Me, My Past and My Future

If yesterday’s you met today’s you would he be disappointed? The course of life would apart to be incredibly winding, is it possible that out of fatigue from the sheer grind of daily living, today’s you was left behind by yesterday’s hopes and dreams. In the course of reaching for heaven, is it possible that you settled for a penthouse? You are still high up, but you look and realize that a piece of you was not actualized, like bad sex despite the fact that you appreciate the fact that it happened, you know and realize that it could have been so much better.
Tenacity is a trait that is remarkably in short supply, the need to follow the path of least resistance is as old as the universe itself, water flows over rocks seeking the softest corners, it curves its course by wearing them down, the same thing with human nature. Our course through life is often consumed by the present, hardly the hard past or the ambiguous future. The present represents a cumulative total of all that you have been up until now, all your mistakes, concessions, good fortune and hard work. The future is wide open you could still be whatever (yes, you can be president), the past should serve as a reservoir of dos and don’ts but in the end we use it for a dark cupboard where we hide our misdeeds, clandestine affairs, shameful experiences, failed projects, abandoned dreams and mismanaged opportunities.
People tend to haul the past around like an anchor bringing it like nuclear waste into their present, polluting everything. It sours your optimism, because your experience tells you it will not work, rather than you finding answers of what will work in the past, the past tells you to give up. The past colors your objectivity, making sure that you bring a bias into every situation regardless of its relevancy. It’s strange that we carry so much of our history around with us but often do not reach into that closet to pull out encouragement for the present but rather excuses from our past. The other funny thing is that the past, the present and the future are all the same, one second ago was your past, and one second from now is your future, the decision you made a minute ago to is immediately affecting your present and invariable will have an effect in the future that will emerge from this present.
So if you met the younger you, the one that ran to class with only one sock and tattered sandals, the one that dreamt of being a Nobel laureate tell him, yes you have compromised, yes you have deviated from the path but tell him that have seen the light and you will be back stronger and more determined than ever, that you will be a credit to him, because there is nothing that has happened that says you can’t be all that, Nelson Mandela become president at 79, you have a long way to go.

A Skunk By Any Other Name....

What can I say? There is a certain rhythmic poetry to the news that Bernard Madoff, the face of the very snobbish New York Investment banking ultra elite was involved in a pyramid scheme. Apparently this arrangement which is neither genius nor even elaborate was named after Charles Ponzi.(Fortune Magazine online said of Charles Ponzi “First, though, Ponzi needed seed money to buy coupons in bulk. He hung out a shingle as the Securities Exchange Co. (more than a decade before the creation of the federal Securities and Exchange Commission). Thousands of investors responded to his promise of 50% return in 90 days, soon doubled to 100% in 90 days -- well within his theoretical business model. Over the next seven months, Ponzi collected roughly $8 million (about $100 million today) and became one of the most talked-about men in the U.S. Imitators quickly followed, with one especially brazen group opening an office down the hall from his, prompting Ponzi to proclaim that he was the "real" financial wizard amid a sea of fakes.” If you want to read the whole thing you can find it here The real Ponzi behind the 'scheme' it is fascinating.) Either way, so these days when even the smart guys are getting taken, when banks are falling victim to fraudsters and conmen, you now have to ask yourself, who scares you more? The semi literate trying to pull a “Yahooze” from an internet café in Lagos or the Palm Beach Country Club snob, that was “Investing” the money of friends and family? Imagine this, Bernard Madoff runs into a friend, despite the fact that he knows the man is broke (after all, he just “invested” some of his money) he will seat with him and eat expensive steak dinner, drink $100.00 a shot Cognac, and tell him to can rest easy, that his money is safe. The fact that the SEC did not bother scrutinizing a fund seating on $50B (How much is Nigeria’s budget for 2009?) in capital, tells you something about how completely this guy was trusted in the investment community. The sheep list covers every spectrum; it includes major European banks, probably your 401K mutual fund, movie producers, pension boards, labor unions, it seems to go on and on.

My cousin said that he cannot access his bank accounts, E bay accounts or even make purchases in Amazon with a credit card, simply because he is in Nigeria and most web portals will not allow IP addresses originating from Nigeria to execute even legitimate financial transactions. This is how they counter internet fraud? By shutting down, everybody? Despite the fact that it is common knowledge that the level of organization, sophistication and global reach that the Russians and Chinese have brought to credit and electronic fraud will not be matched by Nigerians, even if every single one of us took to advance fee fraud, 24/7. I don’t hear of anyone blocking Chinese IP addresses, even while they are hacking Pentagon’s classified files.



If not for this financial meltdown, Bernard Madoff would have continue his merry little game of “Financial Musical Chairs” with the watchdogs (Auditors, SEC, however else dropped the oversight ball on this) acting as his guest DJs. Many wealthy people face financial ruin as we speak, but what lessons is anyone going to learn from all of this? Sadly I say nothing, “trust but verify” only applies to everybody else. The same principle that makes it ok for banks to only lend you money if you don’t need it, applies here, regulators will continue to only fact check the little guy, the small fries, they of the small schemes and minor hits, they will be stopped at the door. The smart ones will continue to rob the banks from the inside.


There are so many shady characters around these days. There are the guys on TV telling you “ I earned $9K a month doing nothing” all you have to do to be like me, is visit the website 82fastmoney.com, the TV station does not mind collecting the AD revenue, even if the message they are spreading is barely legal, nobody cares. These days every time I turn on the TV, somebody is offering a “reverse mortgage”; or in other words selling your property one monthly payment at a time. They claim it a way for seniors to tap the equity in their homes without ever moving out, I say it a way for banks to steal homes from the elderly while they are still alive. Websites Offer 3 month PH.Ds, nobody thinks it is bad idea, it’s all good fun until somebody gets hurt, then it’s just news.

2008 In Words and Phrases.

• This year the news has been dominated by two events, the election of Barack Obama and the collapse of the global economy. As such, majority of the words that became commonplace around the water cooler originated from them. Certain words and phrases have so ingrained themselves into our everyday vernacular that we accept them as fact even though we have no way of knowing if what they connote is the truth. One such phrase is “Liberal Elite Media”, made popular by Fox News and Sarah Palin, it was used to imply a bias by the mainstream press for a democratic or liberal agenda; the combination of the words liberal and elite being used to imply that the media was out of touch with the pathos of the ordinary citizen. While a clever play on words, it does leave you asking the question; “liberal elite media” as opposed to what? The “regular liberal media” or is there a “conservative elite media” out there somewhere? Either way here are some other words and phrases that we became overly familiar during the course of the year.

• Stimulus Package – This is a special package prepared by the wife whenever she needs to stimulate your spending and boost her economy. While the package contents maybe vary, they always include some combination of welcome home kisses, elaborately prepared (and served) dinners, special treats in the inner chamber and a quiet request made at the exact moment when you are thanking God for your good fortune.

• Change - Change we can use, especially when trying to buy pour water on Eko Bridge from a moving car. The change we need, we usually cannot find and we are forced to break a fifty just to buy yogurt. Change that is necessary, for parking meters in order to avoid getting a ticket.

• Web 2.0 – Unlike Web 1.0, which brought us useful stuff like Yahoo email, AOL instant messenger and CNN, Web 2.0 is entirely devoted to time wasting with useless tools like Facebook, YouTube and Twitter.

• Bailout – Used in reference to getting your good for nothing uncle out of jail. Could also be used to reference your technique for exiting your girlfriend’s house when her father returns unexpectedly back in the day.

• Financial Meltdown - Refers to the melting of your saving account and net worth like ice- cream, in fact if your cone gets soggy watch out, even your small remaining cream will vanish.

• Financial Tsunami – This is the avalanche caused by millions of ice-creams melting at the same time, like any other regular tsunami it will leave millions drenched in debt and devastation. We continue to mourn the passing of Bear Stearns and The Lehman Brothers, they will be missed.
  Fannie and Freddie – This refers to the gay couple living down the street. They are very unreliable; and will flake on you if you invest in them. They do not work but have very rich parents and therefore throw money around as if it is nothing. But because they are always sending everybody gifts, they are beloved despite their flaws.

• Credit Crunch – It is the crunch you feel when the shopkeeper tells you cheerfully “Your card has been decline”. A good credit crunch can be hard to digest, like undercooked steak it does not go down easily, especially if you have already committed to that big screen TV or maybe the In-laws are coming but your bank account is bone dry.

• Maverick – A maverick is that person who can‘t do anything right but is given a free ride because “that is just who they are”. A maverick is allowed to have multiple positions on every topic, some of them at the same time. They are normally for small Government until they are against it.

• Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps – Shady deals given to those who know the secret handshake or at least the secret knock. It is akin to someone else (no relation of yours whatsoever) taking out an insurance on your life. Tell me why they will not do you in and collect on the policy? Working Class – Along with the Sleeping Class and the Watching Class make up the population of the United States.

• Working Class Whites – Uniform worn by the most self righteous amongst the working class.

• RBS or Royal Bank Of Scotland – unlike the common bank of Scotland, this one is quite useless at banking, it is staffed by Oxford and Cambridge grads, while they know nothing about banking, they are excellent at foxhunting and horseback riding.

• Subprime – This is a new species of the human race. Since they were discovered, they have been instrumental in sending the world economy into a state of cardiac arrest. These lowly creatures have a terrible history of savings and an even worse history of paying bills. How anyone came to become a “subprime” anything is beyond me but from everything I have heard they are horrible people and they should never be allow to own anything.

• Foreclosure – This happens after the bank has sent you like two thousand notices and have still not received the check you said you mail back June. In fact it is happening so frequently that in some areas, banks are having foreclosure parties where everybody can come hangout, turnover their keys and trash the house, good times I tell you.

• Surge – A feeling you and your spouse enjoy in the privacy of your bedrooms. Obama was said to have surged to victory on election night, and from the smile on Michelle’s face, I think it might have been true.

• The Detroit Big 3 – Three old men from Michigan, last spotted begging for alms in DC.

• Global Warming – Which is not to be confused with Global Re-heating, global warming is much gentler, and you hardly know it is occurring. Like leaving an ice cube out in the open, eventually all you will have is a puddle of water, by then we should have all grown gills.
  
  Obamamania – A state of delirium suffered by Africans everywhere, it is characterized by irrational hope and belief in the abilities of an American president.

• Affluenza – A strain of Influenza that makes people chase affluence, to the death if necessary. It is an incurable condition, normally associated with the sacrifice of dignity, friends and scrupulous.

• Cloud Computing – A technique for handing over all your secrets and sensitive company data to unknown people somewhere. It has been known to cause severe headaches if you do not have internet connection at the moment of need.

• Lame Duck – Served with humility and plenty of regret. Yes, we can – But what if we can’t? Alternatively, we tried and we couldn’t? Or what about a safer, sure we may?

• Chinglish – The Chinese version of Spanglish, only not as cute.

• Joe The Plumber - A description for self-promotional day workers suffering from delusions of grandeur.
  
  Swing State – An alternative life style state where swingers are welcome, like California.

• Nomophobia – this is the fear you experience upon jumping into your car and half way to work remembering that you left your cell phone on the dresser. Despite the fact that nobody has call you on your cell at work in the past five years, you still turn the car around, because for some reason you just have to have your phone with you. This is also known as Craziness.

• Ninja Loans – Loans taken out by men with years of training in evading payment. These highly trained operatives have the ability to vanish into thin air with all the equity in a property, they have special skills used in drawing down on lines of credit, securing second and third mortgages on properties; and persuading appraisers to inflate the value of a property by 300%.
  
  

Fringonomics and the concept of free money

Yes you read that right, coming to a bank near you in the immediate future, free money. With the bank rate currently at 1% and the Feds threatening to cut the rate to zero, soon banks can in theory borrow from the Federal Reserve window at no cost whatsoever. These days the figure flying around is $7.5 trillion, (this by the way, is approximately equal to about 45% of the GDP) This is the amount that the Government would have committed to, in one form or another by the time all is said and done. This is where we are today, with the treasury and the feds tap dancing at a frantic pace trying to keep up with the deadly downward spiral of investor asset values and the fantastic deleveraging of the economy. Basically since no one has ever dealt with a problem of this magnitude before, we are now in the realm of a new discipline that I will refer to as “Fringonomics”. Fringe economic instruments of monetary and fiscal control are being implemented without any discernable attempt to measure it’s potential effect on the future capacity of the economy to return to normal once this crisis is averted. To date, despite the best efforts of the government and the reserve banks, we have been in a deflationary circle but common sense tells us that some point all those chickens (referring to the billions being indiscriminately pumped into the system) will come home to roost in the form of uncontrolled inflation. The current deflationary trend is already leading to job cuts and lay offs, so despite the “low low” prices available at Wal-Mart nobody is interested, not when you have so many other competing needs with a diminishing means of meeting these divergent obligations. The geniuses that got us into this mess by trading in highly speculative and in some cases imaginary assets, will in the end be the same ones using all that “free” money and just what do you think they will do when the economy starts to rebound? Yes, they will buy and buy everything; those same “low low” prices for assets and commodities, will cause a buying frenzy. They will flush all that cash into the system and drive up the price of everything from drinking water to online dating. Now you can’t fault Secretary Paulson, he is doing what he has to do to keep the wolf at bay but my question is, since these Harvard MBAs got it so wrong the first time, what gives them the right to have a second crack at it? Interestingly, due to blind acceptance forged from years of unconditional usage most people do not even give a thought to the fact that if your government is in the business of printing money, you as a citizen should be in the business of storing your wealth in something else other than money. If there is only one dollar in the entire US economy and I have it, the minute a second dollar is created I am only worth half as much as I was worth before, so regardless of the outcome of these current experiments, for the average Joe the end result is a net loss. Now don’t even get me started on Nigeria’s deficit budget spending for 2009…….