From: GeNS@gtbank.com
Subject: Customer Security Alert...
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:13:12 -0800
Dear Guaranty Trust Bank Customer,
Your access to Online Service has been suspended due to a mis-match of access code between your Security details. To enable you continue accessing your online account, it will only take you few minutes to re-activate your account. Click on the guide-link below and follow the directions to instant activation of your account and Security information
https://gtbplc.com/customer.ibc?WT.svl=ibcplogon
*Important*
NOTE: FAILURE CAN RESULT TO PERMANENT ACCOUNT SUSPENSION.
P. R. JOHN
Security Advisor
Guaranty Trust Bank © 2010.
Can you spot all that is wrong with this fraudulent notice?
I post this not to brandish some sort of superior skills in technical writing but to point out flaws that should alert you, if you ever get one of these messages asking you to follow a link somewhere to update your information.
1. "NOTE: FAILURE CAN RESULT TO PERMANENT ACCOUNT SUSPENSION" – This does not make any sense even in Afghanistan. Why would your failure to respond to an online notice result in permanent suspension of your account?
2. "Your access to Online Service has been suspended due to a mis-match of access code between your Security details." – A. The grammar is wrong, B. The supposed error is technically impossible.
3. "To enable you continue accessing your online account, it will only take you few minutes to re-activate your account."– The first part of the sentence has nothing to do with the second part. The writer started out thinking one thing and then jumped to something else, without completing the first thought. Plus, If there is a mismatch (note: not mis-match), then what are they comparing it against? The bad code or the wrong data?
4. Click on the guide-link below and follow the directions to instant activation of your account and Security information - I bet they meant to say "instantly reactivate" and would it not be reactivate since your account was "active" before?
Edu Nnadi
Life as it happens
Jan 29, 2010
Jan 15, 2010
Haiti
What is one supposed to make of these pictures of broken bodies and wretched space? Sometimes carnage of this scale is hard to grasp. The immediacy of the suffering and pain is diluted by distance and the lens of a camera. I feel helpless, paralyze be the sheer scale of the devastation, the sad look in the face of the children juxtaposed besides the forlorn stare of the adults. All the pictures show bodies, bodies everywhere, under cars, buildings, all kinds of boulders, everybody is wearing a coat of white dust. Catastrophic events always serve to demonstrate the smallness of man in the universe of things, they serve to show the uselessness of our everyday pursuits in the face of true events of unimaginable proportions. The dead lie there, with their dreams intact, progress broken forever by the harsh faith of the unlucky, but in times like this you are best served by saving your tears and prayers for the living. They must continue to try and make sense of the hopelessness around them, they must continue the journey, they must pick up the completely shattered threads of their former lives and go on living. The hundreds of millions of dollars you are sending will hopefully buy clothes and provisions but it I will not bring back friends and families, these lives are forever scarred, changed forever in mere minutes. Say a prayer for the dead, spare a coin for the living. Last week those bodies on the floor had plans and today…….,
Jan 10, 2010
Is There Anything We Will Not Do For Money?
Via Time Magazine: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1952335,00.html
For a South African victim of human trafficking, this was the endgame. On a freezing night last July, Sindiswa, 17, lay curled in a fetal position in bed No. 7 of a state-run hospice in central Bloemfontein. Well-used fly strips hung between fluorescent lights, pale blue paint flaked off the walls, and fresh blood stained her sheets, the rusty bedpost and the linoleum floor. Sindiswa had full-blown AIDS and tuberculosis, and she was three months pregnant. Sweat poured from her forehead as she whispered her story through parched lips covered with sores. A few blocks away, the roars of rugby fans erupted from Free State Stadium. In June the roars will be from fans of the World Cup.
For a South African victim of human trafficking, this was the endgame. On a freezing night last July, Sindiswa, 17, lay curled in a fetal position in bed No. 7 of a state-run hospice in central Bloemfontein. Well-used fly strips hung between fluorescent lights, pale blue paint flaked off the walls, and fresh blood stained her sheets, the rusty bedpost and the linoleum floor. Sindiswa had full-blown AIDS and tuberculosis, and she was three months pregnant. Sweat poured from her forehead as she whispered her story through parched lips covered with sores. A few blocks away, the roars of rugby fans erupted from Free State Stadium. In June the roars will be from fans of the World Cup.
Sindiswa's family was one of the poorest families in Indwe, the poorest district in Eastern Cape, one of the poorest provinces in South Africa. Ninety-five percent of the residents of her township fall below the poverty line, more than a quarter have HIV, and most survive by clinging to government grants. Orphaned at 16, she had to leave school to support herself. Last February, a woman from a neighboring town offered to find work for her and her 15-year-old best friend, Elizabeth, who, like Sindiswa, was poor but was also desperate to escape her violent older sister. (I have changed Elizabeth's name to protect her identity.)
After driving them eight hours north to Bloemfontein, the recruiter sold them to a Nigerian drug and human-trafficking syndicate in exchange for $120 and crack cocaine. "[The recruiter] said we could find a job," Sindiswa recalled, "but as soon as we got here, she told us, 'No. You have to go into the streets and sell yourselves.'" The buyer, Jude, forced them into prostitution on the streets of central Bloemfontein for 12 straight hours every night. Each morning, he collected their earnings — Sindiswa averaged $40 per night; Elizabeth, $65. Elizabeth tried to escape three times, once absconding for several weeks. Jude always found her or used Sindiswa as a hostage to lure her back, then enlisted an enforcer named Rasta to beat her.
It is unclear if Sindiswa contracted HIV before or after she was sold, but some of her clients didn't use condoms. She was diagnosed with the virus only a week before I met her. When she was too sick to stand and thus useless as a slave, Jude had thrown her onto the street. Nurses expected her to die within days.
Despite more than a dozen international conventions banning slavery in the past 150 years, there are more slaves today than at any point in human history. Slaves are those forced to perform services for no pay beyond subsistence and for the profit of others who hold them through fraud and violence. While most are held in debt bondage in the poorest regions of South Asia, some are trafficked in the midst of thriving development. Such is the case here in Africa's wealthiest country, the host of this year's World Cup. While South Africa invests billions to prepare its infrastructure for the half-million visitors expected to attend, tens of thousands of children have become ensnared in sexual slavery, and those who profit from their abuse are also preparing for the tournament. During a three-week investigation into human-trafficking syndicates operating near two stadiums, I found a lucrative trade in child sex. The children, sold for as little as $45, can earn more than $600 per night for their captors. "I'm really looking forward to doing more business during the World Cup," said a trafficker. We were speaking at his base overlooking Port Elizabeth's new Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium. Already, he had done brisk business among the stadium's construction workers.
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1952335,00.html#ixzz0cFkEnxPm
Jan 8, 2010
Spoken But Never Written
So you wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror, you are disgust with what you have become. What happened to that good looking person you used to be? “How did these tires get to the back of my head?” You ask no one in particular. “Oh my God, I have developed choppers!”, you think. Despite or to spite the ugliness in the mirror, you start your day with ten big balls of akra, a bowl of akamu with powdered milk and sugar. You are very unhappy with Mama Theresa, “dis woman wan carry food kill me”, “ wich kin mountain of food be dis?” But as you get up to leave the table nothing is left, your stomach is very happy but your mind is upset. As oga you leave the plate on the table, somebody will clear it, it gives you a small measure of satisfaction that it will piss off Mama Theresa when she comes around to clear the table and do the dishes. Serves her right, always serving you heavy food in the morning. By the way where is that boy? “LEVINUS!, SIR! He yells back, “Can’t you see that I running late, it is more of a statement than a question, he knows better than to respond to that. Oya, go warm the car and bring me my briefcase. You hear keys jiggling as he starts flying down the stairs, Levy loves to warm the car, you suspect that he even drives it from time to time, you make a mental note to set a trap for the rascal. Speaking of which, where in Ejebu is Mama Theresa? Chei, you have suffered in this house, I guess they now expect you to lie out your own clothes. Ehhh… wonders shall never end.
MAMA THESERA, MAMA THERESA! IF I CALL YOU AGAIN, THIS HOUSE WILL NOT CONTAIN THE TWO OF US O! you yell. “Gbaborun!, “why you dey shout”,” why you dey shout” she repeats,” abi you think sey na slave you buy put for house?”” I bin dey downstairs dey fetch water,” “Na wetin you want?” Immediately you can tell she is in a bad mood, if you want to go to work this morning, it might be a good idea to thread softly. In a much softer tone, you ask if she has laid out your Agbada for you already? She murmurs something under her breathe and spins around on her heels, heading for the bedroom. As you watch her walk away, your eyes are drawn to the violent side to side motion of her yansh, Almost without warning you feel blood surging through your kini, you are aroused. Feigning anger, you storm after her into the bedroom,you pretend to slam the door shut in anger. You reach out to her with you left hand while with your right, you start to loosen your wrapper “wetin dey worry you sef?” “everytime na so so harassment for this house”. “Oya, come siddon near me for this bed I wan talk to you”……………
MAMA THESERA, MAMA THERESA! IF I CALL YOU AGAIN, THIS HOUSE WILL NOT CONTAIN THE TWO OF US O! you yell. “Gbaborun!, “why you dey shout”,” why you dey shout” she repeats,” abi you think sey na slave you buy put for house?”” I bin dey downstairs dey fetch water,” “Na wetin you want?” Immediately you can tell she is in a bad mood, if you want to go to work this morning, it might be a good idea to thread softly. In a much softer tone, you ask if she has laid out your Agbada for you already? She murmurs something under her breathe and spins around on her heels, heading for the bedroom. As you watch her walk away, your eyes are drawn to the violent side to side motion of her yansh, Almost without warning you feel blood surging through your kini, you are aroused. Feigning anger, you storm after her into the bedroom,you pretend to slam the door shut in anger. You reach out to her with you left hand while with your right, you start to loosen your wrapper “wetin dey worry you sef?” “everytime na so so harassment for this house”. “Oya, come siddon near me for this bed I wan talk to you”……………
Dec 29, 2009
Feeling Blue, Seeing Red.
I always believed true intelligence was the ability to see both sides of a complex issue, the ability to understand the strengths of the other side’s arguments but still be able to justify your own position based on the irrefutable logic that formed the basis of your decision. Recent events have opened my eyes to certain undeniable truths about Republicans. I believe in the values of the Democratic Party with a passion that belies my lack of active involvement in the party but I am beginning to have an appreciation and maybe even some admiration for the tenacious ferocity of the republican opposition. Remember this was a party (the Republicans) that was in disarray just 12 months ago, after being handed their asses in an electoral beat down of near epic proportions. Republicans were reeling from the incredibly awful Bush presidency; also they oversaw eight years of wanton greed and unprecedented public spending. To cap things off, the democratic candidate was a once in a lifetime transformative figure whose message of change from the corruption and ineptitude of the previous administrations resonated everywhere. He was going to bring a new way of doing business to Washington
The first salvo and in many ways the spine of this opposition, was formed by one man, a controversial, somewhat racial conservative radio shock jock with a history of outspoken (depending on interpretation, and in my opinion) bigoted views. Rush Limbaugh was the first conservative to voice what they were all thinking when he said “ I hope he fails” back in January. It was hardly a unique sentiment and in the grand scheme of things was an inconsequential statement from a man with a history of making politically insensitive comments at the most inopportune times, but it had the unforeseen effect of giving voice and strength to a fledging opposition reeling from a series of bad defeats. Not long after that the Sean Hannity’s of the world stumbled onto the fact that within the smoldering ruins of the republican movement that was a strong and dogmatic core that was willing to go to far lengths to show their displeasure at the recent turn of events. Within months the conservatives had rallied around the tea parties, opposition to the bailouts, originally started under Bush if I must mention but I digress, the opposition rebranded itself from Republicans to Conservatives. Republicans you see were part of the problem. They were part of the causes of the previous mess and spent as recklessly as the conservatives are currently accusing the Democrats’ of spending. Conservatives on the other hand were all for fiscal responsibility, balanced budgets, lowering federal deficit spending and reducing the debt burden. Conveniently forgotten were the incredible liberties afforded large corporations and wealthy individuals during the reign of the recent past Republican congress. Somehow despite the fact that the play was still being acted on the same stage with the same cast of actors, we were supposed to focus on the fact that the scenery is different and act like we do not know the plot to this particular bit of chicanery.
Since then Republican opposition to every democratic imitative has only grown more dogged and entrenched. Obama was for Chicago winning the bid to host the 2016 Olympics, Republicans were for any city, anywhere but Chicago , proving their hate for Obama was stronger than their love for America
Dec 26, 2009
New Beginning
Edu Nnadi
Dec 4, 2009
Words and Phrases From 2009
1. Twit – A waste of 140 characters.
2. Stimulus Package – Used by married couples to entertain themselves after dinner.
3. Bail Out – You know the call. It’s me, Fred, I’m in jail……..
4. Socialized Medicine – Experienced by guests at “puff, puff, pass” parties.
5. Obamacare – Much better than Obama don’t care, I tell you that.
6. Unfriend – When you stop seeing your "friend's" status updates in Facebook, you have been....
7. Recession – Happens to most men’s hair line after 30.
8. Blue Dog – Security dog that prevents the owner from entering or leaving the house.
9. Health Insurance Reform – Much like the “Reformed Catholic Church” most of the difference between that and the old insurance law lies in the semantics.
10. Bing – Useful if you can’t spell Google.
11. Swine Flu – A good excuse for any occasion.
12. Deficit Spending – A good example would a any mortgage payment made on Nevada real estate.
13. Bonus – Shared by bankers in the dead of night at a candle light meeting.
14. Too Large To Fail – A non performing member while with a willing spouse.
15. Public Option – The only option after your vehicle has been repossessed.
16. Foreclosure – Much like foreplay, it is the beginning of more interesting things to come.
17. Tweeter – Not to be mistaken for a twitter, immediately informs you the idiot has no idea what they are talking about.
18. Cash For Clunkers – All monies spent on your ex.
19. Peace Prize – Bought on the way home from the bar.
20. Kim Jong il – Elder brother to Menta lly il (Hat tip to Letterman for that piece right there).
There, that’s all of it, did I miss any?
2. Stimulus Package – Used by married couples to entertain themselves after dinner.
3. Bail Out – You know the call. It’s me, Fred, I’m in jail……..
4. Socialized Medicine – Experienced by guests at “puff, puff, pass” parties.
5. Obamacare – Much better than Obama don’t care, I tell you that.
6. Unfriend – When you stop seeing your "friend's" status updates in Facebook, you have been....
7. Recession – Happens to most men’s hair line after 30.
8. Blue Dog – Security dog that prevents the owner from entering or leaving the house.
9. Health Insurance Reform – Much like the “Reformed Catholic Church” most of the difference between that and the old insurance law lies in the semantics.
10. Bing – Useful if you can’t spell Google.
11. Swine Flu – A good excuse for any occasion.
12. Deficit Spending – A good example would a any mortgage payment made on Nevada real estate.
13. Bonus – Shared by bankers in the dead of night at a candle light meeting.
14. Too Large To Fail – A non performing member while with a willing spouse.
15. Public Option – The only option after your vehicle has been repossessed.
16. Foreclosure – Much like foreplay, it is the beginning of more interesting things to come.
17. Tweeter – Not to be mistaken for a twitter, immediately informs you the idiot has no idea what they are talking about.
18. Cash For Clunkers – All monies spent on your ex.
19. Peace Prize – Bought on the way home from the bar.
20. Kim Jong il – Elder brother to Menta lly il (Hat tip to Letterman for that piece right there).
There, that’s all of it, did I miss any?
Nov 9, 2009
Things We Say
“A very large conflagration has overtaken your domicile”. This would be a Nigerian telling you that your house is on fire. The statement itself is technically correct but tactically useless, both in it’s execution and it’s purpose. There is something very Nigerian in a cultural sense in that statement. There are so many elements of our political psychic embedded in that one line. We are people who engineer complex solutions to simple problems, the resulting waste of effort, resources and time is hardly ever consequential, it is merely a necessary by product of the problem reaching it’s natural conclusion. While the situation may or may not have been rectified, what is most important is that it is seen that work has been put into it and that lot of effort was expanded in doing that work, even if at the end of the day, much of that work was an unnecessary waste. I was struck by just how much that statement; a standing joke from my college days, just about describes a typical Nigerian politician.
The statement (“a very large conflagration has overtaken your domicile”) is representative of us in many ways. The first of which is that it calls attention to the speaker rather than the fire. Making glorified statements and long winded speeches designed to impress is as Nigerian as ‘eba or ‘ewedu. The purported intelligence of the speaker, is almost always judged by their ability to mix in rarely referenced grammatical idioms and intellectual sounding Latin phases that the intended audience has little understanding of. The ability to apply “isms” (for example colloquialism) to the end of words has long been held as a sign of good education and advanced learning. I will cop to falling into this trap sometimes and using lengthy words were simpler once would have sufficed. The message, a relevant and urgent alarm is lost in the quiet nodding and embarrassed smiles of the listening audience as they quietly tell each other “there goes an educated man”. For example this was part of Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon's tribute to Chief Gani Fawehinmi upon his passing. “Chief Gani was simply inimitable, puritanically committed, inscrutably remonstrative, ideologically transcendental and quixotically cosmopolitan. His transition is not just the fall of an Iroko but indeed the grand initiation of an Iconic legal salamander!!! “Gani inured himself in the aqua of self abnegation and immolation just to give justice to the down trodden”. He went further to say that “the news brought him emotional laceration and threw him into a state of utter catalepsy.” I am not sure what all that means, but he really must miss Mr. Fawehinmi very much.
The second point is that it manages to magnify the importance of the situation without providing any real urge spurring the listener to action. This is a designed state of inertia, rather than an accidently one. A motivated populace demands action or will take action itself, but an impressed one, is stuck admiring the beauty of the spectacle. Politicians are adapt to make statements that in their totality sound convincing and strong but do nothing to galvanize the population towards any kind of problem solving. The aim here is to continue to milk the situation, while appearing to care but really just posturing for the fame, publicity and of course the money that comes with political office. The confused listener shrugs and continues about their business, to the neutral outsider observing from the side with a full understanding of the situation, this could be interpreted as a like of lack of civic pride or a complete disregard for the plight of another but really the case here is the passing of misinformation for the speaker to the listener. In a country with such a large illiteracy rate, people assume that the purpose of the speech was to impress, they accept it for what it is and move on. Invariably it is just another opportunity to advance the state of the country lost in a cloud of big words.
Which naturally would lead to the question, so was there really any intent to notify anyone of the fire? Like all things that we do, it is complicated. The fire while an unfortunate event was an opportunity, a chance to flaunt credentials, if at the end of the day the fire is somehow put out, all the better. We live in a society that values style over function, it is not an accident that is the “Babariga” is our official native office wear. Seriously with our weather how did a heavy blanket of a garment designed to look good rather than feel good, end up the dominant wear for official business? We as a nation play to the gallery all the time, understanding the sweeping nature of that statement, I will go on record with this summary. This writing is a is a generalization that paints with a broad brush, but nonetheless describes a commonality that defines our everyday values enough for it to be almost always true. I know, I know, I accept the position of kettle, in this black calling contest.
Edu Nnadi.
The statement (“a very large conflagration has overtaken your domicile”) is representative of us in many ways. The first of which is that it calls attention to the speaker rather than the fire. Making glorified statements and long winded speeches designed to impress is as Nigerian as ‘eba or ‘ewedu. The purported intelligence of the speaker, is almost always judged by their ability to mix in rarely referenced grammatical idioms and intellectual sounding Latin phases that the intended audience has little understanding of. The ability to apply “isms” (for example colloquialism) to the end of words has long been held as a sign of good education and advanced learning. I will cop to falling into this trap sometimes and using lengthy words were simpler once would have sufficed. The message, a relevant and urgent alarm is lost in the quiet nodding and embarrassed smiles of the listening audience as they quietly tell each other “there goes an educated man”. For example this was part of Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon's tribute to Chief Gani Fawehinmi upon his passing. “Chief Gani was simply inimitable, puritanically committed, inscrutably remonstrative, ideologically transcendental and quixotically cosmopolitan. His transition is not just the fall of an Iroko but indeed the grand initiation of an Iconic legal salamander!!! “Gani inured himself in the aqua of self abnegation and immolation just to give justice to the down trodden”. He went further to say that “the news brought him emotional laceration and threw him into a state of utter catalepsy.” I am not sure what all that means, but he really must miss Mr. Fawehinmi very much.
The second point is that it manages to magnify the importance of the situation without providing any real urge spurring the listener to action. This is a designed state of inertia, rather than an accidently one. A motivated populace demands action or will take action itself, but an impressed one, is stuck admiring the beauty of the spectacle. Politicians are adapt to make statements that in their totality sound convincing and strong but do nothing to galvanize the population towards any kind of problem solving. The aim here is to continue to milk the situation, while appearing to care but really just posturing for the fame, publicity and of course the money that comes with political office. The confused listener shrugs and continues about their business, to the neutral outsider observing from the side with a full understanding of the situation, this could be interpreted as a like of lack of civic pride or a complete disregard for the plight of another but really the case here is the passing of misinformation for the speaker to the listener. In a country with such a large illiteracy rate, people assume that the purpose of the speech was to impress, they accept it for what it is and move on. Invariably it is just another opportunity to advance the state of the country lost in a cloud of big words.
Which naturally would lead to the question, so was there really any intent to notify anyone of the fire? Like all things that we do, it is complicated. The fire while an unfortunate event was an opportunity, a chance to flaunt credentials, if at the end of the day the fire is somehow put out, all the better. We live in a society that values style over function, it is not an accident that is the “Babariga” is our official native office wear. Seriously with our weather how did a heavy blanket of a garment designed to look good rather than feel good, end up the dominant wear for official business? We as a nation play to the gallery all the time, understanding the sweeping nature of that statement, I will go on record with this summary. This writing is a is a generalization that paints with a broad brush, but nonetheless describes a commonality that defines our everyday values enough for it to be almost always true. I know, I know, I accept the position of kettle, in this black calling contest.
Edu Nnadi.
Nov 5, 2009
We All Bled Red.
Race, one word, with a deeper meaning than the Mariana Trench. It is impossible to have an honest discussion about race. Nobody ever says what they truly feel, clichés flow forth like cheap wine whenever anything racial is the topic.
Thefreedictionary.com has these two definitions for race;
1. A local geographic or global human population distinguished as a more or less distinct group by genetically transmitted physical characteristics.
2. A group of people united or classified together on the basis of common history, nationality, or geographic distribution: the German race.
The German race, funny that they would use that example. If the definitions above are accurate then race is either a commonality based on physical appearance or a cultural phenomena, the resultant effect of the geographical distribution of the human population. I think most people will agree, that it is some combination of these two definitions that produces the toxic mix which eventually leads to hate crimes.
These days the in thing is to differentiate between a racial incident and a racist act, as if the clever play on semantics would somehow lessen the gravity of the discrimination, this would be somewhat along the lines of degrees of pregnancy. You can’t be a little bit pregnant. The problem with bigotry is that it comes in so many shades and hues. The more sophisticated the community, the harder it is to spot. It is at it’s crudes form when combined with poverty, illiteracy and a sense of social inferiority. I have had some friends make the most insensitive statements about a person of a different race, not because do not mind being labeled racist, it takes a certain level of disregard for civil society to openly admit to be being a bigot. They make these statements out of ignorance, and in the mistaken belief that this is just a conversation amongst “us”, nobody was hurt by it.
There lies the problem, ignorance or not, they are being more honest than they would have ever been had the person they were referring to been with us at the time. If a “White” or “Latino” joke is funny when you are with your “Black” friends, it should be funny when your “White” friends come around as well. If African Americans or black people as a whole tend to play the race card more than others, it is not because we ourselves have somehow transcended race. A thousand years of real and perceived oppression, coupled with generational marginalization has led us to build a racial safety net as a catch all for every insult and injury (real or imagined), that we have suffered at the hand of another race. “He would not treat me this way, if I was white” is almost a manta amongst colored folk. The person could just be a “jerk” to all people, of all races.
Going back to the definition of race for a minute; it is true that the human mind will always look for a way to differentiate itself. We find newer and more ingenuous ways to reclassify ourselves everyday. Hence the reason why in some places tribal differences inspire a hatred that burns with a fire that few racists can match. As long as we continue to see “white people”, “black people”, “Africans”, “Asians”, “Southerners”, “Northerners”, “Ibos’” and “Yorubas’” instead of fathers , mothers, uncles and aunts, the world will continue to be a complicated place to live in.
Thefreedictionary.com has these two definitions for race;
1. A local geographic or global human population distinguished as a more or less distinct group by genetically transmitted physical characteristics.
2. A group of people united or classified together on the basis of common history, nationality, or geographic distribution: the German race.
The German race, funny that they would use that example. If the definitions above are accurate then race is either a commonality based on physical appearance or a cultural phenomena, the resultant effect of the geographical distribution of the human population. I think most people will agree, that it is some combination of these two definitions that produces the toxic mix which eventually leads to hate crimes.
These days the in thing is to differentiate between a racial incident and a racist act, as if the clever play on semantics would somehow lessen the gravity of the discrimination, this would be somewhat along the lines of degrees of pregnancy. You can’t be a little bit pregnant. The problem with bigotry is that it comes in so many shades and hues. The more sophisticated the community, the harder it is to spot. It is at it’s crudes form when combined with poverty, illiteracy and a sense of social inferiority. I have had some friends make the most insensitive statements about a person of a different race, not because do not mind being labeled racist, it takes a certain level of disregard for civil society to openly admit to be being a bigot. They make these statements out of ignorance, and in the mistaken belief that this is just a conversation amongst “us”, nobody was hurt by it.
There lies the problem, ignorance or not, they are being more honest than they would have ever been had the person they were referring to been with us at the time. If a “White” or “Latino” joke is funny when you are with your “Black” friends, it should be funny when your “White” friends come around as well. If African Americans or black people as a whole tend to play the race card more than others, it is not because we ourselves have somehow transcended race. A thousand years of real and perceived oppression, coupled with generational marginalization has led us to build a racial safety net as a catch all for every insult and injury (real or imagined), that we have suffered at the hand of another race. “He would not treat me this way, if I was white” is almost a manta amongst colored folk. The person could just be a “jerk” to all people, of all races.
Going back to the definition of race for a minute; it is true that the human mind will always look for a way to differentiate itself. We find newer and more ingenuous ways to reclassify ourselves everyday. Hence the reason why in some places tribal differences inspire a hatred that burns with a fire that few racists can match. As long as we continue to see “white people”, “black people”, “Africans”, “Asians”, “Southerners”, “Northerners”, “Ibos’” and “Yorubas’” instead of fathers , mothers, uncles and aunts, the world will continue to be a complicated place to live in.
The Child.
There is a loneliness to being an adult that childhood does not prepare anyone for. The sobering cold reality of adulthood comes usually in the quiet of the night, when the music has stopped playing, the friends are gone, the TV is off and the mind is on. That is when you realize that all you truly own in this world is beating in your chest and the only true achievement in life is the impact you have in the life of the people that stay on after you are gone.
The dream of independence that fuelled most childhood rebellions juxtapose badly when compared with the personal and total isolation that is grown-up decision making. If you had to do it again, I bet you would have nestled more and fought less. I remember chaffing at the power that older folk seems to have over me, not one day dreaming that I would myself become one of them, the lessons they tried to teach me washed off me like water down a duck’s back, it irritated rather than inspired and as a consequence, I conducted my affairs in a childhood cocoon, blissful to the cold realities of life without the support pillars built in. The truth is I acted a fool, if I did not get one hundred percent attention I assumed it was because they did not care. My mistakes were often erased behind my back so I never had to go back and redo them. My struggles came pre-chewed, softened, so I did not realize the true depth of effort that it took to achieve some of the things I took for granted.
As you look at your children do you see yourself in their innocence or the unshakeable obligation and responsibility that they represent? In their childish resentment for your authority I know they are not thinking about your sacrifices. In retrospect I acknowledge that there is nothing more self centered than the human child but nothing in this world will bring you greater joy than their success and happiness. I just wish I had known all this as a child, i would not have given so much grief, to so many, for so long.
Edu Nnadi
The dream of independence that fuelled most childhood rebellions juxtapose badly when compared with the personal and total isolation that is grown-up decision making. If you had to do it again, I bet you would have nestled more and fought less. I remember chaffing at the power that older folk seems to have over me, not one day dreaming that I would myself become one of them, the lessons they tried to teach me washed off me like water down a duck’s back, it irritated rather than inspired and as a consequence, I conducted my affairs in a childhood cocoon, blissful to the cold realities of life without the support pillars built in. The truth is I acted a fool, if I did not get one hundred percent attention I assumed it was because they did not care. My mistakes were often erased behind my back so I never had to go back and redo them. My struggles came pre-chewed, softened, so I did not realize the true depth of effort that it took to achieve some of the things I took for granted.
As you look at your children do you see yourself in their innocence or the unshakeable obligation and responsibility that they represent? In their childish resentment for your authority I know they are not thinking about your sacrifices. In retrospect I acknowledge that there is nothing more self centered than the human child but nothing in this world will bring you greater joy than their success and happiness. I just wish I had known all this as a child, i would not have given so much grief, to so many, for so long.
Edu Nnadi
Deep Pools Of Black
I am going to tell you a story, a sad story.
A story of unimaginable misery and a very forlorn story.
This story will leave you in tears.
Iit will leave you angry.
It will leave you with despair in your heart and a gaping hole in your soul.
This is a story about confused youth and gang cultures.
The story of missing dadas' and preoccupied mammies.
It is a story driven by poverty and social marginalization.
A story about the institutionally disenfranchised.
A story about the boy who walked on the wrong side of street.
This is a story about anywhere USA.
A place where the child is raised by the streets.
A place where only one rule matters.
The rule that helps you survive the silence of the city night.
A place where your cry for help will be met by blank stares.
A place where deep and hollow eyes look straight through you.
A place scarred by the viciousness of lives counted in minutes.
Your heart will be broken, again and again.
You will hear of promises being thrown away.
Tales of futures damaged beyond repair.
Tales of men dealing with the repercussions of decisions made as a child.
You will resign yourself to the hopelessness of the times.
You will tell yourself it is the sad savage underbelly of “living in the City”.
The “City” a jungle of a place where boys grow up fast and girls even faster.
A place driven by the one true creed, “I gats to get wats mines”.
I was going to tell you this story.
But you have already heard it, so many times before.
Now the whole thing just washes over you.
Even though you are soaked in it.
You barely stop to reflect on the brutally and stupidity of it all anymore.
This is the sad story of black on black violence.
Edu Nnadi
A story of unimaginable misery and a very forlorn story.
This story will leave you in tears.
Iit will leave you angry.
It will leave you with despair in your heart and a gaping hole in your soul.
This is a story about confused youth and gang cultures.
The story of missing dadas' and preoccupied mammies.
It is a story driven by poverty and social marginalization.
A story about the institutionally disenfranchised.
A story about the boy who walked on the wrong side of street.
This is a story about anywhere USA.
A place where the child is raised by the streets.
A place where only one rule matters.
The rule that helps you survive the silence of the city night.
A place where your cry for help will be met by blank stares.
A place where deep and hollow eyes look straight through you.
A place scarred by the viciousness of lives counted in minutes.
Your heart will be broken, again and again.
You will hear of promises being thrown away.
Tales of futures damaged beyond repair.
Tales of men dealing with the repercussions of decisions made as a child.
You will resign yourself to the hopelessness of the times.
You will tell yourself it is the sad savage underbelly of “living in the City”.
The “City” a jungle of a place where boys grow up fast and girls even faster.
A place driven by the one true creed, “I gats to get wats mines”.
I was going to tell you this story.
But you have already heard it, so many times before.
Now the whole thing just washes over you.
Even though you are soaked in it.
You barely stop to reflect on the brutally and stupidity of it all anymore.
This is the sad story of black on black violence.
Edu Nnadi
Aug 26, 2009
One Suitcase, Three Days, Four Airports.
I hate airports, sorry, I need to clarify that, I hate the needless expense that is spending time at airports. I recently had to do a four cities in three days trip. As you can imagine an unnecessarily large part of those three days was spent at one airport or the other. Interestingly there is a certain symmetry to most airports, the ones in the small cities are quiet almost serene, regardless of the amount of air traffic, while the airports in the bigger cities are rather rowdy and the passengers a little more obnoxious. As to my trip itself, it was relatively unremarkable but at some point I started to pay close attention to my surroundings, that is when things got rather interesting.
Airports – Local airports are like train stations, unremarkable, the seats are kind of the same, the restrooms dangerous, and the food expensive. But I did notice in Atlanta the sheer size of the place and the volume of people coming through was enormous. Milwaukee was almost eerily quiet, and yet the search guys there were the most enthusiastic, like people that would very much love to give you a thorough cavities search. Memphis has this fantastic smell of barbecued meat in the air (might have been that the gate I used was located right next to the restaurant) and has this beautiful rotunda with a blue glass ceiling.
The search at the airport – One word, embarrassing. If like me, your last name is almost Arabic sounding, you are getting the business. Make sure your undershirt is clean because that jacket is coming off, the stripping does get tiresome after a while and keeping your sense of humor is hard. Get angry and you might be asked to “please, step aside” and you do not want that to happen. They put everything I had through the X-ray machine, they almost put me in the machine. They searched my computer case, tested the computer. Please do not carry any cosmetics in your over night bag if you intend to leave the airport the same day, someone took a shower with my shower gel, even used my body lotion to make sure it was not a bomb. These guys were ruthlessly efficient but all the same, it was very time consuming. Forgo, hand luggage and getting in and out of the local airport is not so bad.
Flying – Is it my mind or do the smaller planes fly with less turbulence? On the flight to Memphis, I was stuck in the middle of two large guys. Miserable will not begin to describe the next three hours, the flight was packed, so there were no empty seats. The guy to my right had a belly like a drum, his gut spilled over the divide, shoving my elbow off the armrest. While the guy to my left snored like a man playing the trombone with plenty of power but no skill. If you are in a hurry, carrying all you luggage as a carry on, you will appreciate the time saved not waiting for your turn at the baggage claim. The only problem is finding space for your luggage in the overhead bin is a hassle especially if you are one the last to get on the plane. If it is too big and does not fit in the bin, you are going to have to find space for it, most likely under your leg between two large guys.
Things I noticed – That people that work at the airport all seem somewhat proud of the fact, the guy serving cheesy pretzels has an attitude, no biggie but worth noting. There is a certain amount of grim determination amongst the passengers, almost like the travel is a chore they have to conclude. Unlike international departure lounges where some passengers seem to be walking on air, the lack of joy around the local section of the airport is palpable. I have a problem with the practice of shining shoes while the owner of the shoes is still wearing them. I find it servile and somewhat degrading, there is nothing wrong with getting your shoes shined but why can’t you take it off first? Why must someone knee at your feet for a $5 service? 
Nedu Nnadi
Airports – Local airports are like train stations, unremarkable, the seats are kind of the same, the restrooms dangerous, and the food expensive. But I did notice in Atlanta the sheer size of the place and the volume of people coming through was enormous. Milwaukee was almost eerily quiet, and yet the search guys there were the most enthusiastic, like people that would very much love to give you a thorough cavities search. Memphis has this fantastic smell of barbecued meat in the air (might have been that the gate I used was located right next to the restaurant) and has this beautiful rotunda with a blue glass ceiling. The search at the airport – One word, embarrassing. If like me, your last name is almost Arabic sounding, you are getting the business. Make sure your undershirt is clean because that jacket is coming off, the stripping does get tiresome after a while and keeping your sense of humor is hard. Get angry and you might be asked to “please, step aside” and you do not want that to happen. They put everything I had through the X-ray machine, they almost put me in the machine. They searched my computer case, tested the computer. Please do not carry any cosmetics in your over night bag if you intend to leave the airport the same day, someone took a shower with my shower gel, even used my body lotion to make sure it was not a bomb. These guys were ruthlessly efficient but all the same, it was very time consuming. Forgo, hand luggage and getting in and out of the local airport is not so bad.Flying – Is it my mind or do the smaller planes fly with less turbulence? On the flight to Memphis, I was stuck in the middle of two large guys. Miserable will not begin to describe the next three hours, the flight was packed, so there were no empty seats. The guy to my right had a belly like a drum, his gut spilled over the divide, shoving my elbow off the armrest. While the guy to my left snored like a man playing the trombone with plenty of power but no skill. If you are in a hurry, carrying all you luggage as a carry on, you will appreciate the time saved not waiting for your turn at the baggage claim. The only problem is finding space for your luggage in the overhead bin is a hassle especially if you are one the last to get on the plane. If it is too big and does not fit in the bin, you are going to have to find space for it, most likely under your leg between two large guys.Things I noticed – That people that work at the airport all seem somewhat proud of the fact, the guy serving cheesy pretzels has an attitude, no biggie but worth noting. There is a certain amount of grim determination amongst the passengers, almost like the travel is a chore they have to conclude. Unlike international departure lounges where some passengers seem to be walking on air, the lack of joy around the local section of the airport is palpable. I have a problem with the practice of shining shoes while the owner of the shoes is still wearing them. I find it servile and somewhat degrading, there is nothing wrong with getting your shoes shined but why can’t you take it off first? Why must someone knee at your feet for a $5 service? Nedu Nnadi
Aug 10, 2009
Tired Of The Excuses
Sometimes, I go back to read stuff I had written before, old blog posts, articles, responses to other peoples blogs, that type of thing. The idea being to get a sense of my state of mind at the time and to see if I my perception of whatever it was I was trying to say at the time has changed. Sometimes, I find that my view has moved on from my previous positions and that what once were strongly held beliefs, are now loosely embraced ideas. The general premise of the original post may still hold true but the underlying emotion I would find to have sometimes suffered significant drift. But by far the worse thing about my old stuff, were the God damned TYPOS! They were everywhere, embarrassing, cringe inducing, headshaking, “I wonder where this guy got his education” type, typos. The origin of the problem is of course, known to me; I am a “Hunter Pecker”, be it a fast hunter pecker but a pecker all the same. I stare down the keyboard when I type, I hunt down each individual letter and sometimes can jam out a whole paragraph while barely getting a look at the monitor. The worst part is that I do not have any particular type of mistake that I commit consistently, I generally seem to hit all the high notes (all the “don’ts”) in any given piece of writing. On any given post, I would do my best to appear as poorly equipt (I guess the word here should really should be Mis-educated :-) ) as possible. I commit errors of omission, leaving out entire words in a torrid stream of rushing sentences that barely connect and only serve to tell the reader that I need either better glasses or need to start writing strictly in Igbo. I commit errors of addition, I use the wrong tenses, incorrect verbs and adjectives litter just about every piece I have ever written. In my head I am thinking the word “there” on the screen I am typing “their” and the whole thing is compounded by Microsoft Words automated error correcting software. So while I plow on ahead trying to get to the end of my rapidly evaporating thoughts, the software is busy correcting my errors into even more grammatically inconsistent gibberish that ends up leaving the reader bewildered, thinking this guy really must stop drinking and writing.
So you would ask, after spotting these dramatically wild half sentences or phrases that seem to have been put together by Kokolet; sentences like “ .. starts to knock on the window, asking you to winding down the window” or even “ …which funnily enough was staged by a group of a delusional nationalist group of southern soldiers…” why don’t i make the necessary corrections and move on? Because it would be dishonest and the truth is that no matter what I change, I can’t make anyone that read the initial post, unread it. So after much thought I have decided to invest in a Spanish to English dictionary to brush up on my vocabulary, I will be re-enrolling in the free English for Indigenous Tribes classes at the local community college and lastly I am purchasing a typing for beginners and other slow learners software program that will teach me to type the proper way. Hopefully in a few months I will be able to complete a few lines without completely rendering the reader brain dead. In the meantime I apologize for any previous or current occurrence of random shelling you might have endured from my misguided attempt at blogging. Now that I have gotten that off my chest, i can now go back to misunder representing educated Nigerians on the internet, God help us all.
So you would ask, after spotting these dramatically wild half sentences or phrases that seem to have been put together by Kokolet; sentences like “ .. starts to knock on the window, asking you to winding down the window” or even “ …which funnily enough was staged by a group of a delusional nationalist group of southern soldiers…” why don’t i make the necessary corrections and move on? Because it would be dishonest and the truth is that no matter what I change, I can’t make anyone that read the initial post, unread it. So after much thought I have decided to invest in a Spanish to English dictionary to brush up on my vocabulary, I will be re-enrolling in the free English for Indigenous Tribes classes at the local community college and lastly I am purchasing a typing for beginners and other slow learners software program that will teach me to type the proper way. Hopefully in a few months I will be able to complete a few lines without completely rendering the reader brain dead. In the meantime I apologize for any previous or current occurrence of random shelling you might have endured from my misguided attempt at blogging. Now that I have gotten that off my chest, i can now go back to misunder representing educated Nigerians on the internet, God help us all.
Jul 28, 2009
It's Hard Being A Standup Comic- Sometimes They Don't Laugh - Seinfeldian Questions Without Good Answers
If someone is holding the door open for you, are you obligated to hurry up? Are they not really putting unnecessary pressure on you, trying to force you to live up to their own lofty standards? Why can't you just continue the leisurely stroll you were having before?
If you are alone in your car and happen to have your finger up your nose at the exact time another car pulls up level so that you can see the disgust look on the face of the other driver, should you apologize? Would it not be more satisfying to pull out you finger and pretend to lick it, just as you drive away?
If you are bald and were trying out a wig when a woman happens to become attracted to your lush head of hair. If you make arrangements to go on a date with her, At what point will you tell her, the hair is not yours? Why do you have to tell her anything? Why not find a good piece of glue and stick that thing unto your scalp until one of your other insecurities kills the relationship naturally.
If you buy a couple a expensive wedding present, then they cancel the wedding. Should you tracked down the party in possession of your gift and ask for the gift to be returned? if you are still owing the credit card company for the charge using in purchasing the “three speed vacuum blender with automatic washer and dryer settings” can you insist they stay married?
If you say “I love you” to your date and they do not acknowledge or indicate that they heard you the first time, should you throw out a second possibly louder “I Love You”? They genuinely could have not heard you or It could be double the humiliation as the second “I love you” just sits there between the two of you, growing in a bigger pile of sh*t by the second.
If you visit the restroom in someone’s house and find one of those pile of magazines that is always stacked in there, if you finish you business but find yourself still engrossed in the “history of the reticulated Python” can you bring the magazine back out into the living area from it's former resting place? Or can you stay in the loo indefinately until you finish your reading?
A young couple you know just had a baby, and on your visit to see the new addition to the family, the wife is like “come and carry baby Mandillas, for a bit”, apart from being very ugly, baby Mandillas has a crooked neck that makes his head lie at an odd angle and the whole thing scares the crap out of you. Can you refuse to carry the baby?
If you visit the restroom in your new date’s house and totally destroy the joint, then just as you are about to flush, you reach for toilet paper and come up empty. Do you call out for a new roll? Switch to water or dress up and run out the place claiming an emergency via a call you just received on the cell phone?
You happen been swimming and suffered significant shrinkage from the cold water, if while you are drying off, a lady you were interested in, stumbles upon you and her eyes are drawn to your severely handicapped member. Should you immediately start to explain to her unasked how you had gone skinny dipping in freezing water? Or would it be better to just move on and hope she does not tell anybody or at least nobody you might run into again?
You are alone in your car with the A/C on and you let go a big fat stinky one, just at that moment a friend that you have not seen in a long long time recognizes you and starts to knock on the window, asking you to winding down. Do you wind down and let them take a good whack in the face or pretend not to recognize them while gently putting your car in drive?
Jul 27, 2009
Thought currently renting space in my head….
I often find myself wondering about the nature of the true relationship between Alhaji Sir Ahmadu Bello and Sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa. Though both men shared much in common including fact that they both attended Katsina Teacher's Training College, were both killed on the same day, for the same reason, by the same group, they could not be more different. Politically they appeared to the every much aligned, both were “pro northern” in everything but yet entered into an alliance with the Pan African Nnamdi Azikiwe and not the more tribal centric Obafemi Awolowo. At the very least, there should have been some resentment from the “commoner” Balewa, that despite the fact that he was the prime minister he still had to answer to the blue blooded regional head, who appeared to be more interested in becoming the Emir of Sokoto than in becoming the head of the young nation.
By the time of the ‘66 coup, which funnily enough was staged by a group of a delusional nationalist group of southern soldiers, the relationship between the NCNC and NPC was virtually non-existent. One would presume that the more intellectually minded Balewa would see the writing on the wall, have known that his continued position of influence depended on the continuation of the partnership with one of the other two major parties since the regional position of authority was not up for debate. I think of the dichotomy that such a complex power sharing model such as theirs would have presented. The friction that their relationship would have created is endlessly fascinating to me, two men of near equal education with similar backgrounds in politics but distinctly contrasting social economic backgrounds trying maintain an equilibrium. The chorography in that dance must have been knife’s edge. Either, from lack of foresight or disinterest, it is almost impossible to get a sense of these two individuals as human beings, writings and historical documentations, barely hint at personalities or any other individualist traits that would have served as a clue of who they were or how they managed their day to day interactions. Reading with a magnifying glass between the lines, there is an assumption that Sir Bello was the Alpha dog of the relationship but was this through natural selection or more akin to a political ascension based on a privileged birth?
By the time of the ‘66 coup, which funnily enough was staged by a group of a delusional nationalist group of southern soldiers, the relationship between the NCNC and NPC was virtually non-existent. One would presume that the more intellectually minded Balewa would see the writing on the wall, have known that his continued position of influence depended on the continuation of the partnership with one of the other two major parties since the regional position of authority was not up for debate. I think of the dichotomy that such a complex power sharing model such as theirs would have presented. The friction that their relationship would have created is endlessly fascinating to me, two men of near equal education with similar backgrounds in politics but distinctly contrasting social economic backgrounds trying maintain an equilibrium. The chorography in that dance must have been knife’s edge. Either, from lack of foresight or disinterest, it is almost impossible to get a sense of these two individuals as human beings, writings and historical documentations, barely hint at personalities or any other individualist traits that would have served as a clue of who they were or how they managed their day to day interactions. Reading with a magnifying glass between the lines, there is an assumption that Sir Bello was the Alpha dog of the relationship but was this through natural selection or more akin to a political ascension based on a privileged birth?
Jun 26, 2009
All ebb, no flow......
The footsteps follow me everywhere, creep by creepy creep, all around the house. I am not afraid of them, I am resigned to the shadows hovering around me. Looking out through the window, I notice the grey light of an early dawn, there is a sadness about this morning but I refuse to address the source of this vague malaise I am experiencing. I walk sleepily into the kitchen and start a pot, for I must have my coffee. The feeling of performing everyday tasks, the routine itself is comforting, like a warm blanket in a cold room. Slowly my brain is stirring awake, coming on full blast like an express train pulling into the station, I know subconsciously what will arrive on that train, it’s the same footsteps that has been following me all around the house, all morning. There it was, I am wide awake, there is no escaping it now, everywhere I look, it stares back at me, in big black unflinching letters; MICHAEL JACKSON DEAD AT 50! How exactly am I going to spend the rest of my day?
May 8, 2009
Why Blog?
My pen drips liquid pleasure, my writing is like crack cocaine to my brain. I do not enjoy everything I put down but I always get a buzz from the reaction it elicits. It is true that most true artists are interested not in the millions that idolize their work but in the hundreds that claim not to be impressed. I do not feel like an artist, I feel more like a magician, conjuring up words of such exquisite fragility that the fabric from which this intricate tapestry is woven; is at once as shred able as cotton and at the same time as strong as silk. I feel like good writing should go down smooth like Irish cream but with the alcoholic effect of a shot of Irish whiskey. I write because I am bored, and need an escape, a place where my mind is occupied with complex realities and the everyday anomalies of human existence. I write to kill the fiery devil at the center of my heart that wants me to do so much more about the everyday injustices both real and perceived that plague not just me or mine but humanity and man. I write to express a point of view, to get out an opinion, to stretch my arguments over a wider area than the guy siding in the barstool next to me at the pub, to openly state my assumptions to see if others think along the same path. But mostly, I write, because I have an audience, even if it is an audience of one, it is more than my words deserve and for that I say thank you.
Nedu Nnadi
Apr 22, 2009
9jia Could Be Home
I live in exile in a strange country, surrounded by strange people speaking in strange tongues. I visit my home country the way Yankee tourists visit the Riviera, two weeks at a time, once a year. I only stay two weeks; because even my nostalgia is no match for the fear at the pit of my belle every time I am offered a glass of “pure water”, or the way my friends catapult from the back to the front of the car when I am forced to take evasive maneuvers to avoid giant holes in the middle of the highway. My time at home is always short, I am always in a hurry to return to this my new found land where I have chosen to hide myself. My shame runs deep, like the pools of mosquito infested stagnant water at the village, I cry at night from the pain that I know is somewhere being inflicted on the unlucky and the targeted by heavily armed thugs that own the darkness and the streets after 8.00PM. Somehow despite a GDP of $147 billon, the scream of the dying grows stronger by the day, you see my country is host to the silent curse of the big disease with the little name and unknown cure. Medicine cabinets are stocked full of fake drugs dispensed by unlicensed pharmacists and powerful priests claim to cure all kinds of illnesses by lays hands on people’s head. I internalize my sorrow a lot , when I am at home I can’t call my friends, I barely have any minutes and even when I do the South African company that owes my cell line is charging me 40 times what normal people would pay for the same service anywhere else in the world. There are plenty of others like me, we hang around the nice parts of this make belief place, wear fancy clothes and pretend to be something we are not, Americans. Everywhere I look I see doctors, lawyers, engineers, architects, artists, artisans, bankers, accountants all like me, lost souls trying to find a new meaning in Diaspora. The brave have abandoned their culture and left their heritage and history to be described by the lives of the unfortunate, the greedy, the unscrupulous, and the lost. I want to find outrage in my heart but my soul is empty, I have drained all my tears and my eyes are like hollow dark pools of black coal. The possibility that I will one day return to my homeland permanently is remote, you see I have broken bread here, my children will be born here, they will call this land home and refer to that distant place with the rich dark brown soil and the canopy of a thousand year old giant Udala trees as Africa.
Apr 10, 2009
The Space Inside my Head
Free form writing also known as stream-of-consciousness writing - can be used in order to clear the mind of half thoughts, actions, inactions, truths and half-truths. You go where your mind takes you and follow that thread as far along as it will take you, but branching off on the smallest of impulse. I started out by writing about resolutions and the New Year, wondering why people bother making “New Year Resolutions” when they know it will not be kept? Life altering changes are made not based on dates but events, in fact, it would be better to make New Year Restitutions (Resolution; defined: a firm decision to do something or hold firm to a belief, Restitutions defined: the return of something to the condition it was in before it was changed). Rather than a resolution to make new friends, how about making a restitution, by making up with a friend were the relationship has gone sour? Or rather than a resolution to give more to charity but instead make a restitution by returning anything you gained by wrongful means last year? It has a handle and an actual target and moreover it is bigger than just you.
Speaking of the New Year, this year all I am eating is fish, not that I particularly like fish but I have been convinced that fish contains Omega 3 oil (whatever that is) and that this oil unlike palm oil is good for me. Intellectually you can file this under the same heading as “vitamins improve your health”. For years they were supposed to be good for you, only recently the “know it alls” have changed their minds and decided that vitamin supplements do nothing for your health and are really just a waste of money since most people get all the Vitamins they need from their food anyway.
So with all the time in the world to make adjustments to your life, why would you choose the New Year? If you are in a plane flying across time zones it is possible to celebrate the incoming year 12 times in one day. Does the whole time zone thing make sense to you? Even cities on the same longitude are sometimes not even in the same time zone, the further west you go the less sense it makes. I know that LA should be at least 6 time zones away from NYC and not the current four, so how did they come by the four that we currently use and what happened to the other two? The thing I love most about LA are the freeways, I mean if not for the astronomical cost of living in that city, there is no better place to live on earth. The weather, the people, the topography and the malls are all to die for (except of course you live in Mahe, then in that case Na You Win). When I was in LA I experienced my first earthquake, believe me, if you have never been in one, there really is no way to describe the feeling that runs through you when the ground you are standing on begins to move, you immediately begin to understand how insignificant you are in context to everything else around you.
But I am are work now, second day back since the New Year, and I am not sure what to make of anything, I mean, are we in a recession or not? Everything feels the same, I am not really making anymore or less this year, than I did last year but for some reason I am extra tight with cash. Maybe it is all the doom and gloom being peddled on the TV or it is the fear that you don’t control your own faith as long as you are someone’s employee. I mean I would like to start my own show but I find myself a slave to the system, I truly am trapped in the matrix, Even if they pay me $500K a year, it is only because I am making $5M or more, a year for them. Ultimately it means that I have the skills to make $5M a year but I settle for the small cheese because I would rather be feed than bear the initial hunger it would take to free myself while searching for my own cheese.
I find that I am easily distracted, not ADD distracted but quickly convinced by extenuating factors to follow the next thought in the conga line of things running through my mind….. hmm, I wonder what will happen if I baked my Loafers?
Found In The Papers II
- The Auditor-General of the Federation, Mr. Robert Edjanavi, has expressed deep concern over the safety of Federal Government’s N363.9bn investments in some companies. Some of the investments, he said, might have been lost as a result of their privatisation or complete closure of the companies. The Auditor-General, therefore, advised the Accountant-General of the Federation to put a mechanism in place for the recovery of some of the funds. --------Dem don come again, wetin Lehman Bros get to do with 9jia money? Naija politicians are the true experts at never wasting a crisis. Any chance to die our pay is always welcome
- The Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) yesterday said that the total credits (loans) of the 24 banks operating in Nigeria has increased from N1.19 trillion in 2003 to N7.8 trillion as at January, 2009 while the total capital base is well over N2.1 trillion ----- E be like sey undercapitalized and overleveraged na words wey Nigerians go begin familiarize themselves with." I see dead people"
“How I met Jesus in prison” Jennifer Madike ------ Hmm… wonder if he was just visiting
- Sea pirates along the Bonny Channel, Rivers State, are said to have raped five ladies after they attacked three passenger boats in the area. A source on Tuesday told our correspondent that the three boats were intercepted by the armed gangs along the channel, which has become notorious for piracy and armed robbery in recent times. He said the gang laid ambush for the boats along the winding creeks and struck as soon as they came within their range. The source added that the gangsters carefully selected some women and a man from the three boats after the attack and forcibly took them deeper into the creeks. He said that the other passengers were allowed to go with the boats while the fate of the seized women and the man was unknown. …… We do not know what happened to the people that were kidnapped but the five women were certainly raped. And that one guy that was selected…..for what? Maybe, Rape?
- Pope Benedict XVI, who is making his first papal visit to Africa, has said that handing out condoms is not the answer in the fight against HIV/Aids. HIV/Aids was, he argued, "a tragedy that cannot be overcome by money alone, that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which can even increase the problem". The solution lay, he said, in a "spiritual and human awakening" and "friendship for those who suffer". ----- I wish I understood what he was trying to say. That condoms do not prevent or at least reduce the risk of infection?
- The Federal Executive Council Today said it is targeting the creation of a million jobs for youths in 2009 - ------ Me, I am always up for a decent miracle. What exactly is “job for youths”?
- ABUJA—For the first time since the return of democratic rule in 1999 the Senate yesterday commenced moves to appoint a national ombudsman with the responsibility of investigating complaints against federal, state and Local Governments. …… All well and good but what if I have a complaint against the Ombudsman?
- AT a recent gathering of
Touts and Bus Stop Academicsparliamentarians at the Iyana Ejigbo Bus-stop, a dispute had arisen over whether Governor Babatunde Fashola actually monitors how the different projects of his government were being executed. The dispute was a fallout of the surprise expressed by one of the parliamentarians, Francis Akpeyi, that the traffic control light at Iyana Ejigbo which malfunctioned for some days, causing a lot of traffic confusion, had been rectified within a short time. ----- Meaning there would have been no dispute if the light was still malfunctioning. That my friend is the essence of comedy, nothing else needs to be added, that soup don ready.
- If you are one of those thinking that singer Soul E is mourning his fate or remorse about his predicament in the last few months, sorry to disappoint you because he is not. The singer re branded his stage name and identity after getting ‘married’ to Queen Ure Okezie in Umuahia last year, and went on to parade themselves about town as showbiz couple, man and wife, appearing on different television shows and several events as King and Queen. ------more like area father and mother.
- CAN someone tell the EFCC to stop fooling the public? When a new Chairman of the EFCC in the person of Mrs. Farida Waziri was appointed about a year ago, expectations were high. No one believed that it could be a smokescreen. ------ Nope, most of us thought it was a “Chinese room divider” not a screen of any kind.
- AN in-depth analysis of the official pronouncements and statements of top government functionaries in Nigeria on the current global financial crisis reveals one of two things: Either a clear lack of understanding of the depth and ramifications of the issue at hand or an outright trivialization of how to go about it, which, essentially, is a function of the former. – Sometimes you can be too smart, such as now.
- Customs officials at the Beijing airport in China announced that they detained a Nigerian man who had a suitcase filled with about 87 kg of marijuana. Chinese police say it is the biggest drug arrest this year. ------- How is that even possible? How big was the suitcase? 190 pounds, com’on now! I bet he even tried bring it on to the plane as hand carry.
- A circuit court in Goaso has sentenced a 37 year-old self-styled juju man, Alhaji Abonyere, to 15 years imprisonment in hard labour for sexually assaulting a housewife. The convict pleaded guilty. He said in January the victim, who was suffering from menstrual disorder, was accompanied by her husband to the convict for herbal treatment. The prosecutor said the convict demanded GHC 2.00 and a cock as consultation fee for the treatment and placed the housewife on treatment. On February 3 when she reported to the convict for treatment Abonyere invited her into his room and asked her to obey all his instructions or she would go mad. Abonyere then stripped the woman half naked and smeared the stomach with black powder. Abonyere again removed the underwear of the housewife and put a talisman around her waist after which he asked her to bend down and continue to stir a calabash containing the blood of a fowl with a finger till he asked her to stop. ------- I wonder what she thought was going to happen after her underwear came down? I mean except if the man had an underwear fetish, this song only had one chorus. Please, what is GHC 2.00, na gun? or New brand of Condom?
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