the trek out of New York City that day was epic. But I am getting side tracked; the second time was of course last night.
The unfathomable event that unfolded last night, will carryover into the lives of generations yet to come. That the black grandson of a goat herder from Kenya, raised by a single white mother on public funds without the “proper” connections could compete and prevail against historic odds is a story of biblical proportions. The is a uniquely American story, those of us from Nigeria know this intimately, it could not happen were we are from. In Nigeria, the same ruling class of has more or less held the country hostage for almost half a century, the chances that a “nobody” will rise out of the dirt without the aid of machine guns and flak jackets to preside over the affairs of our nation is slim to none. The euphoric joy that was felt around the world (My Mother is a Obama fan and for the past few months it’s been Obama this, Obama that, the woman lives in Kaduna and has not been to the States since 1992.) resonated in my house, I have not slept a wink, I will one day tell my children about the greatest election of my generation and the belief that it installed in me, Yes we can, Yes we can.
The unfathomable event that unfolded last night, will carryover into the lives of generations yet to come. That the black grandson of a goat herder from Kenya, raised by a single white mother on public funds without the “proper” connections could compete and prevail against historic odds is a story of biblical proportions. The is a uniquely American story, those of us from Nigeria know this intimately, it could not happen were we are from. In Nigeria, the same ruling class of has more or less held the country hostage for almost half a century, the chances that a “nobody” will rise out of the dirt without the aid of machine guns and flak jackets to preside over the affairs of our nation is slim to none. The euphoric joy that was felt around the world (My Mother is a Obama fan and for the past few months it’s been Obama this, Obama that, the woman lives in Kaduna and has not been to the States since 1992.) resonated in my house, I have not slept a wink, I will one day tell my children about the greatest election of my generation and the belief that it installed in me, Yes we can, Yes we can.
What do you believe?
Relax; I am here to seek enlightenment, not to pontificate. To ask questions that always bothered me, not to cast shadows over your beliefs. I have friends that are saved, people with strong feels about their faith and its place in their lives but I have always wondered, what does it all mean in the end? I am not sure what I believe or not (I know, I could have written that differently but try to stay focused). I know that as soon as man was able to process cognitive thoughts he started to ask questions about his place in the big scheme of things. Christians believe what they believe and there are about one billion Moslems that will beg to differ, so assuming everybody is right to a degree where does that leave God? Somewhere today a deeply religious person probably passed away but tonight another deeply religious person will pray, “Thank you God for sparing me and my family”. Is the prayer not really saying “better him than me”? We read in the papers everyday where another Iraqi family was decimated by an errant missile and we casually flip over to the next page, and I know it is not because you don’t care or that you don’t wish them well. I am conflicted as to what is I believe, blind faith like the type a child has for the mother regardless of whether or not she is an irresponsible mother or a drug addict has been hard for me to accept. I used to pray and I believed all my prayers were answered, but that had nothing to do with anything. I know some pretty awful people who have been blessed with even more good fortune, so obviously they must be praying too.Am I asking for too much to want to know the why, when and how? Shouldn’t I just wrap religious rituals (for Christians, Sunday church and mid-week worship and for Moslems the five daily prayers) around myself like a warm blanket and assume I am protected from the chill of an aimless existence. Somehow, I think most people are not much concerned with finding the right way, just as long as it is their way, Moslems are right, Christians are right, same goes for Hindus, Buddhists AND EVERYONE ELSE. Maybe what I asking is, even if there isn’t a divine design to the affairs of man, don’t we have to believe that there is one anyway to keep us from being even more inhuman to one another? Seriously, if you have a plausible way of looking at this, I would like to hear it.
2008, The Year In Review - Buzz Words and Phrases
Stimulus Package – This is a special package prepared by the wife whenever she needs to stimulate your spending and boost her economy. While the package contents maybe vary, they always include some combination of welcome home kisses, elaborately prepared (and served) dinners, special treats in the inner chamber and a quiet request made at the exact point when you are thanking God for your good fortune.
Change - Change we can use, especially when trying to buy pour water on Eko Bridge from a moving car. The change we need, we usually cannot find and we are forced to break a fifty just to buy yogurt. Change that is necessary, for parking meters in order to avoid getting a ticket.
Web 2.0 – Unlike Web 1.0, which brought us useful stuff like Yahoo email, AOL instant messenger and CNN, Web 2.0 is entirely devoted to time wasting with useless tools like Facebook, YouTube and Twitter.
Bailout – Used in reference to getting your good for nothing uncle out of jail. Could also be used to reference your technique for exiting your girlfriend’s house when her father returns unexpectedly back in the day.
Financial Meltdown - Refers to the melting of your saving account and net worth like ice- cream, in fact if your cone gets soggy watch out, even your small remaining cream will vanish.
Financial Tsunami – This is the avalanche caused by millions of ice-creams melting at the same time, like any other regular tsunami it will leave millions drenched in debt and devastation. We continue to mourn the passing of Bear Stearns and The Lehman Brothers, they will be missed.
Fannie and Freddie – This refers to the gay couple living down the street. They are very unreliable; and will flake on you if you invest in them. They do not work but have very rich parents and therefore throw money around as if it is nothing. But because they are always sending everybody gifts, they are beloved despite their flaws.
Credit Crunch – It is the crunch you feel when the shopkeeper tells you cheerfully “Your card has been decline”. A good credit crunch can be hard to digest, like undercooked steak it does not go down easily, especially if you have already committed to that big screen TV or maybe the In-laws are coming but your bank account is bone dry.
Maverick – A maverick is that person who can‘t do anything right but is given a free ride because “that is just who they are”. A maverick is allowed to have multiple positions on every topic, some of them at the same time. They are normally for small Government until they are against it.
Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps – Shady deals given to those who know the secret handshake or at least the secret knock. It is akin to someone else (no relation of yours whatsoever) taking out an insurance on your life. Tell me why they will not do you in and collect on the policy?
Working Class – Along with the Sleeping Class and the Watching Class make up the population of the United States.
Working Class Whites – Uniform worn by the most self righteous amongst the working class.
RBS or Royal Bank Of Scotland – unlike the common bank of Scotland, this one is quite useless at banking, it is staffed by Oxford and Cambridge grads, while they know nothing about banking, they are excellent at foxhunting and horseback riding.
Subprime – This is a new species of the human race. Since they were discovered, they have been instrumental in sending the world economy into a state of cardiac arrest. These lowly creatures have a terrible history of savings and an even worse history of paying bills. How anyone came to become a “subprime” anything is beyond me but from everything I have heard they are horrible people and they should never be allow to own anything.
Foreclosure – This happens after the bank has sent you like two thousand notices and have still not received the check you said you mail back June. In fact it is happening so frequently that in some areas, banks are having foreclosure parties where everybody can come hangout, turnover their keys and trash the house, good times I tell you.
Surge – A feeling you and your spouse enjoy in the privacy of your bedrooms. Obama was said to have surged to victory on election night, and from the smile on Michelle’s face, I think it might have been true.
The Detroit Big 3 – Three old men from Michigan, last spotted begging for alms in DC.
Global Warming – Which is not to be confused with Global Re-heating, global warming is much gentler, and you hardly know it is occurring. Like leaving an ice cube out in the open, eventually all you will have is a puddle of water, by then we should have all grown gills.
Obamamania – A state of delirium suffered by Africans everywhere, it is characterized by irrational hope and belief in the abilities of an American president.
Affluenza – A strain of Influenza that makes people chase affluence, to the death if necessary. It is an incurable condition, normally associated with the sacrifice of dignity, friends and scrupulous.
Cloud Computing – A technique for handing over all your secrets and sensitive company data to unknown people somewhere. It has been known to cause severe headaches if you do not have internet connection at the moment of need.
Lame Duck – Served with humility and plenty of regret.
Yes, we can – But what if we can’t? Alternatively, we tried and we couldn’t? Or what about a safer, sure we may?
Chinglish – The Chinese version of Spanglish, only not as cute.
Joe The Plumber - A description for self-promotional day workers suffering from delusions of grandeur.
Swing State – An alternative life style state where swingers are welcome, like California.
Nomophobia – this is the fear you experience upon jumping into your car and half way to work remember that you left your cell phone on the dresser. Despite the fact that nobody has call you on your cell at work in the past five years, you still turn the car around, because for some reason you just have to have your phone with you. This is also known as obssesive compulsive most have phone at all times disorder.
Ninja Loans – Loans taken out by men with years of training in evading loan repayments. These highly trained operatives have the ability to vanish into thin air with all the equity in a property, they have special skills used in drawing down all active lines of credit, securing second and third mortgages on properties; and persuading appraisers to inflate the value of a property by 300%.
Half And Half
To most people, the half-full or half-empty question relates to whether a person tends to be pessimistic or optimistic in their views of events. I always tended to believe that the question was a lot more fluid than the answers it tended to generate. In the course of an ordinary day, anyone can swing from one to the other. Generally and curiously, I find that people tend to be more glass half full (optimistic), after a tragedy or an event where the loss or the outcome could have been worse. For example if armed bandits rob you, you are thankful that they did not shoot you. On the other hand, when you enjoy some good fortune but you feel like the outcome could have been better, your outlook is generally half-empty.
The game show “Deal or No Deal” uses this quirk in people to ensure that 80 percent of their constants walk out of there losers. You see, winning a VW when there was the possibility you could have won a Benz, leaves most people with a sense of loss regardless of the fact that neither vehicle was a guaranteed get when they started out. The other curious thing about the way we view events, is that our views of our own fortune is colored by the relative good or bad fortune of other people. Watching the Joneses get richer would give most people a perpetual glass half full view of life even if you are not doing too badly yourself. Basically; we allow someone else’s circumstances to distort our view of our own self worth and most times this is without knowing the mitigating reasons for the other person’s success.
This displeasure could usually carry over into the all other areas of ones personal life, even into areas were your lot really is good, like marriage or your job or your friendships. To get clarity and to be able to balance out how we view things we will need to undergo a true paradigm shift (a change of position so profound, relative to our original position as to completely change our interpretation of events).
Experiences like finding God or surviving a truly harrowing experience tends to leave a lasting change in people where they are always thinking they are blessed. NBA basketball great Tracy Mcgrady returned from a trip to Somalia, with a completely new understanding to the words misery and hopelessness. For him, someone, who always thought that the worse that could happen was growing up poor and black in America, he experienced a paradigm shift that things could have been be a lot worse.
Here are some answers to the question Half Full or Half Empty? From Wiki answers
• Answer: Neither, It is always full. It may be filled with 50% of water and 50% of air, or any variation of competing percentages, but it is always full of something even if it looks empty, as it could be FULL of air.
• Answer: That is relative. Depends whether you are drinking or pouring.
• Answer: Logical point of view, the cup is half-full. A glass cannot be half-empty because half of nothing is still nothing.
• Answer: I think that the cup being half-full or half empty can and should both be looked at as positive viewpoints. For even if the cup is half-empty you have taken in half and you yourself are half-full. So in one sense (half full) you have more to consume, and in the other (half empty) you have consumed already a part of what there is.
• Answer: In Yorkshire they'd say the glass was too blummin' big
• Answer: I do not know how in the first place this could even be asked since your glass was empty to begin with, then it is logically half-full. HOWEVER, if you have filled your glass and drank half of it then it is half-empty so, you can not answer this question without knowing if the glass was completely full before you have stumbled upon it
The game show “Deal or No Deal” uses this quirk in people to ensure that 80 percent of their constants walk out of there losers. You see, winning a VW when there was the possibility you could have won a Benz, leaves most people with a sense of loss regardless of the fact that neither vehicle was a guaranteed get when they started out. The other curious thing about the way we view events, is that our views of our own fortune is colored by the relative good or bad fortune of other people. Watching the Joneses get richer would give most people a perpetual glass half full view of life even if you are not doing too badly yourself. Basically; we allow someone else’s circumstances to distort our view of our own self worth and most times this is without knowing the mitigating reasons for the other person’s success.
This displeasure could usually carry over into the all other areas of ones personal life, even into areas were your lot really is good, like marriage or your job or your friendships. To get clarity and to be able to balance out how we view things we will need to undergo a true paradigm shift (a change of position so profound, relative to our original position as to completely change our interpretation of events).
Experiences like finding God or surviving a truly harrowing experience tends to leave a lasting change in people where they are always thinking they are blessed. NBA basketball great Tracy Mcgrady returned from a trip to Somalia, with a completely new understanding to the words misery and hopelessness. For him, someone, who always thought that the worse that could happen was growing up poor and black in America, he experienced a paradigm shift that things could have been be a lot worse.
Here are some answers to the question Half Full or Half Empty? From Wiki answers
• Answer: Neither, It is always full. It may be filled with 50% of water and 50% of air, or any variation of competing percentages, but it is always full of something even if it looks empty, as it could be FULL of air.
• Answer: That is relative. Depends whether you are drinking or pouring.
• Answer: Logical point of view, the cup is half-full. A glass cannot be half-empty because half of nothing is still nothing.
• Answer: I think that the cup being half-full or half empty can and should both be looked at as positive viewpoints. For even if the cup is half-empty you have taken in half and you yourself are half-full. So in one sense (half full) you have more to consume, and in the other (half empty) you have consumed already a part of what there is.
• Answer: In Yorkshire they'd say the glass was too blummin' big
• Answer: I do not know how in the first place this could even be asked since your glass was empty to begin with, then it is logically half-full. HOWEVER, if you have filled your glass and drank half of it then it is half-empty so, you can not answer this question without knowing if the glass was completely full before you have stumbled upon it
Free Flow - In The Moment
Free form writing also known as stream-of-consciousness writing - can be used in order to clear the mind of half thoughts, actions, inactions, truths and half-truths. You go where your mind takes you and follow that thread as far along as it will take you, but branching off on the smallest of impulse. I started out by writing about resolutions and the New Year, wondering why people bother making “New Year Resolutions” when they know it will not be kept? Life altering changes are made not based on dates but events, in fact, it would be better to make New Year Restitutions (Resolution; defined: a firm decision to do something or hold firm to a belief, Restitutions defined: the return of something to the condition it was in before it was changed). Rather than a resolution to make new friends, how about making a restitution, by making up with a friend were the relationship has gone sour? Or rather than a resolution to give more to charity but instead make a restitution by returning anything you gained by wrongful means last year? It has a handle and an actual target and moreover it is bigger than just you.
Speaking of the New Year, this year all I am eating is fish, not that I particularly like fish but I have been convinced that fish contains Omega 3 oil (whatever that is) and that this oil unlike palm oil is good for me. Intellectually you can file this under the same heading as “vitamins improve your health”. For years they were supposed to be good for you, only recently the “know it alls” have changed their minds and decided that vitamin supplements do nothing for your health and are really just a waste of money since most people get all the Vitamins they need from their food anyway.
So with all the time in the world to make adjustments to your life, why would you choose the New Year? If you are in a plane flying across time zones it is possible to celebrate the incoming year 12 times in one day. Does the whole time zone thing make sense to you? Even cities on the same longitude are sometimes not even in the same time zone, the further west you go the less sense it makes. I know that LA should be at least 6 time zones away from NYC and not the current four, so how did they come by the four that we currently use and what happened to the other two? The thing I love most about LA are the freeways, I mean if not for the astronomical cost of living in that city, there is no better place to live on earth. The weather, the people, the topography and the malls are all to die for (except of course you live in Mahe, then in that case Na You Win). When I was in LA I experienced my first earthquake, believe me, if you have never been in one, there really is no way to describe the feeling that runs through you when the ground you are standing on begins to move, you immediately begin to understand how insignificant you are in context to everything else around you.
But I am are work now, second day back since the New Year, and I am not sure what to make of anything, I mean, are we in a recession or not? Everything feels the same, I am not really making anymore or less this year, than I did last year but for some reason I am extra tight with cash. Maybe it is all the doom and gloom being peddled on the TV or it is the fear that you don’t control your own faith as long as you are someone’s employee. I mean I would like to start my own show but I find myself a slave to the system, I truly am trapped in the matrix, Even if they pay me $500K a year, it is only because I am making $5M or more, a year for them. Ultimately it means that I have the skills to make $5M a year but I settle for the small cheese because I would rather be feed than bear the initial hunger it would take to free myself while searching for my own cheese.
I find that I am easily distracted, not ADD distracted but quickly convinced by extenuating factors to follow the next thought in the conga line of things running through my mind….. hmm, I wonder what will happen if I baked my Loafers?
Speaking of the New Year, this year all I am eating is fish, not that I particularly like fish but I have been convinced that fish contains Omega 3 oil (whatever that is) and that this oil unlike palm oil is good for me. Intellectually you can file this under the same heading as “vitamins improve your health”. For years they were supposed to be good for you, only recently the “know it alls” have changed their minds and decided that vitamin supplements do nothing for your health and are really just a waste of money since most people get all the Vitamins they need from their food anyway.
So with all the time in the world to make adjustments to your life, why would you choose the New Year? If you are in a plane flying across time zones it is possible to celebrate the incoming year 12 times in one day. Does the whole time zone thing make sense to you? Even cities on the same longitude are sometimes not even in the same time zone, the further west you go the less sense it makes. I know that LA should be at least 6 time zones away from NYC and not the current four, so how did they come by the four that we currently use and what happened to the other two? The thing I love most about LA are the freeways, I mean if not for the astronomical cost of living in that city, there is no better place to live on earth. The weather, the people, the topography and the malls are all to die for (except of course you live in Mahe, then in that case Na You Win). When I was in LA I experienced my first earthquake, believe me, if you have never been in one, there really is no way to describe the feeling that runs through you when the ground you are standing on begins to move, you immediately begin to understand how insignificant you are in context to everything else around you.
But I am are work now, second day back since the New Year, and I am not sure what to make of anything, I mean, are we in a recession or not? Everything feels the same, I am not really making anymore or less this year, than I did last year but for some reason I am extra tight with cash. Maybe it is all the doom and gloom being peddled on the TV or it is the fear that you don’t control your own faith as long as you are someone’s employee. I mean I would like to start my own show but I find myself a slave to the system, I truly am trapped in the matrix, Even if they pay me $500K a year, it is only because I am making $5M or more, a year for them. Ultimately it means that I have the skills to make $5M a year but I settle for the small cheese because I would rather be feed than bear the initial hunger it would take to free myself while searching for my own cheese.
I find that I am easily distracted, not ADD distracted but quickly convinced by extenuating factors to follow the next thought in the conga line of things running through my mind….. hmm, I wonder what will happen if I baked my Loafers?
Would You Like Some Coffee?
The time was about 4.45 PM last Tuesday, I was in a dead hurry, I had to do some last minute shopping, I needed to close a few loopholes since I was travelling the next day. In my haste, I did not pay attention to the road and broadsided this pickup truck that swing into my lane from the left. That stopped me cold, “Ok wetin man go do now”? “where you sey you dey hurry go again?” Initially rhetorical questions were shooting through my mind like laser beams, then logic kicked in.
I called 911, checked on the other car, called the insurance company, scheduled a tow and a rental. The police came, compared my blackness and the other guy’s whiteness, noted that I was an IgboAmerican and after some consultation with a tape measure, told me I was at fault. At which point, the driver of the other car started limping and his lady companion requested a stretcher. I found it all mildly amusing but I still had so much to do and that plane was leaving for the UK tomorrow whether I was on it or not, so I did not have time to pander the irony of a Nigerian being scammed by an American, I had loads of things to do.
The next day I had my first pleasant experience of the week, I picked up my loaner and it was a Toyota Prius, it was my first time driving a Hybrid and I tell you, there is nothing quite like that car on the road. First it is completely silent, not an “I can’t hear my engine when I drive my Lexus silent” but a dead quietness like a super efficient air-conditioning unit, it was eerie. The difference between the car off and the car on was……nothing. The if the car had been named Dell or HP, I would have concluded that this is how it felt to drive a computer. Speaking of cars, do you know that GM’s Opel/Vauxhall Unit in Europe makes a 49 miles per galleon wet dream of a car that they have refused to sell in the US because they think we are satisfied with the very mediocre Chevrolet? I rolled around London in one these cars and was extremely impressed with the ambiance in the vehicle, it is not a luxury car by any means but in the mid level family sedan market, it would have easily competed with a Honda or Camry on a level playing field.
Anyway, so I got my Prius, by now it was about 3.00 PM and I had to get to the airport before my 5.00 PM flight, so I rushed home and started pouring stuff into the first box I could lay my hands on. I anticipated all kinds of weather during my four day stay, so I packed for winter, spring and summer. I jumped back into the car and stopped…….. I could not start the car, you see, at the rental place they had shown me how to drive the thing and some other stuff but I was not paying attention, I was in a hurry to get home, to start packing. Trust me, even the most sophisticated person would have been temporarily stump by the ignition concept in this car.
Long story, short, I barely made it to the airport (yeah, about that Hybrid, I called my friend to come and drop me off, since I “did not have a car”) on time. I breezed through checking, got on the plane, closed my eyes to catch a shutter, woke up to the Pilot saying “we will landing at Heathrow Airport shortly”. Wow, I must have slept through 10 hours of flight of time, but all the better, I was energized, ready to enter this Jungle and cause some major Wahala. From here this tori gets thick, yes, let me slow down and gather my thoughts, I want to lay this down like fresh bread on Sunday morning in the dinning hall, this will be worth the wait.
All ebb, no flow......
The footsteps follow me everywhere, creep by creepy creep, all around the house. I am not afraid of them, I am resigned to the shadows hovering around me. Looking out through the window, I notice the grey light of an early dawn, there is a sadness about this morning but I refuse to address the source of this vague malaise I am experiencing. I walk sleepily into the kitchen and start a pot, for I must have my coffee. The feeling of performing everyday tasks, the routine itself is comforting, like a warm blanket in a cold room. Slowly my brain is stirring awake, coming on full blast like an express train pulling into the station, I know subconsciously what will arrive on that train, it’s the same footsteps that has been following me all around the house, all morning. There it was, I am wide awake, there is no escaping it now, everywhere I look, it stares back at me, in big black unflinching letters; MICHAEL JACKSON DEAD AT 50! How exactly am I going to spend the rest of my day?
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Thought currently renting space in my head….
I often find myself wondering about the nature of the true relationship between Alhaji Sir Ahmadu Bello and Sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa. Though both men shared much in common including fact that they both attended Katsina Teacher's Training College, were both killed on the same day, for the same reason, by the same group, they could not be more different. Politically they appeared to the every much aligned, both were “pro northern” in everything but yet entered into an alliance with the Pan African Nnamdi Azikiwe and not the more tribal centric Obafemi Awolowo. At the very least, there should have been some resentment from the “commoner” Balewa, that despite the fact that he was the prime minister he still had to answer to the blue blooded regional head, who appeared to be more interested in becoming the Emir of Sokoto than in becoming the head of the young nation.
By the time of the ‘66 coup, which funnily enough was staged by a group of a delusional nationalist group of southern soldiers, the relationship between the NCNC and NPC was virtually non-existent. One would presume that the more intellectually minded Balewa would see the writing on the wall, have known that his continued position of influence depended on the continuation of the partnership with one of the other two major parties since the regional position of authority was not up for debate. I think of the dichotomy that such a complex power sharing model such as theirs would have presented. The friction that their relationship would have created is endlessly fascinating to me, two men of near equal education with similar backgrounds in politics but distinctly contrasting social economic backgrounds trying maintain an equilibrium. The chorography in that dance must have been knife’s edge. Either, from lack of foresight or disinterest, it is almost impossible to get a sense of these two individuals as human beings, writings and historical documentations, barely hint at personalities or any other individualist traits that would have served as a clue of who they were or how they managed their day to day interactions. Reading with a magnifying glass between the lines, there is an assumption that Sir Bello was the Alpha dog of the relationship but was this through natural selection or more akin to a political ascension based on a privileged birth?
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By the time of the ‘66 coup, which funnily enough was staged by a group of a delusional nationalist group of southern soldiers, the relationship between the NCNC and NPC was virtually non-existent. One would presume that the more intellectually minded Balewa would see the writing on the wall, have known that his continued position of influence depended on the continuation of the partnership with one of the other two major parties since the regional position of authority was not up for debate. I think of the dichotomy that such a complex power sharing model such as theirs would have presented. The friction that their relationship would have created is endlessly fascinating to me, two men of near equal education with similar backgrounds in politics but distinctly contrasting social economic backgrounds trying maintain an equilibrium. The chorography in that dance must have been knife’s edge. Either, from lack of foresight or disinterest, it is almost impossible to get a sense of these two individuals as human beings, writings and historical documentations, barely hint at personalities or any other individualist traits that would have served as a clue of who they were or how they managed their day to day interactions. Reading with a magnifying glass between the lines, there is an assumption that Sir Bello was the Alpha dog of the relationship but was this through natural selection or more akin to a political ascension based on a privileged birth?
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The Mark
Walking around with my hands in my pocket. I stopped to admire my shoes. I looked around to see who was watching, not spotting anyone, I proceeded to draw attention to my Bruno Maglis’ by stumping my foot hard on the floor like I was trying to kill a an armored plated roach. I smiled to myself as if enjoying a private joke, tugged on my Evisu jeans to better display my Lacoste belt, yes I was dressed to the nines and feeling myself like you would not believe. I walked into the bar, tossed my Armani jacket on the back of the chair next to mine, loosed my Oxford old school tie and asked the bar lady for a double shot of Remy Martin Louis XIII. Heck, you only live once and I knew how to do it in style. I checked my Tag Heuer, I still had about fifteen minutes to kill before my mark got here, I thought about messing with the bar lady but she was kind of plain, so I decided that it is a bad idea. I pulled out my Blackberry, checked to see if I had a strong enough WIFI signal, and started tapping on the screen with my stylus. The Mark walks in all shifty eyed and swivel headed, he does a quick scan of the room and begins to head in my direction, this was going to be easy. A smile like the rising of the sun spreads across my face as I extend my hand and in my best Barry White baritone I introduce myself, “Prince Clairplate Nwachopchop”, I say, “glad to finally make your acquaintance in person after these months” “ I feel like we are practically friends” “What is your poison?” Remy? Scotch? He swallows hard and in a thin voice, declines my invitation. He seemed to be in a hurry to get it over with and I could not be happier. I order two more cuts of the Remy, I pulled out a wad of $100.00 bills and with great theatrical flair proceeded to overpay and over tip the bar lady, out of the corner of my eye I could see his eyes bulge at the sheer size of my stack. We retired to a secluded part of part of the bar, I quickly go over the story once again with him, explaining about the trust fund and the difficulties I was having with coming up with the full actualization and monetization fees. I reassured him once again, that with our 60/40 split he could be sitting on a beach in Ibiza, sipping on Pina coladas by this time next week. He appeared to calm down a little, he told me he had heard about all these Nigerian scam artists duping people out of their money but he could tell that a royal prince such as myself was the real deal and he felt privileged to have this opportunity. He started to go into a monologue about his family, his pregnant wife and how he had to mortgage everything to come up with the funds but I was barely listening. I smiled broadly and made sympathetic noises and I tell him that his bravery will be rewarded, “imagine the smile on the missy’s face when you come home with a string of pearls?” I say to him. I was getting impatient, I ask him if he has the bank check we had talked about, he said yes. I ask to see it, he fumbles about in his breast pocket for a second and hands me the check. I look it over, it appears to be in order, I begin folding the check and his next words had me sitting stock still, every single muscle frozen in place. With heart pounding and mind racing, I try to decide if I really heard him right, I beggg your parrrdon? I stammer, “Mr Chopchop, you are under arrest” he said, in his left hand he was holding an FBI badge.
9jia Could Be Home
Individualistic Traits & Leadership
Back in the 90’s when the super eagles had a dominant team, they were the pride of Nigeria and also the reason too many people contemplated jumping from the balcony. They were super talented but frustrating as hell, always getting knocked out in tournaments they were favored to do well in. Nobody represented this era of Nigerian football better than Austin Jay Jay (So nice, they named him twice) Okocha, super talented midfielder with exquisite skills, he had a magical touch with the ball. There was no move he could not make, no space too tight for him not to attempt an overhead flick, the more defenders you put in front of him the better he liked his chances.
At the same time if any player was going to dribble in infinite circles away from the goal line, it was him. He could boot a devastating shot into the stands, even when he has wide open teammates he could have passed to, sometimes you felt like his teammates were playing at half speed because they were tired of watching him monopolize the ball. Contrasted with Oliseh, his less talented but more efficient midfield partner, most people preferred Oliseh’s game. Oliseh was economical with his approach, he seemed to like one touch football and all that; but at the end of the day, we all came to watch Okocha play, if anybody could create magic on the pitch he was the one. It was common place to blame Okocha whenever Nigeria lost. He dribbled too much, he does not pass, he is too offensive minded and does not do enough on defense.
Which now brings me to the point of this conversation, is it his duty to tone down his game to make his teammates comfortable or should they be the ones to raise their game in order to play at his level? Last night on TNT, Chris Webber in discussing the upcoming NBA All-star Game noted that he played for good teams and bad teams. On both teams, his workout routine was the same and his effort was the same. Unfortunately, outcomes were different because on the bad teams the other people (team managers, teammates ETC) were not as good, so he did not win as much. Since C-Webb did not get to pick his teammates, he didn't think he should be penalized for this outcome? I guess what he was basically getting at was, whether he is still a winner if he does the same things a winner does but does not get the same results? You will find that this occurs more often in life than you would care to admit.
Imagine this, you are working hard, doing everything right but your company is failing, one day they layoff everybody and you hit the unemployment line through no fault of your own. While you can take solace in the fact that it is not your fault, but the fact is you are in the same position as the bum that shows up for work late and rarely achieved any of his job goals. In this example while your individual performance was stellar, your team sucked. How can you be considered a success, when your team is not doing well? In basketball more than any other sport this is a common phenomena. Back in 2005/2006 Kobe Bryant of the Lakers, was surrounded by four stiffs, he played like a maniac, even once scoring 81 points in a game. He was willing to taking on a disproportionate proportion of his team’s offensive possessions just to make sure his team had a chance, despite all this, his team did not do very well and he was called a loser, not a good leader, whatever. Now his team is winning at a ridiculous clip, he is still putting out the same effort but all of a sudden, he has matured and is now a team player but the truth is, the only real difference between then and now, is that his teammates are better.
Consider this, you work in a call center, the layabouts that are your colleagues find any excuse not to show up for work or answer the phone. They are constantly rude to customers, they don’t follow procedure and generally create a hostile work environment. Is it your place to show them how do a better job? knowing that if they fail, you all fail. Or is it enough, for you to do your very best and hope that when the end comes you can hold your head high knowing that you did all that you could? Even if in the end you all fail collectively as a group.
At the same time if any player was going to dribble in infinite circles away from the goal line, it was him. He could boot a devastating shot into the stands, even when he has wide open teammates he could have passed to, sometimes you felt like his teammates were playing at half speed because they were tired of watching him monopolize the ball. Contrasted with Oliseh, his less talented but more efficient midfield partner, most people preferred Oliseh’s game. Oliseh was economical with his approach, he seemed to like one touch football and all that; but at the end of the day, we all came to watch Okocha play, if anybody could create magic on the pitch he was the one. It was common place to blame Okocha whenever Nigeria lost. He dribbled too much, he does not pass, he is too offensive minded and does not do enough on defense.
Which now brings me to the point of this conversation, is it his duty to tone down his game to make his teammates comfortable or should they be the ones to raise their game in order to play at his level? Last night on TNT, Chris Webber in discussing the upcoming NBA All-star Game noted that he played for good teams and bad teams. On both teams, his workout routine was the same and his effort was the same. Unfortunately, outcomes were different because on the bad teams the other people (team managers, teammates ETC) were not as good, so he did not win as much. Since C-Webb did not get to pick his teammates, he didn't think he should be penalized for this outcome? I guess what he was basically getting at was, whether he is still a winner if he does the same things a winner does but does not get the same results? You will find that this occurs more often in life than you would care to admit.
Imagine this, you are working hard, doing everything right but your company is failing, one day they layoff everybody and you hit the unemployment line through no fault of your own. While you can take solace in the fact that it is not your fault, but the fact is you are in the same position as the bum that shows up for work late and rarely achieved any of his job goals. In this example while your individual performance was stellar, your team sucked. How can you be considered a success, when your team is not doing well? In basketball more than any other sport this is a common phenomena. Back in 2005/2006 Kobe Bryant of the Lakers, was surrounded by four stiffs, he played like a maniac, even once scoring 81 points in a game. He was willing to taking on a disproportionate proportion of his team’s offensive possessions just to make sure his team had a chance, despite all this, his team did not do very well and he was called a loser, not a good leader, whatever. Now his team is winning at a ridiculous clip, he is still putting out the same effort but all of a sudden, he has matured and is now a team player but the truth is, the only real difference between then and now, is that his teammates are better.
Consider this, you work in a call center, the layabouts that are your colleagues find any excuse not to show up for work or answer the phone. They are constantly rude to customers, they don’t follow procedure and generally create a hostile work environment. Is it your place to show them how do a better job? knowing that if they fail, you all fail. Or is it enough, for you to do your very best and hope that when the end comes you can hold your head high knowing that you did all that you could? Even if in the end you all fail collectively as a group.
Older Yes, But The Wisdom Is Missing.
So I am a year older; not wiser but definitely older. The year went by, the way it always goes by around here, in a blur. First I was complaining about my insurance, then I was noticing I would soon qualify for the senior citizen’s discount! I will soon be one of those old men driving 25 on a 55 and refusing to move over to the slow lane.
I already find my self complaining about the music, telling everybody that will listen that the music from my day was better. I call what they listen to now noise and tell them about the sweet harmony of Boyz to Men; these kids, they couldn’t care less.
So it came to pass that yesterday’s high fashion is today’s granny clothes but I have tried sagging my jeans and wearing torn shirts but I just end up feeling like a fool. Yes I still know all the brands and read all the mags but the clothes don’t feel right, except if they are formal or weekend gear, I am not even sure I still know how to dress for clubs. Growing up, cool youthful dressing was either Theo from “The Huxtables or Will from “The fresh prince of Bel Air”, nowadays it's "The Jonas Brothers".
How times have changed, now Will is a super duper movie star and Theo is selling Jamba Juice at 2.00 AM in infomercials on channel 3005.
It used to be that you showed up at a party; found a spot along the wall and proceeded to imagine what you could do to all the well dress women in the place. Now you show and immediately start networking, you never know when someone might be in position to be useful in the future.
I still run and play basketball or soccer or ice hockey or whatever is in season; but I notice I am the one complaining about all the calls at every game, more and more often. I was either fouled or I did not foul anyone, either way the game must stop so that I can adjust my breathing and stop that crazy pounding in my chest. I count my good weekends as any weekend I don’t have to have to attend a wedding, and look forward every Sunday to watching Andy Rooney round up 60 Minutes but if you have ever read anything I wrote, you already know all this.
I already find my self complaining about the music, telling everybody that will listen that the music from my day was better. I call what they listen to now noise and tell them about the sweet harmony of Boyz to Men; these kids, they couldn’t care less.
So it came to pass that yesterday’s high fashion is today’s granny clothes but I have tried sagging my jeans and wearing torn shirts but I just end up feeling like a fool. Yes I still know all the brands and read all the mags but the clothes don’t feel right, except if they are formal or weekend gear, I am not even sure I still know how to dress for clubs. Growing up, cool youthful dressing was either Theo from “The Huxtables or Will from “The fresh prince of Bel Air”, nowadays it's "The Jonas Brothers".
How times have changed, now Will is a super duper movie star and Theo is selling Jamba Juice at 2.00 AM in infomercials on channel 3005.
It used to be that you showed up at a party; found a spot along the wall and proceeded to imagine what you could do to all the well dress women in the place. Now you show and immediately start networking, you never know when someone might be in position to be useful in the future.
I still run and play basketball or soccer or ice hockey or whatever is in season; but I notice I am the one complaining about all the calls at every game, more and more often. I was either fouled or I did not foul anyone, either way the game must stop so that I can adjust my breathing and stop that crazy pounding in my chest. I count my good weekends as any weekend I don’t have to have to attend a wedding, and look forward every Sunday to watching Andy Rooney round up 60 Minutes but if you have ever read anything I wrote, you already know all this.
Why Blog?
My pen drips liquid pleasure, my writing is like crack cocaine to my brain. I do not enjoy everything I put down but I always get a buzz from the reaction it elicits. It is true that most true artists are interested not in the millions that idolize their work but in the hundreds that claim not to be impressed. I do not feel like an artist, I feel more like a magician, conjuring up words of such exquisite fragility that the fabric from which this intricate tapestry is woven; is at once as shred able as cotton and at the same time as strong as silk. I feel like good writing should go down smooth like Irish cream but with the alcoholic effect of a shot of Irish whiskey. I write because I am bored, and need an escape, a place where my mind is occupied with complex realities and the everyday anomalies of human existence. I write to kill the fiery devil at the center of my heart that wants me to do so much more about the everyday injustices both real and perceived that plague not just me or mine but humanity and man. I write to express a point of view, to get out an opinion, to stretch my arguments over a wider area than the guy siding in the barstool next to me at the pub, to openly state my assumptions to see if others think along the same path. But mostly, I write, because I have an audience, even if it is an audience of one, it is more than my words deserve and for that I say thank you.
You, Your Past and A New Beginning - You Can Do This.
If yesterday’s you met today’s you, would he be disappointed? The course of life would appear to be incredibly winding, is it possible that out of fatigue from the sheer grind of daily living today’s you left behind yesterday’s hopes and dreams? In the course of reaching for heaven, is it possible that you settled for a penthouse? You are still high up, but you look around and realize that a piece of you might forever never be actualized? Like bad sex, despite the fact that you appreciate that it happened, you know that it could have been so much better.
Tenacity is a trait that is remarkably in short supply, the need to follow the path of least resistance is as old as the universe itself, water flows over rocks seeking the softest corners, it curves its course by wearing them down, the same thing with human nature. Our course through life is often consumed by the present, hardly the hard past or the ambiguous future. The present represents a cumulative total of all that you have been up until now, all your mistakes, concessions, good fortune and hard work. The future is wide open you could still be whatever (yes, you can be president), the past should serve as a reservoir of dos and don’ts but in the end we use it for a dark cupboard where we hide our misdeeds, clandestine affairs, shameful experiences, failed projects, abandoned dreams and mismanaged opportunities.
People tend to haul the past around like an anchor bringing it like nuclear waste into their present, polluting everything. It sours your optimism, because your experience tells you it will not work, rather than you finding answers of what will work in the past, the past tells you to give up. The past colors your objectivity, making sure that you bring a bias into every situation regardless of its relevance. It’s strange that we carry so much of our history around with us but often do not reach into that closet to pull out encouragement for the present but rather excuses for our future. The other funny thing is that the past, the present and the future are all the same, one second ago was your past, and one second from now is your future, the decision you made a minute ago to is immediately affecting your present and invariable will have an effect in the future that will emerge from this present.
So if you were to meet the younger you, the one that ran to class with only one sock and tattered sandals, the one that dreamt of being a Nobel laureate, tell him, yes you have compromised, yes you have deviated from the path but tell him that you have seen the light and you will be back stronger and more determined than ever, that you will be a credit to him, because there is nothing that has happened that says you can’t be all that, Nelson Mandela become president at 79, you have a long way to go.
Tenacity is a trait that is remarkably in short supply, the need to follow the path of least resistance is as old as the universe itself, water flows over rocks seeking the softest corners, it curves its course by wearing them down, the same thing with human nature. Our course through life is often consumed by the present, hardly the hard past or the ambiguous future. The present represents a cumulative total of all that you have been up until now, all your mistakes, concessions, good fortune and hard work. The future is wide open you could still be whatever (yes, you can be president), the past should serve as a reservoir of dos and don’ts but in the end we use it for a dark cupboard where we hide our misdeeds, clandestine affairs, shameful experiences, failed projects, abandoned dreams and mismanaged opportunities.
People tend to haul the past around like an anchor bringing it like nuclear waste into their present, polluting everything. It sours your optimism, because your experience tells you it will not work, rather than you finding answers of what will work in the past, the past tells you to give up. The past colors your objectivity, making sure that you bring a bias into every situation regardless of its relevance. It’s strange that we carry so much of our history around with us but often do not reach into that closet to pull out encouragement for the present but rather excuses for our future. The other funny thing is that the past, the present and the future are all the same, one second ago was your past, and one second from now is your future, the decision you made a minute ago to is immediately affecting your present and invariable will have an effect in the future that will emerge from this present.
So if you were to meet the younger you, the one that ran to class with only one sock and tattered sandals, the one that dreamt of being a Nobel laureate, tell him, yes you have compromised, yes you have deviated from the path but tell him that you have seen the light and you will be back stronger and more determined than ever, that you will be a credit to him, because there is nothing that has happened that says you can’t be all that, Nelson Mandela become president at 79, you have a long way to go.
Seinfeldian Questions Without Good Answers
If someone is holding the door open for you, are you obligated to hurry up? Are they not really putting unnecessary pressure on you, trying to force you to live up to their own lofty standards? Why can't you just continue the leisurely stroll you were having before?
If you are alone in your car and happen to have your finger up your nose at the exact time another car pulls up level so that you can see the disgust look on the face of the other driver, should you apologize? Would it not be more satisfying to pull out you finger and pretend to lick it, just as you drive away?
If you are bald and were trying out a wig when a woman happens to become attracted to your lush head of hair. If you make arrangements to go on a date with her, At what point will you tell her, the hair is not yours? Why do you have to tell her anything? Why not find a good piece of glue and stick that thing unto your scalp until one of your other insecurities kills the relationship naturally.
If you buy a couple a expensive wedding present, then they cancel the wedding. Should you tracked down the party in possession of your gift and ask for the gift to be returned? if you are still owing the credit card company for the charge using in purchasing the “three speed vacuum blender with automatic washer and dryer settings” can you insist they stay married?
If you say “I love you” to your date and they do not acknowledge or indicate that they heard you the first time, should you throw out a second possibly louder “I Love You”? They genuinely could have not heard you or It could be double the humiliation as the second “I love you” just sits there between the two of you, growing in a bigger pile of sh*t by the second.
If you visit the restroom in someone’s house and find one of those pile of magazines that is always stacked in there, if you finish you business but find yourself still engrossed in the “history of the reticulated Python” can you bring the magazine back out into the living area from it's former resting place? Or can you stay in the loo indefinately until you finish your reading?
A young couple you know just had a baby, and on your visit to see the new addition to the family, the wife is like “come and carry baby Mandillas, for a bit”, apart from being very ugly, baby Mandillas has a crooked neck that makes his head lie at an odd angle and the whole thing scares the crap out of you. Can you refuse to carry the baby?
If you visit the restroom in your new date’s house and totally destroy the joint, then just as you are about to flush, you reach for toilet paper and come up empty. Do you call out for a new roll? Switch to water or dress up and run out the place claiming an emergency via a call you just received on the cell phone?
You happen been swimming and suffered significant shrinkage from the cold water, if while you are drying off, a lady you were interested in, stumbles upon you and her eyes are drawn to your severely handicapped member. Should you immediately start to explain to her unasked how you had gone skinny dipping in freezing water? Or would it be better to just move on and hope she does not tell anybody or at least nobody you might run into again?
You are alone in your car with the A/C on and you let go a big fat stinky one, just at that moment a friend that you have not seen in a long long time recognizes you and starts to knock on the window, asking you to winding down. Do you wind down and let them take a good whack in the face or pretend not to recognize them while gently putting your car in drive?
If you are alone in your car and happen to have your finger up your nose at the exact time another car pulls up level so that you can see the disgust look on the face of the other driver, should you apologize? Would it not be more satisfying to pull out you finger and pretend to lick it, just as you drive away?
If you are bald and were trying out a wig when a woman happens to become attracted to your lush head of hair. If you make arrangements to go on a date with her, At what point will you tell her, the hair is not yours? Why do you have to tell her anything? Why not find a good piece of glue and stick that thing unto your scalp until one of your other insecurities kills the relationship naturally.
If you buy a couple a expensive wedding present, then they cancel the wedding. Should you tracked down the party in possession of your gift and ask for the gift to be returned? if you are still owing the credit card company for the charge using in purchasing the “three speed vacuum blender with automatic washer and dryer settings” can you insist they stay married?
If you say “I love you” to your date and they do not acknowledge or indicate that they heard you the first time, should you throw out a second possibly louder “I Love You”? They genuinely could have not heard you or It could be double the humiliation as the second “I love you” just sits there between the two of you, growing in a bigger pile of sh*t by the second.
If you visit the restroom in someone’s house and find one of those pile of magazines that is always stacked in there, if you finish you business but find yourself still engrossed in the “history of the reticulated Python” can you bring the magazine back out into the living area from it's former resting place? Or can you stay in the loo indefinately until you finish your reading?
A young couple you know just had a baby, and on your visit to see the new addition to the family, the wife is like “come and carry baby Mandillas, for a bit”, apart from being very ugly, baby Mandillas has a crooked neck that makes his head lie at an odd angle and the whole thing scares the crap out of you. Can you refuse to carry the baby?
If you visit the restroom in your new date’s house and totally destroy the joint, then just as you are about to flush, you reach for toilet paper and come up empty. Do you call out for a new roll? Switch to water or dress up and run out the place claiming an emergency via a call you just received on the cell phone?
You happen been swimming and suffered significant shrinkage from the cold water, if while you are drying off, a lady you were interested in, stumbles upon you and her eyes are drawn to your severely handicapped member. Should you immediately start to explain to her unasked how you had gone skinny dipping in freezing water? Or would it be better to just move on and hope she does not tell anybody or at least nobody you might run into again?
You are alone in your car with the A/C on and you let go a big fat stinky one, just at that moment a friend that you have not seen in a long long time recognizes you and starts to knock on the window, asking you to winding down. Do you wind down and let them take a good whack in the face or pretend not to recognize them while gently putting your car in drive?
Tired Of The Excuses
So you would ask, after spotting these dramatically wild half sentences or phrases that seem to have been put together by Kokolet; sentences like “ .. starts to knock on the window, asking you to winding down the window” or even “ …which funnily enough was staged by a group of a delusional nationalist group of southern soldiers…” why don’t i make the necessary corrections and move on? Because it would be dishonest and the truth is that no matter what I change, I can’t make anyone that read the initial post, unread it. So after much thought I have decided to invest in a Spanish to English dictionary to brush up on my vocabulary, I will be re-enrolling in the free English for Indigenous Tribes classes at the local community college and lastly I am purchasing a typing for beginners and other slow learners software program that will teach me to type the proper way. Hopefully in a few months I will be able to complete a few lines without completely rendering the reader brain dead. In the meantime I apologize for any previous or current occurrence of random shelling you might have endured from my misguided attempt at blogging. Now that I have gotten that off my chest, i can now go back to misunder representing educated Nigerians on the internet, God help us all.
Race and Racism
Race, one word, with a deeper meaning than the Mariana Trench. It is impossible to have an honest discussion about race. Nobody ever says what they truly feel, clichés flow forth like cheap wine whenever anything racial is the topic.
Thefreedictionary.com has these two definitions for race;
1. A local geographic or global human population distinguished as a more or less distinct group by genetically transmitted physical characteristics.
2. A group of people united or classified together on the basis of common history, nationality, or geographic distribution: the German race.
The German race, funny that they would use that example. If the definitions above are accurate then race is either a commonality based on physical appearance or a cultural phenomena, the resultant effect of the geographical distribution of the human population. I think most people will agree, that it is some combination of these two definitions that produces the toxic mix which eventually leads to hate crimes.
These days the in thing is to differentiate between a racial incident and a racist act, as if the clever play on semantics would somehow lessen the gravity of the discrimination, this would be somewhat along the lines of degrees of pregnancy. You can’t be a little bit pregnant. The problem with bigotry is that it comes in so many shades and hues. The more sophisticated the community, the harder it is to spot. It is at it’s crudes form when combined with poverty, illiteracy and a sense of social inferiority. I have had some friends make the most insensitive statements about a person of a different race, not because do not mind being labeled racist, it takes a certain level of disregard for civil society to openly admit to be being a bigot. They make these statements out of ignorance, and in the mistaken belief that this is just a conversation amongst “us”, nobody was hurt by it.
There lies the problem, ignorance or not, they are being more honest than they would have ever been had the person they were referring to been with us at the time. If a “White” or “Latino” joke is funny when you are with your “Black” friends, it should be funny when your “White” friends come around as well. If African Americans or black people as a whole tend to play the race card more than others, it is not because we ourselves have somehow transcended race. A thousand years of real and perceived oppression, coupled with generational marginalization has led us to build a racial safety net as a catch all for every insult and injury (real or imagined), that we have suffered at the hand of another race. “He would not treat me this way, if I was white” is almost a manta amongst colored folk. The person could just be a “jerk” to all people, of all races.
Going back to the definition of race for a minute; it is true that the human mind will always look for a way to differentiate itself. We find newer and more ingenuous ways to reclassify ourselves everyday. Hence the reason why in some places tribal differences inspire a hatred that burns with a fire that few racists can match. As long as we continue to see “white people”, “black people”, “Africans”, “Asians”, “Southerners”, “Northerners”, “Ibos’” and “Yorubas’” instead of fathers , mothers, uncles and aunts, the world will continue to be a complicated place to live in.
Thefreedictionary.com has these two definitions for race;
1. A local geographic or global human population distinguished as a more or less distinct group by genetically transmitted physical characteristics.
2. A group of people united or classified together on the basis of common history, nationality, or geographic distribution: the German race.
The German race, funny that they would use that example. If the definitions above are accurate then race is either a commonality based on physical appearance or a cultural phenomena, the resultant effect of the geographical distribution of the human population. I think most people will agree, that it is some combination of these two definitions that produces the toxic mix which eventually leads to hate crimes.
These days the in thing is to differentiate between a racial incident and a racist act, as if the clever play on semantics would somehow lessen the gravity of the discrimination, this would be somewhat along the lines of degrees of pregnancy. You can’t be a little bit pregnant. The problem with bigotry is that it comes in so many shades and hues. The more sophisticated the community, the harder it is to spot. It is at it’s crudes form when combined with poverty, illiteracy and a sense of social inferiority. I have had some friends make the most insensitive statements about a person of a different race, not because do not mind being labeled racist, it takes a certain level of disregard for civil society to openly admit to be being a bigot. They make these statements out of ignorance, and in the mistaken belief that this is just a conversation amongst “us”, nobody was hurt by it.
There lies the problem, ignorance or not, they are being more honest than they would have ever been had the person they were referring to been with us at the time. If a “White” or “Latino” joke is funny when you are with your “Black” friends, it should be funny when your “White” friends come around as well. If African Americans or black people as a whole tend to play the race card more than others, it is not because we ourselves have somehow transcended race. A thousand years of real and perceived oppression, coupled with generational marginalization has led us to build a racial safety net as a catch all for every insult and injury (real or imagined), that we have suffered at the hand of another race. “He would not treat me this way, if I was white” is almost a manta amongst colored folk. The person could just be a “jerk” to all people, of all races.
Going back to the definition of race for a minute; it is true that the human mind will always look for a way to differentiate itself. We find newer and more ingenuous ways to reclassify ourselves everyday. Hence the reason why in some places tribal differences inspire a hatred that burns with a fire that few racists can match. As long as we continue to see “white people”, “black people”, “Africans”, “Asians”, “Southerners”, “Northerners”, “Ibos’” and “Yorubas’” instead of fathers , mothers, uncles and aunts, the world will continue to be a complicated place to live in.
Deep Pools of Black on the South Side of Chicago
I am going to tell you a story, a sad story.
A story of unimaginable misery and a very forlorn story.
This story will leave you in tears.
Iit will leave you angry.
It will leave you with despair in your heart and a gaping hole in your soul.
This is a story about confused youth and gang cultures.
The story of missing dadas' and preoccupied mammies.
It is a story driven by poverty and social marginalization.
A story about the institutionally disenfranchised.
A story about the boy who walked on the wrong side of street.
This is a story about anywhere USA.
A place where the child is raised by the streets.
A place where only one rule matters.
The rule that helps you survive the silence of the city night.
A place where your cry for help will be met by blank stares.
A place where deep and hollow eyes look straight through you.
A place scarred by the viciousness of lives counted in minutes.
Your heart will be broken, again and again.
You will hear of promises being thrown away.
Tales of futures damaged beyond repair.
Tales of men dealing with the repercussions of decisions made as a child.
You will resign yourself to the hopelessness of the times.
You will tell yourself it is the sad savage underbelly of “living in the City”.
The “City” a jungle of a place where boys grow up fast and girls even faster.
A place driven by the one true creed, “I gats to get wats mines”.
I was going to tell you this story.
But you have already heard it, so many times before.
Now the whole thing just washes over you.
Even though you are soaked in it.
You barely stop to reflect on the brutally and stupidity of it all anymore.
This is the sad story of black on black violence.
A story of unimaginable misery and a very forlorn story.
This story will leave you in tears.
Iit will leave you angry.
It will leave you with despair in your heart and a gaping hole in your soul.
This is a story about confused youth and gang cultures.
The story of missing dadas' and preoccupied mammies.
It is a story driven by poverty and social marginalization.
A story about the institutionally disenfranchised.
A story about the boy who walked on the wrong side of street.
This is a story about anywhere USA.
A place where the child is raised by the streets.
A place where only one rule matters.
The rule that helps you survive the silence of the city night.
A place where your cry for help will be met by blank stares.
A place where deep and hollow eyes look straight through you.
A place scarred by the viciousness of lives counted in minutes.
Your heart will be broken, again and again.
You will hear of promises being thrown away.
Tales of futures damaged beyond repair.
Tales of men dealing with the repercussions of decisions made as a child.
You will resign yourself to the hopelessness of the times.
You will tell yourself it is the sad savage underbelly of “living in the City”.
The “City” a jungle of a place where boys grow up fast and girls even faster.
A place driven by the one true creed, “I gats to get wats mines”.
I was going to tell you this story.
But you have already heard it, so many times before.
Now the whole thing just washes over you.
Even though you are soaked in it.
You barely stop to reflect on the brutally and stupidity of it all anymore.
This is the sad story of black on black violence.
Things That We Say
“A very large conflagration has overtaken your domicile”. This would be a Nigerian telling you that your house is on fire. The statement itself is technically correct but tactically useless, both in it’s execution and it’s purpose. There is something very Nigerian in a cultural sense in that statement. There are so many elements of our political psychic embedded in that one line. We are people who engineer complex solutions to simple problems, the resulting waste of effort, resources and time is hardly ever consequential, it is merely a necessary by product of the problem reaching it’s natural conclusion. While the situation may or may not have been rectified, what is most important is that it is seen that work has been put into it and that lot of effort was expanded in doing that work, even if at the end of the day, much of that work was an unnecessary waste. I was struck by just how much that statement; a standing joke from my college days, just about describes a typical Nigerian politician.
The statement (“a very large conflagration has overtaken your domicile”) is representative of us in many ways. The first of which is that it calls attention to the speaker rather than the fire. Making glorified statements and long winded speeches designed to impress is as Nigerian as ‘eba or ‘ewedu. The purported intelligence of the speaker, is almost always judged by their ability to mix in rarely referenced grammatical idioms and intellectual sounding Latin phases that the intended audience has little understanding of. The ability to apply “isms” (for example colloquialism) to the end of words has long been held as a sign of good education and advanced learning. I will cop to falling into this trap sometimes and using lengthy words were simpler once would have sufficed. The message, a relevant and urgent alarm is lost in the quiet nodding and embarrassed smiles of the listening audience as they quietly tell each other “there goes an educated man”. For example this was part of Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon's tribute to Chief Gani Fawehinmi upon his passing. “Chief Gani was simply inimitable, puritanically committed, inscrutably remonstrative, ideologically transcendental and quixotically cosmopolitan. His transition is not just the fall of an Iroko but indeed the grand initiation of an Iconic legal salamander!!! “Gani inured himself in the aqua of self abnegation and immolation just to give justice to the down trodden”. He went further to say that “the news brought him emotional laceration and threw him into a state of utter catalepsy.” I am not sure what all that means, but he really must miss Mr. Fawehinmi very much.
The second point is that it manages to magnify the importance of the situation without providing any real urge spurring the listener to action. This is a designed state of inertia, rather than an accidently one. A motivated populace demands action or will take action itself, but an impressed one, is stuck admiring the beauty of the spectacle. Politicians are adapt to make statements that in their totality sound convincing and strong but do nothing to galvanize the population towards any kind of problem solving. The aim here is to continue to milk the situation, while appearing to care but really just posturing for the fame, publicity and of course the money that comes with political office. The confused listener shrugs and continues about their business, to the neutral outsider observing from the side with a full understanding of the situation, this could be interpreted as a like of lack of civic pride or a complete disregard for the plight of another but really the case here is the passing of misinformation from the speaker to the listener. In a country with such a large illiteracy rate, people assume that the purpose of the speech was to impress, they accept it for what it is and move on. Invariably it is just another opportunity to advance the state of the country lost in a cloud of big words.
Which naturally would lead to the question, so was there really any intent to notify anyone of the fire? Like all things that we do, it is complicated. The fire while an unfortunate event was an opportunity, a chance to flaunt credentials, if at the end of the day the fire is somehow put out, all the better. We live in a society that values style over function, it is not an accident that is the “Babariga” is our official native office wear. Seriously with our weather how did a heavy blanket of a garment designed to look good rather than feel good, end up the dominant wear for official business? We as a nation play to the gallery all the time, understanding the sweeping nature of that statement, I will go on record with this summary. This writing is a is a generalization that paints with a broad brush, but nonetheless describes a commonality that defines our everyday values enough for it to be almost always true. I know, I know, I accept the position of kettle, in this black calling contest.
The statement (“a very large conflagration has overtaken your domicile”) is representative of us in many ways. The first of which is that it calls attention to the speaker rather than the fire. Making glorified statements and long winded speeches designed to impress is as Nigerian as ‘eba or ‘ewedu. The purported intelligence of the speaker, is almost always judged by their ability to mix in rarely referenced grammatical idioms and intellectual sounding Latin phases that the intended audience has little understanding of. The ability to apply “isms” (for example colloquialism) to the end of words has long been held as a sign of good education and advanced learning. I will cop to falling into this trap sometimes and using lengthy words were simpler once would have sufficed. The message, a relevant and urgent alarm is lost in the quiet nodding and embarrassed smiles of the listening audience as they quietly tell each other “there goes an educated man”. For example this was part of Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon's tribute to Chief Gani Fawehinmi upon his passing. “Chief Gani was simply inimitable, puritanically committed, inscrutably remonstrative, ideologically transcendental and quixotically cosmopolitan. His transition is not just the fall of an Iroko but indeed the grand initiation of an Iconic legal salamander!!! “Gani inured himself in the aqua of self abnegation and immolation just to give justice to the down trodden”. He went further to say that “the news brought him emotional laceration and threw him into a state of utter catalepsy.” I am not sure what all that means, but he really must miss Mr. Fawehinmi very much.
The second point is that it manages to magnify the importance of the situation without providing any real urge spurring the listener to action. This is a designed state of inertia, rather than an accidently one. A motivated populace demands action or will take action itself, but an impressed one, is stuck admiring the beauty of the spectacle. Politicians are adapt to make statements that in their totality sound convincing and strong but do nothing to galvanize the population towards any kind of problem solving. The aim here is to continue to milk the situation, while appearing to care but really just posturing for the fame, publicity and of course the money that comes with political office. The confused listener shrugs and continues about their business, to the neutral outsider observing from the side with a full understanding of the situation, this could be interpreted as a like of lack of civic pride or a complete disregard for the plight of another but really the case here is the passing of misinformation from the speaker to the listener. In a country with such a large illiteracy rate, people assume that the purpose of the speech was to impress, they accept it for what it is and move on. Invariably it is just another opportunity to advance the state of the country lost in a cloud of big words.
Which naturally would lead to the question, so was there really any intent to notify anyone of the fire? Like all things that we do, it is complicated. The fire while an unfortunate event was an opportunity, a chance to flaunt credentials, if at the end of the day the fire is somehow put out, all the better. We live in a society that values style over function, it is not an accident that is the “Babariga” is our official native office wear. Seriously with our weather how did a heavy blanket of a garment designed to look good rather than feel good, end up the dominant wear for official business? We as a nation play to the gallery all the time, understanding the sweeping nature of that statement, I will go on record with this summary. This writing is a is a generalization that paints with a broad brush, but nonetheless describes a commonality that defines our everyday values enough for it to be almost always true. I know, I know, I accept the position of kettle, in this black calling contest.
Haiti
What is one supposed to make of these pictures of broken bodies and wretched space? Sometimes carnage of this scale is hard to grasp. The immediacy of the suffering and pain is diluted by distance and the lens of a camera. I feel helpless, paralyze be the sheer scale of the devastation. The sad look in the face of the children juxtaposed besides the forlorn stare of the adults. All the pictures show bodies, bodies everywhere, under cars, buildings, all kinds of boulders, everybody is wearing a coat of white dust. Catastrophic events always serve to demonstrate the smallness of man in the universe of things; they serve to show the uselessness of our everyday pursuits in the face of true events of global proportions. The dead lie there, with their dreams intact, progress broken forever by the harsh faith of the unlucky, but in times like this you are best served by saving your tears and prayers for the living. They must continue to try and make sense of the hopelessness around them, they must continue the journey, they must pick up the completely shattered threads of their former lives and go on living. The hundreds of millions of dollars you are sending will hopefully buy clothes and provisions but it I will not bring back friends and families, these lives are forever scarred, changed forever in mere minutes. Say a prayer for the dead, but spare a coin for the living. Last week those bodies on the floor had plans and today…….
I know what you are thinking.
I have problem, I want to be liked. And I am not sure that is necessarily a standard for success. In my experience the most success people I know have a bit of a bastard in them. They don’t really care what you think and mostly appear to listen to you just to confirm their own opinions. The dilemma here is that if you go too far then people just hate you, if you are unfortunate enough to not have the personal charisma to overcome the douche in you, God help you. I have taken withering criticism from people for things that I did not do, not because I could not perform but because I failed to inform them at the start I did not want to be apart of the arrangement. You don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, you tell them what you believe they want to hear but in the end, you don’t win, do you? I find myself laughing at a joke i did not really understand and nodding in agreement to a mumbled or incoherent statement, if the reaction is in anyway inappropriate, the other party walks away thinking I am are either an idiot or worse, a Jerk. Now, you would say “grow a pair” or something equally as silly, but that is not the problem. I can be an asshole without the slightest bit of regret or worry about your feelings or even the predisposition to try and understand why you are upset. It is just that unlike a natural asshole, I do not find that it is my first instinct to tell you to "fuckoff"! even if that is how I am feeling at that particular time. I find that, the more successful the individual, the more they are (for lack of a better word) very pragmatic in their view of things, this pragmatism is built with a hard edge, built with a tilt towards only doing things as long as it does not require them to make too much of a departure from their regular way of life. I know, at a certain age things are supposed to be what they are and decisions are decisions irrespective of whose ox is gored, that does not mean that it comes more naturally if your first inclination is to try and not hurt anyone’s feelings. I feel like in the end I do end up hurting everyone’s feelings, especially mine. When I nod in agreement without hearing what you said or tell you I will attend you function knowing fully well I will not be there or tell you it is a good idea when I think you are crazy, what do I get out of it? Nothing really, if I want to be honest with myself. You won’t think I am a nice guy when I don’t show up or you finally figure out that scheduling a $1000.00 monthly car note on a $1500.00 monthly pay check is a bad idea. The problem is that I have a hard time being that guy, the guy with the impossible standards, I am not hard to please, at all. I don’t care if you are not the symbol of hard work and diligence, I can do my share and yours without thinking about it. But by doing that, did I help or hurt you? If I held you up to the same standard as I would hold myself, would you be better off? Or am I imposing my own values on you without prior consent? Today’s uncompromising realist could be tomorrow’s inflexible bastard. I guess depending on who you are talking to, you could be both at the same time, but still the problem persists, I want to be liked.
Comments By Choice
BBC Africa-- “The authorities in Nigeria say as many as 15,000 oil militants active in the Niger Delta surrendered under the two-month amnesty which expired on Sunday. The official in charge of the scheme said 5,000 weapons and 18 gunboats had also been handed in by the militants.”
– 5K weapons, 15K militants, hmm…something is smelly a little like fish here. What kind of self respecting militant does not have a weapon? So how were they terrorizing people, by jumping out of the bush naked?
BBC Africa-- “A container full of arms and ammunition has been seized by Nigerian customs officers in Lagos harbour. One person has been arrested and officials are searching for the owner of the arms” – Did the person that was arrested came attached to the container? And how does advertising the seizure help them catch the owner?
BBC Africa- – “Nigeria's top economic body, the National Economic Council, has approved a government decision to spend $2bn (£1.25bn) from its oil windfall fund. But there is criticism over how it plans to spend the money. Economic stimulus packages in other countries have targeted infrastructure projects, job creation, and tax cuts for small businesses. Nigeria's government says it will spend half the cash on clearing the debts of federal government contractors.” – Ladies and gentlemen, the more you look, the less you see, please observe carefully as we attempt to make this money disappear.
Businessdayonline – “Demand for foreign exchange is plummeting at the Wholesale Dutch Auction System (WDAS), sending alarm signals on further depression in the economy. When $100 million was offered at WDAS by the Central Bank of Nigerian (CBN) on Monday, October 5, 2009, only $15.32 million was sold, representing a short fall of 84.68 percent. Experts say the situation is a direct fall out of near complete freezing of credit by banks to corporate organisations and individuals in the last few months. Before the credit crunch hit the financial system, the amount of foreign exchange sold was usually higher than what the apex bank offered. For instance, on August 8 2009, the CBN offered $200 million, but ended up selling $357.75 million.” – Oh boy if na joke make una stop am o! wetin be sey I no fit borrow money from bank take buy money from the same bank? But seriously how is it possible to sell more money than you have?
The Times Of Nigeria- – “The Senate Thursday reacted to allegations that it was attempting to cover up the role played by some chieftains of the PDP in a =N=300 billion road contract by instructing the Senate Committee on Ethics, Code of Conduct and Public Petitions to investigate the allegations.” – This is how you know this is big time. When a committee is set up to investigate the fact, that the previous committee is trying to cover the actions of (probably) another committee. This looks like a closed case to me.
The Financial Standard- - "Average loss on the Nigerian stock market stood at about 30 per cent in the third quarter, equivalent to a loss of about N2 trillion by investors within the nine-month period. Against the background of full-year return of -45.77 per cent in 2008, the third quarter performance indicates that the value of an average investment made since 2008 has nearly been fully eroded by the recession.” – Omo, clear road for jaga jaga. When Iroko tree wan fall, e no dey ask floor wether e don ready.
The PM News- - "The global economic crisis is taking its toll on most Nigerian airlines with the revelation that passenger traffic on domestic and regional routes has dropped by about 40 percent, causing huge losses of revenue to the indebted airlines. P.M.News gathered that some Nigerian airlines are unable to pay the salaries of their staff including pilots and engineers who are key to the safety of the aircraft. The Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority (NCAA) last month set up a committee to investigate the allegations but has not come out with the findings. “We will make it public. Those who are paying and those not paying,” Dr. Harold Demuren, NCAA boss told journalists.But Demuren has been accused of applying double standards in dealing with erring airlines. For instance, he has been accused of looking the other way each time, Bellview, an airline on the brink of collapse, is concerned.Recently, about two hundred passengers of Bellview airlines travelling to London were stranded at the Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Ikeja, Lagos, for several days, Demuren did not intervene until some properties at MMIA were damaged by the angry passengers." – The power God will not let an unpaid pilot fly you anywhere in Jesus name, Amen, nor let an angry airline mechanic service your plane.
– 5K weapons, 15K militants, hmm…something is smelly a little like fish here. What kind of self respecting militant does not have a weapon? So how were they terrorizing people, by jumping out of the bush naked?
BBC Africa-- “A container full of arms and ammunition has been seized by Nigerian customs officers in Lagos harbour. One person has been arrested and officials are searching for the owner of the arms” – Did the person that was arrested came attached to the container? And how does advertising the seizure help them catch the owner?
BBC Africa- – “Nigeria's top economic body, the National Economic Council, has approved a government decision to spend $2bn (£1.25bn) from its oil windfall fund. But there is criticism over how it plans to spend the money. Economic stimulus packages in other countries have targeted infrastructure projects, job creation, and tax cuts for small businesses. Nigeria's government says it will spend half the cash on clearing the debts of federal government contractors.” – Ladies and gentlemen, the more you look, the less you see, please observe carefully as we attempt to make this money disappear.
Businessdayonline – “Demand for foreign exchange is plummeting at the Wholesale Dutch Auction System (WDAS), sending alarm signals on further depression in the economy. When $100 million was offered at WDAS by the Central Bank of Nigerian (CBN) on Monday, October 5, 2009, only $15.32 million was sold, representing a short fall of 84.68 percent. Experts say the situation is a direct fall out of near complete freezing of credit by banks to corporate organisations and individuals in the last few months. Before the credit crunch hit the financial system, the amount of foreign exchange sold was usually higher than what the apex bank offered. For instance, on August 8 2009, the CBN offered $200 million, but ended up selling $357.75 million.” – Oh boy if na joke make una stop am o! wetin be sey I no fit borrow money from bank take buy money from the same bank? But seriously how is it possible to sell more money than you have?
The Times Of Nigeria- – “The Senate Thursday reacted to allegations that it was attempting to cover up the role played by some chieftains of the PDP in a =N=300 billion road contract by instructing the Senate Committee on Ethics, Code of Conduct and Public Petitions to investigate the allegations.” – This is how you know this is big time. When a committee is set up to investigate the fact, that the previous committee is trying to cover the actions of (probably) another committee. This looks like a closed case to me.
The Financial Standard- - "Average loss on the Nigerian stock market stood at about 30 per cent in the third quarter, equivalent to a loss of about N2 trillion by investors within the nine-month period. Against the background of full-year return of -45.77 per cent in 2008, the third quarter performance indicates that the value of an average investment made since 2008 has nearly been fully eroded by the recession.” – Omo, clear road for jaga jaga. When Iroko tree wan fall, e no dey ask floor wether e don ready.
The PM News- - "The global economic crisis is taking its toll on most Nigerian airlines with the revelation that passenger traffic on domestic and regional routes has dropped by about 40 percent, causing huge losses of revenue to the indebted airlines. P.M.News gathered that some Nigerian airlines are unable to pay the salaries of their staff including pilots and engineers who are key to the safety of the aircraft. The Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority (NCAA) last month set up a committee to investigate the allegations but has not come out with the findings. “We will make it public. Those who are paying and those not paying,” Dr. Harold Demuren, NCAA boss told journalists.But Demuren has been accused of applying double standards in dealing with erring airlines. For instance, he has been accused of looking the other way each time, Bellview, an airline on the brink of collapse, is concerned.Recently, about two hundred passengers of Bellview airlines travelling to London were stranded at the Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Ikeja, Lagos, for several days, Demuren did not intervene until some properties at MMIA were damaged by the angry passengers." – The power God will not let an unpaid pilot fly you anywhere in Jesus name, Amen, nor let an angry airline mechanic service your plane.
The Living Dead
Your primary goal when you get up in the morning, is to make it through the day. There are various obstacles in the way, like your blanket and the softness of the pillow. Everybody starts the day with a full bottle of “get up and go”. For some people, theirs’ empty like an hourglass and they are ready to pack it in by lunch time. Other people are like finely tuned Hondas, efficiently sipping energy all day long. Normally, you game plan your day. Sometimes your plan is akin to a soccer formation, deploying a 4-4-2 which covers lots of activity in the morning and afternoon, or if your aim is to pack the midfield, you go 4-5-1. Other days, you use basketball for your game planning, deciding on whether it would be better to play the pick and roll with your chores or maybe run the triangle on offense and match up zone on your boss. Most people’s typical day normally moves with military precision, 5.00 AM the alarm goes off, 5.01 AM turn it off, 5.03 AM back to sleep, 8.39 AM jump out of the bed.
8.51 AM, you are experiencing your first incidence of road rage for the day. Now, road rage is like morning coffee, it wakes you up, as you curse and threaten everybody else on the road while driving like a lunatic, your blood is flowing and the adrenaline is pumping through your system, this is the high point of your day. You see flashing lights in your rearview mirror, yes that’s right, you are getting pulled over, again. All the anger disappears from you in flash, you are contrite and full of humility, the transformation from King Kong to house monkey is nothing short of miraculous. The officer walks up to your window;
Officer :– Do you know why I pulled you over?
You : – (in a very small voice) – No officer.
Officer : - You were driving erratically and cut that other driver off.
You : – Officer, I apologize, only this morning discovered I have cataracts and I did not see him. I plan to have surgery this afternoon, it will not happen again.
Of course the officer gives you a ticket, as you drive away observing every single traffic ordinance known to man, you feel sad and lonely. It is only 9.15 AM and already you owe the state $265.00 plus court costs, life sucks.
You enter the office at 9.35 AM and of course your boss does not want to hear it, the meeting started thirty five minutes ago and your sorry ass was not only late but unprepared. You em.., em.., your way through a ragged presentation, sit down to the quiet confusion of your coworkers in the room. Your shoulders slump, you are hoping you still have a job by lunch time. Two hours later you are ready for lunch, finally a break, something you can look forward to and enjoy, food.
The line at the lunch counter is seven deep, you push your way to the front, the harassed lady with the wild hair in front is yelling something into the microphone, your mind wonders as you contemplate the menu and after a while you notice she has been staring at you for a while;
Lady (testily) : May I take you order, PLEASE?
You: Can I have the No. 8 with no cheese, no lettuce, no mayo? And no onions.
Lady: SIR’ do you want a drink and fries with that?
You: Can I have a large fry and a medium diet coke?
Lady: That will be $9.00.
You: WHAT? $9….you start to protest but you snatch a quick look at the impatient line of hungry people behind you and quickly change you mind. As you reach for your wallet. you make the sickening discovery, you don’t have your wallet on you! You must have left in the car!
Lady (takes one look at you as you pat yourself down hastily, and hisses): NEXT!
You stumble back into the office, hungry and embarrassed. It’s only 1.00 O’clock and your tank is almost empty. But like a good hybrid you switch to your back up energy source and begin to down large cups of free office coffee. By 3.00 PM you are twitching like a crack addict experiencing withdrawal, now you are just basically clock watching. God, why is time moving so slowly today?
Finally 4.52 PM, you snatch your coat, turn off the system and head for the door. Just as you are leaving, your boss is coming in, he looks at his watch, and instinctively you look at yours as well, the time is 4.57 PM. His face tightens, but he says nothing, you fall into the elevator in a daze cursing your crummy luck.
You get to the garage, jump into your car, put the key in the ignition, turn it and nothing, not even a tickle. Confused you turn on the interior lights in the car, they give off a faded dim burnt bronze glow. You put your head down on the steering wheel, you know what the problem is, in your haste to get to work this morning, you had left your headlights on, now your batteries are completely drained. Time is 5.16 PM.
8.09 PM, you walk through your door and flop on the couch (it’s wasn’t easy getting a jump in a town where hardly anyone carries jumper cables around). But you are home now, last night’s leftover Pizza is quickly wolfed down. The first beer hits your stomach barely touching your throat. The second one quickly meets the same faith. Now an alcohol induced haze is beginning to come over you, you move to the bedroom from the couch, you have made it through today, you survived the day. As you drift off to sleep, you contemplate your life as a modern day work zombie, you mentally steel yourself for the next day’s coming battle.
Time is 10.42 PM.
8.51 AM, you are experiencing your first incidence of road rage for the day. Now, road rage is like morning coffee, it wakes you up, as you curse and threaten everybody else on the road while driving like a lunatic, your blood is flowing and the adrenaline is pumping through your system, this is the high point of your day. You see flashing lights in your rearview mirror, yes that’s right, you are getting pulled over, again. All the anger disappears from you in flash, you are contrite and full of humility, the transformation from King Kong to house monkey is nothing short of miraculous. The officer walks up to your window;
Officer :– Do you know why I pulled you over?
You : – (in a very small voice) – No officer.
Officer : - You were driving erratically and cut that other driver off.
You : – Officer, I apologize, only this morning discovered I have cataracts and I did not see him. I plan to have surgery this afternoon, it will not happen again.
Of course the officer gives you a ticket, as you drive away observing every single traffic ordinance known to man, you feel sad and lonely. It is only 9.15 AM and already you owe the state $265.00 plus court costs, life sucks.
You enter the office at 9.35 AM and of course your boss does not want to hear it, the meeting started thirty five minutes ago and your sorry ass was not only late but unprepared. You em.., em.., your way through a ragged presentation, sit down to the quiet confusion of your coworkers in the room. Your shoulders slump, you are hoping you still have a job by lunch time. Two hours later you are ready for lunch, finally a break, something you can look forward to and enjoy, food.
The line at the lunch counter is seven deep, you push your way to the front, the harassed lady with the wild hair in front is yelling something into the microphone, your mind wonders as you contemplate the menu and after a while you notice she has been staring at you for a while;
Lady (testily) : May I take you order, PLEASE?
You: Can I have the No. 8 with no cheese, no lettuce, no mayo? And no onions.
Lady: SIR’ do you want a drink and fries with that?
You: Can I have a large fry and a medium diet coke?
Lady: That will be $9.00.
You: WHAT? $9….you start to protest but you snatch a quick look at the impatient line of hungry people behind you and quickly change you mind. As you reach for your wallet. you make the sickening discovery, you don’t have your wallet on you! You must have left in the car!
Lady (takes one look at you as you pat yourself down hastily, and hisses): NEXT!
You stumble back into the office, hungry and embarrassed. It’s only 1.00 O’clock and your tank is almost empty. But like a good hybrid you switch to your back up energy source and begin to down large cups of free office coffee. By 3.00 PM you are twitching like a crack addict experiencing withdrawal, now you are just basically clock watching. God, why is time moving so slowly today?
Finally 4.52 PM, you snatch your coat, turn off the system and head for the door. Just as you are leaving, your boss is coming in, he looks at his watch, and instinctively you look at yours as well, the time is 4.57 PM. His face tightens, but he says nothing, you fall into the elevator in a daze cursing your crummy luck.
You get to the garage, jump into your car, put the key in the ignition, turn it and nothing, not even a tickle. Confused you turn on the interior lights in the car, they give off a faded dim burnt bronze glow. You put your head down on the steering wheel, you know what the problem is, in your haste to get to work this morning, you had left your headlights on, now your batteries are completely drained. Time is 5.16 PM.
8.09 PM, you walk through your door and flop on the couch (it’s wasn’t easy getting a jump in a town where hardly anyone carries jumper cables around). But you are home now, last night’s leftover Pizza is quickly wolfed down. The first beer hits your stomach barely touching your throat. The second one quickly meets the same faith. Now an alcohol induced haze is beginning to come over you, you move to the bedroom from the couch, you have made it through today, you survived the day. As you drift off to sleep, you contemplate your life as a modern day work zombie, you mentally steel yourself for the next day’s coming battle.
Time is 10.42 PM.
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