Season's Greetings.

Christmas is almost here, by now the goats are crying almost daily. Most of them know they will not see the New Year. Children run around with that air of anticipation, they are still too young to understand that that anticlimactic feeling from the actual dawning of Christmas morning, will be a lifelong odyssey into the unrequited love that is expectation. Most of us will receive gifts, much of which we could have done without. We will get gifts from loved ones, even from hated ones. Nothing makes an Ibo man happier than to throw away a perfectly good bottle of wine, just because “Mr Kanu is my enemy and you know that wine is poisoned”, em…, whatever.

Clearly, the Christmas season is a time for much cheer and merriment, the kidnappers are on holiday, some will even release a body part or two, so that the families can have something to hold on to. The armed robbers normally take a break around this time too to share their recent successes with their families. There is joy in our hearts, laughter in the air (mostly from all the alcohol we consumed) and everything is tinted with a rose colored hue, because we are too hung over to take off the sunglasses in the morning. It is a time when we can all monetize and quantify our affection in absolute terms. If you get an IPhone while your brother gets an IPad, you know you must be a stepchild (a lavishly compensated stepchild but still..,).

Family reunions are staple of this season, all those people you were hoping would not be there, will be there. Your renegade uncle with his bratty kids, your lesbian sister, of course you will be there, with your insufferable western habits and fake American accent. What a glorious time, as a child many of you remember all the numerous orgasms you had under the bed trying to force down your seventeenth piece of stolen hard fried chicken. Your jaw was numb but your belly was in a festive mood, good times indeed.


So let us celebrate Christmas with all it brings, the good (that wedding proposal that had been slow in coming), the bad (your cousin that just started driving having an accident with the 605 you borrowed money from the bank to buy) and the ugly (look on the face of your relatives after you inform them the airline said they will be delivering your luggage with all the presents.., on January 7th.) Remember the best thing about the Christmas season is that it will soon be over and you can go back to slaving over your computer again. BestBuy was very happy to have made your acquaintance.

Happy Holidays Everybody.., And stay away from hot Burukutu if you happen to be creeping around Television Village, it is especially potent in the afternoon.

Please Vote.., Thank You.

Sometimes  “we the people” is confused with “we the people, who give a shit”. As Nigerians, because we do not believe in the process, we tend to take ourselves out of the election entirely. There is no time when your right as a citizen of this country will be greater. We must exercise our right to choose. You must have a say in the type of government that will represent you.


Your right to vote should be precious to you when you are backing an underdog candidate, just as when your guy is a sure winner. Democracy is the greatest gift mankind has given itself. It is the only system of government that tries to create (and equate) equality amongst men via a singular act of civic duty. It is extremely important we participate in the registration drive, we must go out, get registered to vote. We must encourage our neighbors, friends, family, anyone whom we can reach. We must let them know, they must go out and register to vote.

Your vote, is you saying, “ this is where I stand”.

It says, “on this, my voice will be heard”.

The bane of corruption in our country cannot be used as a reason for apathy anymore. Americans say, you have to be in it, to win it. You can’t be complaining about the lack of decent roads, steady power supply, corruption, mismanagement, and all the various evil melancholies that bedevil our country without being involved. Today’s story is that a batch of newly arrived voter registration data machines have been stolen at the airport, which would have been funny, if it was not so tragic. Who steals voter registration machines except someone trying to register voters, abi? But we can’t let ourselves be defeated even before the bell was rung for the fight to begin.

The last INEC election timetable gave only 14 days for voter registration (voter registration will take place between January 15 and January 29). Considering the level of illiteracy in our country, this timetable to me could not have been engineered to encourage maximum participation from the populace. This is an incredibly short time for a nation of 120 million (or more) people to gather itself. But regardless of all that, please encourage everybody you know to go out and get registered to vote.

Who you vote for is your business, the fact that you voted is all our businesses.