Another perfect day in heaven

Yep! It’s another perfect day in Heaven. This will make it the 1,649, 800, 000, 000, 000th day without a cloud in the sky, any snow on the ground, a tsunami or any of that nonsense that bothers the poor souls down there on earth. This being Heaven, we have always had the galaxies as our carpet, there is always light, there is no shortage of anything and everybody here is well behaved, even tempered and nice, what a wonderful place!

Oh it wasn’t always so nice, there was that time when Lucifer formed an army and tried to overthrow the government, and those were dark days indeed. Thank god for the bravery of angel Gabriel and the heavenly hosts (which is not to be confused with “ The Heavenly hostesses” massage parlor on the corner of Broadway and Houston, that place was opened by Eve after she returned from the garden of Eden). But that was then and this is now, and today, like every other day up here, everything is perfect. All the mansions up here are built from recyclable everlasting materials, because this is Heaven. We try to keep everyone happy, even those hippie tree huggers, they are also God’s children (even though I have my doubts about that, there is that little rumor about that time some angels went down to earth and fathered a race of giants, whose descendants later turned up in California but this is Heaven and we do not say such things).

Here in Heaven, you can think and project your thoughts into the stream of thoughts super database where everyone can read all thoughts, although the service tends to be spotty because it is being managed by Sprint. There has been a passionate debate lately on the merits of switching carriers to maybe T Mobile.

Yes we are in Heaven, population….., however many people have lived on earth less the ones that were really cruel to animals, less the Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, and Hari krismas, in fact less everyone but themselves if you go by the Christian heavenly population calculator or If you are from the Islamic paradise population computation school of thought then that number would be much larger. They use a more liberal permutation based on the acceptance that others besides their esteemed selves can be counted as legal occupants of heaven.

Here in Heaven everybody lives according to their beliefs when they were alive on earth. The Neanderthals never worshiped anything, did not care to have a defined social structure and were only accepted into heaven on a technicality (something about how they were also God’s creations and deserved their place at his side). Ever since they were accepted in, the Baboons, Gorillas and Chimpanzees have all put in formal requests to be granted exceptions based on the same rules that were used in the Neanderthalian hearings, these cases are still pending.

Anyway, the happiest people up here are the Muslims ( But bear in mind everybody up here is happy and that happiness is relative and that this does not mean that the Muslims are walking around giddy as if on ecstasy,….. on second thoughts, it does mean that the Muslims are enjoying a state of happiness whose only description can be called giddiness, OK they are giddy.), reason being they are only ones allowed any kind of carnal interests, in fact the lucky ones with the right papers and proper qualification can apply to be assigned seven consorts. The Christians put up a brave face about all of this, after all on earth, they had professed themselves to be pious hence above such trivial interests but secretly they wish things were a little different.

This morning at breakfast during the sharing of manna and honey (oh yes, manna and honey is shared for lunch and dinner as well), it was suggested that an excursion be organized to hell, to see how the other half was living these days. There was a loud murmur of approval; it has been awhile since anyone took a field trip.