Life as it happens
Oct 29, 2010
Disgruntled.
God; it feels like I am sitting in Tonia’s barbecue pit, the heat from the engine is roasting me and my rapidly rising anger is in symmetry with it. I feel a symbiotic bond with the misery all around me, this train is too hot, and this jacket is so God DAMNED HEAVY! I…., I need to calm down…but it is so heavy. Gone are the days when I recoiled from the pain or flinched before the wretched hordes. They can push me around all they want, my days are numbered and the sense of invincibility I feel comes from the certainty of my plight. One eye closed, I try to concentrate on the details of my plan, I feel some perverse sense of pleasure in anticipation of the suffering I am about to unleash. The world had never been kind to me and now finally, somebody will bear the brunt of all the days I had cried myself to sleep. My meaningless,… desolate existence, will be remembered for at least one thing. I will put an end to this continuously endless dissolution of society, corrupt corporations, run by corrupt Neanderthals. They held my head down, yes they did, they never gave me a chance, they ground my ambitions and dreams into dust …….It never much mattered to them how I felt, it was always, take, take, take…… Why is the guard staring at me, does he know? Oh God, I hope that nothing is showing…. Not here, not out in the lobby, I will never make it upstairs, if I have to start here. Phew, he looked away, for a second there I almost……I have to admit these elevators are fast, how fast did the very first elevator go, I wonder? Strange, why am I so calm, my hands are almost perfectly still if not for that slight tremor…. Deep breathe, ohhhh, ahhhh, ohhhh, ahhhhh, breathe in, out, check the twelve gauge, tuck the 45 into my pant front. As I bust through the door, Mrs. Smith jumps back startled, then she recognizes me, I see the familiar disdain begin to settle back into her face, then she sees the gun, her eyes start to widen again. The beginnings of a wicked grin starts to form at the corners of my mouth as I bring the gun level, dead center ………..<
Terror as a weapon of teenage rebellion
I look into the eyes of this kid, this terrorist and I see myself, I see my brother, I see a kid. I try not to ask myself what I would see if he had been successful in his quest, I try to shield my mind from the ugliness of his intentions, from the misery his plans would have brought home to hundreds of people, hundred of innocent people mind you, this festive season. I find it hard to look at his picture on TV, I find myself changing the channel whenever he is story is on the tele, I am not sure why. It definitely is not out of sympathy for his cause, ideology or politics, I don’t know why or how he came about his convictions or why he was on that plane trying to trying to end his life and take others with him. My problem is that I just see a regular kid, a boy from privilege that somehow confused religion with politics. Nigerians might be a lot of things, but we are generally by definition not into terror, or terrorism or martyrdom or any of that ultra religious nonsense. Please do not take this to mean that we do not have overzealous zealots (the redundancy is deliberate) whose main goal in life is the hope of delivering “the unwashed” into the arms of the Lord or God by any name. It’s just that we mostly restrict our blood letting to murdering each other over tribal differences masquerading as religious riots. Nigerians love life, despite the wretchedness of our economy and the corrupt ineptitude of our leaders, we are generally a happy bunch, will party at the drop of a hat, make friends easily and are not loners or socially crippled “the world has done me wrong” types. Here comes this stupid kid from a wealthy father and all of a sudden I am confused, I ask myself “self, why would his boy do this?”, it makes no sense at all. Children of privilege are not supposed to subscribe to the seduction of religious fanatics’, religion is supposed to be the opium of the poor not the rich and bored. So what is the missing link? To use a Nigerian slang “na where this tori from develop K-leg?” I keep coming back to the same thing, is this some form of teenage rebellion? If it is not, then what is it?
My Brother You Sabi Speak Brokin? Morning Humor - If you can read it.
So you wake up for mor rin. Look inside mirror, you are disgusted with what you have become. What happened to that good looking person you used to be? “How did these tires get to the back of my head?” You ask no one in particular. “Oh my God, I have developed choppers!”, you think. Despite or to spite the ugliness in the mirror, you start your day with ten big balls of akra, a bowl of akamu with powdered milk and sugar. You are very unhappy with Mama Theresa, “dis woman wan carry food kill me”, “ wich kin mountain of food be dis?” But as you get up to leave the table nothing is left, your stomach is very happy but your mind is upset. As oga you leave the plate on the table, somebody will clear it, it gives you a small measure of satisfaction that it will piss off Mama Theresa when she comes around to clear the table and do the dishes. Serves her right, always serving you heavy food in the morning. By the way where is that boy? “LEVINUS!, SIR! He yells back, “Can’t you see that I running late, it is more of a statement than a question, he knows better than to respond to that. Oya, go warm the car and bring me my briefcase. You hear keys jiggling as he starts flying down the stairs, Levy loves to warm the car, you suspect that he even drives it from time to time, you make a mental note to set a trap for the rascal. Speaking of which, where in Ijebu is Mama Theresa? Chei, you have suffered in this house, I guess they now expect you to lie out your own clothes. Ehhh… wonders shall never end.
MAMA THESERA, MAMA THERESA! IF I CALL YOU AGAIN, THIS HOUSE WILL NOT CONTAIN THE TWO OF US O! you yell. “Gbaborun!, “why you dey shout”,” why you dey shout” she repeats,” abi you think sey na slave you buy put for house?”” I bin dey downstairs dey fetch water,” “Na wetin you want?” Immediately you can tell she is in a bad mood, if you want to go to work this morning, it might be a good idea to thread softly. In a much softer tone, you ask if she has laid out your Agbada for you already? She murmurs something under her breathe and spins around on her heels, heading for the bedroom. As you watch her walk away, your eyes are drawn to the violent side to side motion of her yansh, almost without warning you feel blood surging through your kini, you are aroused. Feigning anger, you storm after her into the bedroom,you pretend to slam the door shut in anger. You reach out to her with you left hand while with your right, you start to loosen your wrapper “wetin dey worry you sef?” “everytime na so so harassment for this house”. “Oya, come siddon near me for this bed I wan talk to you”……………
MAMA THESERA, MAMA THERESA! IF I CALL YOU AGAIN, THIS HOUSE WILL NOT CONTAIN THE TWO OF US O! you yell. “Gbaborun!, “why you dey shout”,” why you dey shout” she repeats,” abi you think sey na slave you buy put for house?”” I bin dey downstairs dey fetch water,” “Na wetin you want?” Immediately you can tell she is in a bad mood, if you want to go to work this morning, it might be a good idea to thread softly. In a much softer tone, you ask if she has laid out your Agbada for you already? She murmurs something under her breathe and spins around on her heels, heading for the bedroom. As you watch her walk away, your eyes are drawn to the violent side to side motion of her yansh, almost without warning you feel blood surging through your kini, you are aroused. Feigning anger, you storm after her into the bedroom,you pretend to slam the door shut in anger. You reach out to her with you left hand while with your right, you start to loosen your wrapper “wetin dey worry you sef?” “everytime na so so harassment for this house”. “Oya, come siddon near me for this bed I wan talk to you”……………
Unintended Humor
Someone posted this as a status update;
"THINK WELL BEFORE YOU ACT OR MAKE DECISIONS, CAUSE THAT DECISION MADE TODAY, MIGHT MAKE OR MARE YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."
and this was one of the comments below the update;
"AND WE BOTH KNOW THATS SO REAL..I MADE A BIG MISTAKE ONCE AND NOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT.."
Now being a very mischievous person i immediately began imagining "Big Mistake" as a living person or being. So you wake up in the morning, in walks your husband "big mistake", instantly ruining the rest of the day. You made the "big mistake" of feeding a stray dog now it is staying with you or that one night you forgot to use protection, nine months later "big mistake" is born or...... i could go on forever, this is endlessly hilarious.
Em .... this na joke, i no know the person wey post that comment, therefore no get any idea wetin the mistake dey refer to.
"THINK WELL BEFORE YOU ACT OR MAKE DECISIONS, CAUSE THAT DECISION MADE TODAY, MIGHT MAKE OR MARE YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."
and this was one of the comments below the update;
"AND WE BOTH KNOW THATS SO REAL..I MADE A BIG MISTAKE ONCE AND NOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT.."
Now being a very mischievous person i immediately began imagining "Big Mistake" as a living person or being. So you wake up in the morning, in walks your husband "big mistake", instantly ruining the rest of the day. You made the "big mistake" of feeding a stray dog now it is staying with you or that one night you forgot to use protection, nine months later "big mistake" is born or...... i could go on forever, this is endlessly hilarious.
Em .... this na joke, i no know the person wey post that comment, therefore no get any idea wetin the mistake dey refer to.
Oct 14, 2010
SWAHILI PROVERBS
Courtesy of SWAHILI PROVERBS: METHALI ZA KISWAHILI
Master - servant
3281. Afadhali kufa vitani kuliko kufa mtumwa. NGU.
It's better to die in the war than to die as a slave.
3282. Akikalia kigoda mtii. EM.9.5.
The one who sits on the stool must be obeyed.
3283. Akosapo mkubwa, mdogo huadhibiwa. EM.10.7.
When a great person blunders, a junior person is punished.
A scapegoat.
3291. Asimamao haendi mbio hayafukuzwa. JKP.
The one who stands will not start running before he is chased away.
"It is not easy to dislodge a dignity once he is in power." JKP.
3292. Atangazaye mirimo, si mwana wa ruwari. F.5.43.
The one who allocates the tasks is not [necessarily] the son of the headman.
3293. Dagaa pia humtuma papa. REK.
The sardine also employs the shark.
Dua la kuku halimshiki mwewe. REK.
The prayer of the chicken does not seize the hawk.
3298. Hata mtumwa alipata kuwa mtoto wa mtu. EM h15.
Even a slave has once been somebody's child.
3300. Hivyo ndivyo ilivyo sivyo? (p.243; 3 Sec.School Students. Edwin Mellon Press.)
That's the way it is, isn't it?
3301. Ipunguzwayo ni iliyojaa. MARA 2.
What is full will be diminished.
3308. Jumbe akikuumiza (akikuudhi) tabasamu. EM j19.
If the headman hurts (offends) you, smile.
The jumbe has authority. If you take offense you may be hurt.
3309. Juu ya mwalimu kutoa ruhusa. JKP.
It is up to the [school] master to give permission.
3312. Kidole cha mkubwa kilimpatia mbuzi mimba. AL 1480.
The finger of the headman has made the goat pregnant,
The experience of a superior proves to be effective. AL.
3313. Kifaranga hawezi kujaa chungu. AL 1588.
A young chicken cannot fill the pot.
3327. Koti kwake ni mgongoni. NGU.
The place of one's coat is on one's back.
Everything has its place.
3328. Kuagiza ni kuweza? TS 35/31.
Is giving orders the same as enabling?
3329. Kuku hali anakwenda akila ameisha hukumiwa afe. AL 1616.
Although the chicken is going on eating, it is already condemned to die.
Little people don't know what the ruling power has in mind for them.
3330. Kuku hashindani na kisu. KB.125. MP.226.1.
The chicken is no match for the knife.
It is the earthen pot against the iron pot. MP.
Kuku ataweza kushindana na kisu? KB.125.
Can a fowl fight a knife? Cf. #1424.
3331. Kuna chuma cha suwezi, hushindana na sukuo? T.183.
Is there iron from Suez, that can fight the grindstone?
Of useless resistance against superior forces.
3332. Kwa kukaukani, maji visimani, hata mfalume, kiu kimuume. JKP
When the water in the wells dries up, even the king suffers from thirst.
"In time of dearth even the king loses his rights." JKP.
3333. Kwa simba fisi huinama: ya simba fisi hula nyama. RSP.74.
For the lion the hyena bows [and so] the lion's food it eats.
3334. Kwenye vipofu mwenye chongo hutawala. REK.
Among the blind one-eye rules.
Kwa vipofu, mwenye chongo huwa [ni] mfalme. NGU.
Among the blind one-eye is king.
3335. Macho ya vyura hayamzuii mteka maji kuteka. EM m1.
The toad's eyes don't stop a water-drawer from drawing water.
Words and warnings of small people don't stop big people to do their things. Cf. # 1417a.
3336. Mafurika hutengeneza mkirizi wake wenyewe. NGU.
The floods make their own path.
3337. Mali ya mjomba si ya mpwa. AL 1115.
The property of the (maternal) uncle is not going to the nephew/niece.
Don't count on help from others.
3338. Mamlaka yanamsahau mfalme anayekufa. NGU.
The dying king forgets his authority.
Mamlaka: authority, right to ownership; property.
3339. Mbiu ya mgambo ikilia ina jambo. F.23.27; T.252; H.59; J., mbiu; SACL.527; KS, mbiu.
When the buffalo-horn sounds, there is something of importance. [and often something is wrong].
Mbiu ya mgambo: formerly a buffalo-horn was blown to call people to hear a proclamation or announcement. J.
3340. Mbwa anakufa, kengele inabaki. AL 1470.
The dog dies, but its bell remains.
Power is transferred to the successor, another hunting dog will carry the bell. AL.
3341. Mbwa hushikwa mdomo na mwenyewe. REK.
The mouth of a dog is held tight by the owner.
A dog does what its owner wants.
3342. Mbwa wa jumbe ni jumbe. AL 1533.
The dog of the chief is also a chief.
Receives the honor of a chief: respect, food.
Jumbe, or mwami: chief.
3343. Meno yasipite midomo. AL 691; AL, mdomo/shinda.
Teeth should not exceed the lips.
One should stay within one's rank. AL.
3344. Mfalme akifanya biashara, raia watakuwa maskini. NGU.
If the king goes into business the citizens will become poor.
3345. Mfalme hasifiwi kwao. NGU.
A king is not honored in his own country.
Mfalme: king, chief
3346. Mgomba mfupi ndio ukatwako majani. KB.182.
From a short banana tree one cuts the leaves.
It is usually the little and meek person who carries the burden.
3347. Milio ya vyura haiwazuii ng'ombe kunywa maji. REK.
The cries of the frogs do not stop the cows from drinking water.
Who is bothered by the cries of a frog?
Mindful of a Native American proverb: A frog does not drink up the pond in which it lives. Cf.#3355.
3348. Mja kwako akusikilize. REK.
A person who is with you should listen to you.
3349. Mjumbe hauawi. F.26.64; T.267; A.73; KB.184; AL 1513; MARA 3.
A messenger must not be slain.
The messenger is innocent and must be respected. KB; AL.
3350. Mkizima moto mtaota nini? AL 1464; AL zima.
If you extinguish the fire, what will warm you?
Undermining authority is always harmful.
Mnyonge hupata haki na mwenye nguvu kutaka. NS.9.
A poor person usually receives rights as a gift, but the powerful just takes them.
Power is stronger than right and money is all-powerful. NS.
3357. Moto ni mtumishi mwema, lakini bwana mbaya. NGU.
Fire is a good servant, but a bad master.
3358. Mpishe mwenye nguvu apite. NGU.
Let the strong man pass by.
3359. Mti wa kimo chako hauwezi kukupa kivuli. EM m31.
A tree of your height cannot shade you.
A person with the same ability as yourself cannot help you in matters which require greater ability than you have. EM.
3366. Mungu tusalimu kodi, mayumba hayana vitu. JKP.
May God preserve us from taxes; even the big houses [the rich families] have nothing left.
3367. Mwamba ukitoka nyumba, makombamoyo yanasambaa. AL 1457.
If the ridge pole leaves the roof, the other poles fall aside.
Without a chief there is disorder and failures. AL.
Kombamoyo or mwamba: roof pole.
3368. Mwenye kutawala hawezi kulala. RSP.102.
A ruler cannot sleep.
3369. Mwinda [naye] huwindwa. NGU.
The hunter also is hunted.
3370. Mwungwana hasukumwi. NGU.
A gentleman is not pushed.
He moves freely.
3371. Mwungwana hatupi nguo chakavu. AL 7.
A free person does not abandon an old piece of clothing.
One does not easily discard an object one is used to. It is hard to abandon customs, habits, pleasures.
3372. Nazi haishindani na jiwe. MARA.58; EM N1.
A coconut cannot compete with a stone.
"A junior cannot beat a senior." EM.
Jiwe: stone; here, a person in authority. Cf. #1413, #1441, #1442.
3373. Ndege tele katika mti, mwenye midomo mekundu ndiye mkubwa. AL 679.
There are many birds in the tree, but the chief is the one with a red beak.
3374. Nikiwa kwangu mfalme. NGU.
If I were at home, I would be a king.
3375. Nyumba kwa kuwa na nguvu, lazima iwe na mwamba. KB.254.
A house in order to be solid needs a ridge pole. In order to keep a family or a society strong it needs a head.
3376. Nywele huchukuliwa na kichwa. MARA 2.
Hair is carried by the head.
Hair on the head is hair. Hair needs the head in order to be hair.
Used for people, who depend on others being in order to exist or to do a job. Dependency.
Malaika: eyelashes, hair on arm or hand.
Masharubu: mustache.
Ndevu: beard
Nywele: hair on the head. Hair on other parts of the body is not called nywele.
3377. Nywele ziliheshimu uso, uso ukaziheshimu nywele. AL 1185.
Hair respects the face, and the face respects the hair.
Superior and inferior respect each other, etc.
3378. Nywele ziliota zikaogopa uso. AL 1569.
The hair has grown and was afraid of the face.
The inferior must stay within certain limits.
3379. Nzige hawana mfalme. NGU.
Locusts have no chief.
Nobody controls them from doing harm.
3380. Ogopa anayekutuma, usiogope mpokea ujumbe. EM o2.
Fear the one who sends you and not the one who receives the message.
The one who sends you has more authority over you.
3381. Pa mndewa usishindane napo. EM p2.
In the headman's domain you should not be a challenge.
You should observe the regulations of that place.
Mndewa: headman or clan leader.
3382. Pa shoka hapaingii kisu. KA; MARA 2.
At the place of an axe, a knife does not enter.
If an axe is needed, a knife is useless [to split a coconut, to cut a tree}.
Use adequate tools or means.
3383. Paa akitoka shimoni, haya ya mchimbaji. AL 391.
If the antelope escapes from the hole, blame is the digger's. Imperfect work is offensive to the headman in charge. AL
The workman is responsible for his work.
3384. Pahali pa mtu kufawa ni mtu aliye juu yake. T.447; SACL.212.
The place for a person to get good is [with] the boss. T.
Where can help for you come from, if not from above you? SACL.
Stand by your boss and you'll profit.
3385. Paka akiondoka, panya hutawala. F.41.4; H.93; J., panya; T.448; V.3; A.139; L.84; B.2.17; RECH. 428; CM.53; KB.257; SWA.57; MARA 3.
When the cat goes away, mice reign.
Paka akitoka, panya wakaruka. RSP.110.
If the cat leaves, the rats jump.
A cruel ruler is better than no ruler. RSP.
Paka wakiondokea, panya tatumilikia. RSP.50.
When the cats are gone, the rats will rule us.
Young ambitious leaders are no better than the old traditional chiefs and elders. RSP.
Tatumilikia for watatumilikia or watatumaliki. MM.
3386. Safari ya mabwana, arusi ya maboi. KB.271.
The journey of the masters is like a wedding feast for the servants.
3387. Samaki anaogelea majini nayo maji yatamla. AL 1573.
The fish that swims in water will be eaten by the water.
A flatterer risks being exploited. AL.
3388. Samaki huanza kuoza kichwani. JK.122.
A fish begins to rot at its head.
When leaders are corrupt, the whole community will become corrupt. JK., MP.
Samaki inaoza kichwani. MP.226. 12.
The fish rots at the head.
3389. Serikali ina mkono mreful. RECH.471.
The government has a long arm.
There is no running away from it. Cf. #1411.
3390. Sheria haijui nguvu. NGU.
The law does not know force.
The law is impartial.
3391. Sheria haina kwao. KS, sheria; NGU.
The law has no home.
The law does not belong to any special group of people.
3392. Sheria iishapo dhuluma huanza. NGU.
Where law ends, violence starts,
Dhuluma: injustice, fraud, oppression, violence
3393. Sheria na chuma hazina huruma. RSP.57.
The law and iron [weapons] have no mercy. RSP.
3394. Sheria ni msumeno hukata huku na huku. KS, msumeno.
The law is like a saw, it cuts everywhere. Cf. #1431.
3397. Sikio halipitii kichwa. F.44.8; SWA.p.93; KB. 278; F., halipwani; AL 1564.
The ear does not surpass the head.
One ought to know one's place.
But also : Use your head, do not believe all you hear. The egg is not more clever than the hen. V.83.
The inferior does not surpass his superior. KB.
3399. Simba mla watu akiliwa, huwani? T.488; KA.
When a man-eating lion is devoured, what matters it?
Why be amazed if an evil person falls down.
3401. Sungura, bakia pembeni; tembo mwenye shindo apite. AL 698.
Hare, stay in the corner, let the elephant in heavy stride, pass by.
Wise people let the ambitious people pass.
3402. Tarumbeta ni mwenyewe. REK.
The trumpet is the master.
The trumpet is dominating and listened to.
3403. Toa amri, nawe upokee amri. EM t13.
Give orders and receive orders.
What you do to others, you should be ready to accept it, when it is done to you.
3404. Tunda lililokatazwa [linalokatazwa] ni tamu. NGU.
The forbidden fruit is sweet.
3405. Ubeberu - kama shetani. NGU.
Exploitation is work of the devil.
Ubeberu or ubepari: the state of exploitation
3406. Ubepari ni unyama. KS.
Exploitation is beastly.
3407. Ukiipata itumie: ukikosa ijutie. NS.15.
If you get it, use it; if you miss it, regret it.
This is said of people who become arrogant when in power; when they lose their power they'll get their due.
Ukipata kitumie, ukikosa jishukurie. SAM.24.5.
If you get it, use it; if you lack it, be patient in it.
Take the good with the evil.
3408. Ukitaka kusafiri, bwana-mwitu umkiri. RSP.135.
If you want to travel, pay due respect to the master o£ the wilderness. RSP.
3409. Ukiwa mkubwa jisahihisha mwenyewe. NGU.
If you are an important person, scrutinize your own behavior.
3410. Ukubwa ni jaa. MARA.71.
Greatness is like a rubbish hole.
Uongozi ni jalala. EM u23.
Leadership is like a rubbish pit.
Leadership is the place where rubbish is thrown; that is, all blames, insults and evils concerning an organization or business are levelled against its leader. EM.
3411. Ukuu si pembe kama mtu ataota. AL 687.
Greatness is not a horn that grows on the head of somebody.
It must be earned.
3412. Usigombeze upepo; njiwa aliyetandika vibaya. AL 1559.
Don't quarrel with the wind; it's the pigeon that landed badly.
It is dangerous to contest people in authority. AL.
3413. Usile kwa sahani ukasahau bunguu. KA.
Don't eat from a plate, and forgetting [that you were eating from] the earthen bowl. Cf. #925; #1661; #1438
3414. Usiogope mkubwa, ogopa ukubwa. NGU.
Don't be afraid of the person in charge, but fear to be in charge.
Ukubwa: greatness, power, grandeur, celebrity, renown.
3415. Usione simba kapigwa na mvua. KA.
Don't ignore a lion that has been caught in the rain.
The lion might shiver and look like a wet old dog, but it is still very dangerous. Don't look down on people who seemingly lost their power. Cf. #1721; #1719.
3416. Usisahau ubaharia kwa sababu ya unahodha. F.49. 39; SWA.28; H.107; JK.140.
Usisahau ubaharia kwa kupata unahodha. FSM.195.
Do not forget the lot of the seaman because [you are now] a captain.
Do not despise those who are beneath you. Cf.925.
3417. Utakwenda utarudi. AL 1551.
You'll go, [but] you'll come back.
Independence has a catch.
3418. Utii ni bora kuliko kafara. NGU.
Obedience is better than a sacrifice.
3419. Viovu vya bwana si vyema vya juma kitwana. SAM. 26.1; MS.190.
The bad things of the master are not the good things of Juma, the servant.
3420. Wakubwa humeza wadogo. KB.341.
The big ones eat the small ones.
3421. Wakubwa wadogo wana taabu. EM w10.
Big little people have difficult times.
If a small or little persons are put in charge they will have difficulties.
3422. Wali unaifokea sahani. AL 696.
The cooked rice is angry with the plate.
The subordinate is always angry in vain with his superior.
Foka: blurt out a rush of words, as in anger.
3425. Wewe jiwe mimi nazi. L.107; V.107.
You are the stone, I am the coconut.
I am helpless, you have the power to crush me. Cf. #1421, #1442.
3426. Wewe kisu, mimi nyama. NS.ll; WIKON.227i SWA.35; V.107, sisi nyama; SACL.404.
You are the knife, I am the meat. [Or: we are the meat]
It is your pleasure, I am at your mercy. Complaining is useless, you are too powerful.
3427. Yai litakuwa juu, la mamaye kuku kuu. RSP.36.
The egg will be on top of its mother, the big hen.
The next generation will try and teach their elders. RSP.
Yai lina[m]shauria kuku. AL, yai.
The egg advising the hen.
An inferior giving advice to a superior.
3428. Yenu hunuka, yetu hainuki. REK.
Yours smells bad, ours does not smell evil.
Master - servant
3281. Afadhali kufa vitani kuliko kufa mtumwa. NGU.
It's better to die in the war than to die as a slave.
3282. Akikalia kigoda mtii. EM.9.5.
The one who sits on the stool must be obeyed.
3283. Akosapo mkubwa, mdogo huadhibiwa. EM.10.7.
When a great person blunders, a junior person is punished.
A scapegoat.
3291. Asimamao haendi mbio hayafukuzwa. JKP.
The one who stands will not start running before he is chased away.
"It is not easy to dislodge a dignity once he is in power." JKP.
3292. Atangazaye mirimo, si mwana wa ruwari. F.5.43.
The one who allocates the tasks is not [necessarily] the son of the headman.
3293. Dagaa pia humtuma papa. REK.
The sardine also employs the shark.
Dua la kuku halimshiki mwewe. REK.
The prayer of the chicken does not seize the hawk.
3298. Hata mtumwa alipata kuwa mtoto wa mtu. EM h15.
Even a slave has once been somebody's child.
3300. Hivyo ndivyo ilivyo sivyo? (p.243; 3 Sec.School Students. Edwin Mellon Press.)
That's the way it is, isn't it?
3301. Ipunguzwayo ni iliyojaa. MARA 2.
What is full will be diminished.
3308. Jumbe akikuumiza (akikuudhi) tabasamu. EM j19.
If the headman hurts (offends) you, smile.
The jumbe has authority. If you take offense you may be hurt.
3309. Juu ya mwalimu kutoa ruhusa. JKP.
It is up to the [school] master to give permission.
3312. Kidole cha mkubwa kilimpatia mbuzi mimba. AL 1480.
The finger of the headman has made the goat pregnant,
The experience of a superior proves to be effective. AL.
3313. Kifaranga hawezi kujaa chungu. AL 1588.
A young chicken cannot fill the pot.
3327. Koti kwake ni mgongoni. NGU.
The place of one's coat is on one's back.
Everything has its place.
3328. Kuagiza ni kuweza? TS 35/31.
Is giving orders the same as enabling?
3329. Kuku hali anakwenda akila ameisha hukumiwa afe. AL 1616.
Although the chicken is going on eating, it is already condemned to die.
Little people don't know what the ruling power has in mind for them.
3330. Kuku hashindani na kisu. KB.125. MP.226.1.
The chicken is no match for the knife.
It is the earthen pot against the iron pot. MP.
Kuku ataweza kushindana na kisu? KB.125.
Can a fowl fight a knife? Cf. #1424.
3331. Kuna chuma cha suwezi, hushindana na sukuo? T.183.
Is there iron from Suez, that can fight the grindstone?
Of useless resistance against superior forces.
3332. Kwa kukaukani, maji visimani, hata mfalume, kiu kimuume. JKP
When the water in the wells dries up, even the king suffers from thirst.
"In time of dearth even the king loses his rights." JKP.
3333. Kwa simba fisi huinama: ya simba fisi hula nyama. RSP.74.
For the lion the hyena bows [and so] the lion's food it eats.
3334. Kwenye vipofu mwenye chongo hutawala. REK.
Among the blind one-eye rules.
Kwa vipofu, mwenye chongo huwa [ni] mfalme. NGU.
Among the blind one-eye is king.
3335. Macho ya vyura hayamzuii mteka maji kuteka. EM m1.
The toad's eyes don't stop a water-drawer from drawing water.
Words and warnings of small people don't stop big people to do their things. Cf. # 1417a.
3336. Mafurika hutengeneza mkirizi wake wenyewe. NGU.
The floods make their own path.
3337. Mali ya mjomba si ya mpwa. AL 1115.
The property of the (maternal) uncle is not going to the nephew/niece.
Don't count on help from others.
3338. Mamlaka yanamsahau mfalme anayekufa. NGU.
The dying king forgets his authority.
Mamlaka: authority, right to ownership; property.
3339. Mbiu ya mgambo ikilia ina jambo. F.23.27; T.252; H.59; J., mbiu; SACL.527; KS, mbiu.
When the buffalo-horn sounds, there is something of importance. [and often something is wrong].
Mbiu ya mgambo: formerly a buffalo-horn was blown to call people to hear a proclamation or announcement. J.
3340. Mbwa anakufa, kengele inabaki. AL 1470.
The dog dies, but its bell remains.
Power is transferred to the successor, another hunting dog will carry the bell. AL.
3341. Mbwa hushikwa mdomo na mwenyewe. REK.
The mouth of a dog is held tight by the owner.
A dog does what its owner wants.
3342. Mbwa wa jumbe ni jumbe. AL 1533.
The dog of the chief is also a chief.
Receives the honor of a chief: respect, food.
Jumbe, or mwami: chief.
3343. Meno yasipite midomo. AL 691; AL, mdomo/shinda.
Teeth should not exceed the lips.
One should stay within one's rank. AL.
3344. Mfalme akifanya biashara, raia watakuwa maskini. NGU.
If the king goes into business the citizens will become poor.
3345. Mfalme hasifiwi kwao. NGU.
A king is not honored in his own country.
Mfalme: king, chief
3346. Mgomba mfupi ndio ukatwako majani. KB.182.
From a short banana tree one cuts the leaves.
It is usually the little and meek person who carries the burden.
3347. Milio ya vyura haiwazuii ng'ombe kunywa maji. REK.
The cries of the frogs do not stop the cows from drinking water.
Who is bothered by the cries of a frog?
Mindful of a Native American proverb: A frog does not drink up the pond in which it lives. Cf.#3355.
3348. Mja kwako akusikilize. REK.
A person who is with you should listen to you.
3349. Mjumbe hauawi. F.26.64; T.267; A.73; KB.184; AL 1513; MARA 3.
A messenger must not be slain.
The messenger is innocent and must be respected. KB; AL.
3350. Mkizima moto mtaota nini? AL 1464; AL zima.
If you extinguish the fire, what will warm you?
Undermining authority is always harmful.
Mnyonge hupata haki na mwenye nguvu kutaka. NS.9.
A poor person usually receives rights as a gift, but the powerful just takes them.
Power is stronger than right and money is all-powerful. NS.
3357. Moto ni mtumishi mwema, lakini bwana mbaya. NGU.
Fire is a good servant, but a bad master.
3358. Mpishe mwenye nguvu apite. NGU.
Let the strong man pass by.
3359. Mti wa kimo chako hauwezi kukupa kivuli. EM m31.
A tree of your height cannot shade you.
A person with the same ability as yourself cannot help you in matters which require greater ability than you have. EM.
3366. Mungu tusalimu kodi, mayumba hayana vitu. JKP.
May God preserve us from taxes; even the big houses [the rich families] have nothing left.
3367. Mwamba ukitoka nyumba, makombamoyo yanasambaa. AL 1457.
If the ridge pole leaves the roof, the other poles fall aside.
Without a chief there is disorder and failures. AL.
Kombamoyo or mwamba: roof pole.
3368. Mwenye kutawala hawezi kulala. RSP.102.
A ruler cannot sleep.
3369. Mwinda [naye] huwindwa. NGU.
The hunter also is hunted.
3370. Mwungwana hasukumwi. NGU.
A gentleman is not pushed.
He moves freely.
3371. Mwungwana hatupi nguo chakavu. AL 7.
A free person does not abandon an old piece of clothing.
One does not easily discard an object one is used to. It is hard to abandon customs, habits, pleasures.
3372. Nazi haishindani na jiwe. MARA.58; EM N1.
A coconut cannot compete with a stone.
"A junior cannot beat a senior." EM.
Jiwe: stone; here, a person in authority. Cf. #1413, #1441, #1442.
3373. Ndege tele katika mti, mwenye midomo mekundu ndiye mkubwa. AL 679.
There are many birds in the tree, but the chief is the one with a red beak.
3374. Nikiwa kwangu mfalme. NGU.
If I were at home, I would be a king.
3375. Nyumba kwa kuwa na nguvu, lazima iwe na mwamba. KB.254.
A house in order to be solid needs a ridge pole. In order to keep a family or a society strong it needs a head.
3376. Nywele huchukuliwa na kichwa. MARA 2.
Hair is carried by the head.
Hair on the head is hair. Hair needs the head in order to be hair.
Used for people, who depend on others being in order to exist or to do a job. Dependency.
Malaika: eyelashes, hair on arm or hand.
Masharubu: mustache.
Ndevu: beard
Nywele: hair on the head. Hair on other parts of the body is not called nywele.
3377. Nywele ziliheshimu uso, uso ukaziheshimu nywele. AL 1185.
Hair respects the face, and the face respects the hair.
Superior and inferior respect each other, etc.
3378. Nywele ziliota zikaogopa uso. AL 1569.
The hair has grown and was afraid of the face.
The inferior must stay within certain limits.
3379. Nzige hawana mfalme. NGU.
Locusts have no chief.
Nobody controls them from doing harm.
3380. Ogopa anayekutuma, usiogope mpokea ujumbe. EM o2.
Fear the one who sends you and not the one who receives the message.
The one who sends you has more authority over you.
3381. Pa mndewa usishindane napo. EM p2.
In the headman's domain you should not be a challenge.
You should observe the regulations of that place.
Mndewa: headman or clan leader.
3382. Pa shoka hapaingii kisu. KA; MARA 2.
At the place of an axe, a knife does not enter.
If an axe is needed, a knife is useless [to split a coconut, to cut a tree}.
Use adequate tools or means.
3383. Paa akitoka shimoni, haya ya mchimbaji. AL 391.
If the antelope escapes from the hole, blame is the digger's. Imperfect work is offensive to the headman in charge. AL
The workman is responsible for his work.
3384. Pahali pa mtu kufawa ni mtu aliye juu yake. T.447; SACL.212.
The place for a person to get good is [with] the boss. T.
Where can help for you come from, if not from above you? SACL.
Stand by your boss and you'll profit.
3385. Paka akiondoka, panya hutawala. F.41.4; H.93; J., panya; T.448; V.3; A.139; L.84; B.2.17; RECH. 428; CM.53; KB.257; SWA.57; MARA 3.
When the cat goes away, mice reign.
Paka akitoka, panya wakaruka. RSP.110.
If the cat leaves, the rats jump.
A cruel ruler is better than no ruler. RSP.
Paka wakiondokea, panya tatumilikia. RSP.50.
When the cats are gone, the rats will rule us.
Young ambitious leaders are no better than the old traditional chiefs and elders. RSP.
Tatumilikia for watatumilikia or watatumaliki. MM.
3386. Safari ya mabwana, arusi ya maboi. KB.271.
The journey of the masters is like a wedding feast for the servants.
3387. Samaki anaogelea majini nayo maji yatamla. AL 1573.
The fish that swims in water will be eaten by the water.
A flatterer risks being exploited. AL.
3388. Samaki huanza kuoza kichwani. JK.122.
A fish begins to rot at its head.
When leaders are corrupt, the whole community will become corrupt. JK., MP.
Samaki inaoza kichwani. MP.226. 12.
The fish rots at the head.
3389. Serikali ina mkono mreful. RECH.471.
The government has a long arm.
There is no running away from it. Cf. #1411.
3390. Sheria haijui nguvu. NGU.
The law does not know force.
The law is impartial.
3391. Sheria haina kwao. KS, sheria; NGU.
The law has no home.
The law does not belong to any special group of people.
3392. Sheria iishapo dhuluma huanza. NGU.
Where law ends, violence starts,
Dhuluma: injustice, fraud, oppression, violence
3393. Sheria na chuma hazina huruma. RSP.57.
The law and iron [weapons] have no mercy. RSP.
3394. Sheria ni msumeno hukata huku na huku. KS, msumeno.
The law is like a saw, it cuts everywhere. Cf. #1431.
3397. Sikio halipitii kichwa. F.44.8; SWA.p.93; KB. 278; F., halipwani; AL 1564.
The ear does not surpass the head.
One ought to know one's place.
But also : Use your head, do not believe all you hear. The egg is not more clever than the hen. V.83.
The inferior does not surpass his superior. KB.
3399. Simba mla watu akiliwa, huwani? T.488; KA.
When a man-eating lion is devoured, what matters it?
Why be amazed if an evil person falls down.
3401. Sungura, bakia pembeni; tembo mwenye shindo apite. AL 698.
Hare, stay in the corner, let the elephant in heavy stride, pass by.
Wise people let the ambitious people pass.
3402. Tarumbeta ni mwenyewe. REK.
The trumpet is the master.
The trumpet is dominating and listened to.
3403. Toa amri, nawe upokee amri. EM t13.
Give orders and receive orders.
What you do to others, you should be ready to accept it, when it is done to you.
3404. Tunda lililokatazwa [linalokatazwa] ni tamu. NGU.
The forbidden fruit is sweet.
3405. Ubeberu - kama shetani. NGU.
Exploitation is work of the devil.
Ubeberu or ubepari: the state of exploitation
3406. Ubepari ni unyama. KS.
Exploitation is beastly.
3407. Ukiipata itumie: ukikosa ijutie. NS.15.
If you get it, use it; if you miss it, regret it.
This is said of people who become arrogant when in power; when they lose their power they'll get their due.
Ukipata kitumie, ukikosa jishukurie. SAM.24.5.
If you get it, use it; if you lack it, be patient in it.
Take the good with the evil.
3408. Ukitaka kusafiri, bwana-mwitu umkiri. RSP.135.
If you want to travel, pay due respect to the master o£ the wilderness. RSP.
3409. Ukiwa mkubwa jisahihisha mwenyewe. NGU.
If you are an important person, scrutinize your own behavior.
3410. Ukubwa ni jaa. MARA.71.
Greatness is like a rubbish hole.
Uongozi ni jalala. EM u23.
Leadership is like a rubbish pit.
Leadership is the place where rubbish is thrown; that is, all blames, insults and evils concerning an organization or business are levelled against its leader. EM.
3411. Ukuu si pembe kama mtu ataota. AL 687.
Greatness is not a horn that grows on the head of somebody.
It must be earned.
3412. Usigombeze upepo; njiwa aliyetandika vibaya. AL 1559.
Don't quarrel with the wind; it's the pigeon that landed badly.
It is dangerous to contest people in authority. AL.
3413. Usile kwa sahani ukasahau bunguu. KA.
Don't eat from a plate, and forgetting [that you were eating from] the earthen bowl. Cf. #925; #1661; #1438
3414. Usiogope mkubwa, ogopa ukubwa. NGU.
Don't be afraid of the person in charge, but fear to be in charge.
Ukubwa: greatness, power, grandeur, celebrity, renown.
3415. Usione simba kapigwa na mvua. KA.
Don't ignore a lion that has been caught in the rain.
The lion might shiver and look like a wet old dog, but it is still very dangerous. Don't look down on people who seemingly lost their power. Cf. #1721; #1719.
3416. Usisahau ubaharia kwa sababu ya unahodha. F.49. 39; SWA.28; H.107; JK.140.
Usisahau ubaharia kwa kupata unahodha. FSM.195.
Do not forget the lot of the seaman because [you are now] a captain.
Do not despise those who are beneath you. Cf.925.
3417. Utakwenda utarudi. AL 1551.
You'll go, [but] you'll come back.
Independence has a catch.
3418. Utii ni bora kuliko kafara. NGU.
Obedience is better than a sacrifice.
3419. Viovu vya bwana si vyema vya juma kitwana. SAM. 26.1; MS.190.
The bad things of the master are not the good things of Juma, the servant.
3420. Wakubwa humeza wadogo. KB.341.
The big ones eat the small ones.
3421. Wakubwa wadogo wana taabu. EM w10.
Big little people have difficult times.
If a small or little persons are put in charge they will have difficulties.
3422. Wali unaifokea sahani. AL 696.
The cooked rice is angry with the plate.
The subordinate is always angry in vain with his superior.
Foka: blurt out a rush of words, as in anger.
3425. Wewe jiwe mimi nazi. L.107; V.107.
You are the stone, I am the coconut.
I am helpless, you have the power to crush me. Cf. #1421, #1442.
3426. Wewe kisu, mimi nyama. NS.ll; WIKON.227i SWA.35; V.107, sisi nyama; SACL.404.
You are the knife, I am the meat. [Or: we are the meat]
It is your pleasure, I am at your mercy. Complaining is useless, you are too powerful.
3427. Yai litakuwa juu, la mamaye kuku kuu. RSP.36.
The egg will be on top of its mother, the big hen.
The next generation will try and teach their elders. RSP.
Yai lina[m]shauria kuku. AL, yai.
The egg advising the hen.
An inferior giving advice to a superior.
3428. Yenu hunuka, yetu hainuki. REK.
Yours smells bad, ours does not smell evil.
Sep 30, 2010
Defensive Dating (A Short Story....) Read, Laugh, Enjoy.
Ok I was a little bit unnerved. The prospects of the next few hours loomed as long and as forlorn as a winter weekend in Outer Mongolia. I turned to survey the door one more time, sipped my drink, looked at my watch and fingered my tie. Yes son, you are uncomfortable. So how did I get here?
I did not fall into this blind dating thing by accident. If it was a crash, it can only be because I took to the wheels drunk as bat. I found myself suddenly at age 24, bored and lonely. The post apocalyptic and anticlimactic end of a once sizzling romance had left me hard and dry. The complete collapse of this platform while welcome, left me with a desperate case of the rebounds, I needed to find love and fast. Drastic situations beget drastic measures, I started calling up all my old flames.
Alas, unfortunately for me, while I was building my love castle of sand, much of that flame had been extinguished. The ones that were still somewhat burning gave off such a faint glow even the owners were confused if it was actually a fire or a reflection from another space heater they had just recently started using. Dejected and feeling a little useless, I took to clubbing, bar hopping, local events gate crashing, you name it. I was the guy smiling at all any and every lady. “A lonely Wang does not chose dance partners”, is what I always say and if my guy was any lonelier, it would a solitary whale in the Northeast Pacific. I complimented all the ladies on their shoes, scarves, hand bags, hair, and fingernail polish ETC. whatever, it did not work. That slightly deranged look of despair coupled with a strong whiff of desperation does not make for good attraction cologne I tell you, but I needed to get laid, and fast. So I joined a church.
At service on the first Sunday, I vigorously danced and clapped. I waited for the pastor to ask new members to step forward and be identified. When it looked like they might forget, I danced, clapped and shout my amens’ with even more gusto. I signed up for the “singles” prayer meeting, the Thursday bible study and Friday night vigils. But the harder I worshipped, the more I felt that it was not right, I was there for the wrong reasons, it was bad enough that my soul was lost but I could not led another sheep astray as well, so I quit the church. I joined a rightwing activist group.
Yep, from now on, I was anti government, anti immigration, anti anti. We held a weekly rally meeting at the local bar, the chicks were not my usual type but who was complaining? I just needed them to pull down their knickers once in a while in between hating the government, the Jews, the blacks, the low income leaches and migrant foreign workers. The fact that I fell into three of the five categories never worried anyone least of all me. This was about politics not personal gratification! I need my female comrades’ to feel my frustration, as often as possible, if possible let my frustration spend the night. So every week I showed up at this bar and we met. They bitched about everything and everyone, shouted slogans and then hit the boozer, heavy. But no matter how drunk everyone got, they still would not let go! It was 24/7 with these folks. For the love of God! when do they switch off? Nope this was a bad plan, socially conscious partisans no matter how misguided, made for bad bedmates. That was when I called my aunt Lizzy.
Now, Aunt Liz fancied herself as somewhat of a matchmaker. The fact that she was colorblind and this was not in the “I don’t see race” kind of way either, has never stopped her from trying to connect two disjointed souls at right angles. Why, just last summer she hooked up my blind cousin with a one legged stripper, and it seemed to be going well. I had always been Aunt Liz’s fave. She always gave me extra helpings of her home made pumpkin pie, i wish she would stop making pies, i wish she would start buying from the store again. She listened as I explained the situation to her, she made sympathetic noises and told me not to worry, she had my back. That was incidentally when I really started to worry.
I did not fall into this blind dating thing by accident. If it was a crash, it can only be because I took to the wheels drunk as bat. I found myself suddenly at age 24, bored and lonely. The post apocalyptic and anticlimactic end of a once sizzling romance had left me hard and dry. The complete collapse of this platform while welcome, left me with a desperate case of the rebounds, I needed to find love and fast. Drastic situations beget drastic measures, I started calling up all my old flames.
Alas, unfortunately for me, while I was building my love castle of sand, much of that flame had been extinguished. The ones that were still somewhat burning gave off such a faint glow even the owners were confused if it was actually a fire or a reflection from another space heater they had just recently started using. Dejected and feeling a little useless, I took to clubbing, bar hopping, local events gate crashing, you name it. I was the guy smiling at all any and every lady. “A lonely Wang does not chose dance partners”, is what I always say and if my guy was any lonelier, it would a solitary whale in the Northeast Pacific. I complimented all the ladies on their shoes, scarves, hand bags, hair, and fingernail polish ETC. whatever, it did not work. That slightly deranged look of despair coupled with a strong whiff of desperation does not make for good attraction cologne I tell you, but I needed to get laid, and fast. So I joined a church.
At service on the first Sunday, I vigorously danced and clapped. I waited for the pastor to ask new members to step forward and be identified. When it looked like they might forget, I danced, clapped and shout my amens’ with even more gusto. I signed up for the “singles” prayer meeting, the Thursday bible study and Friday night vigils. But the harder I worshipped, the more I felt that it was not right, I was there for the wrong reasons, it was bad enough that my soul was lost but I could not led another sheep astray as well, so I quit the church. I joined a rightwing activist group.
Yep, from now on, I was anti government, anti immigration, anti anti. We held a weekly rally meeting at the local bar, the chicks were not my usual type but who was complaining? I just needed them to pull down their knickers once in a while in between hating the government, the Jews, the blacks, the low income leaches and migrant foreign workers. The fact that I fell into three of the five categories never worried anyone least of all me. This was about politics not personal gratification! I need my female comrades’ to feel my frustration, as often as possible, if possible let my frustration spend the night. So every week I showed up at this bar and we met. They bitched about everything and everyone, shouted slogans and then hit the boozer, heavy. But no matter how drunk everyone got, they still would not let go! It was 24/7 with these folks. For the love of God! when do they switch off? Nope this was a bad plan, socially conscious partisans no matter how misguided, made for bad bedmates. That was when I called my aunt Lizzy.
Now, Aunt Liz fancied herself as somewhat of a matchmaker. The fact that she was colorblind and this was not in the “I don’t see race” kind of way either, has never stopped her from trying to connect two disjointed souls at right angles. Why, just last summer she hooked up my blind cousin with a one legged stripper, and it seemed to be going well. I had always been Aunt Liz’s fave. She always gave me extra helpings of her home made pumpkin pie, i wish she would stop making pies, i wish she would start buying from the store again. She listened as I explained the situation to her, she made sympathetic noises and told me not to worry, she had my back. That was incidentally when I really started to worry.
Jun 24, 2010
ABJ
The plane dipped it’s wings around the hill and there it was, Abuja. It was still a growing little city with neither the sound and fury of Lagos nor the aggressive determination and hustle of Onitsha. Unique in its sense of self importance, it has grown considerably from its modest origins in a few amazingly short years. It has a culture that is entirely its own. In as much as Abuja believes its own inherent transformative powers, it still in awe of Lagos and that rare breed of indestructible humanity called Lagosians.
Few things make life more interesting than the unpredictability of sudden fabulous wealth, therein lies the entire premise of life in Abuja, you could go so far as to say that most people in the city live be the singular belief “anything can happen”.
Everybody believes that they are just one contract away from making into the big time, in a town where the 90% of the commerce is driven by government expenditure, it not inconceivable that a hard working hustler can go from zero to “I don hammer!” if they luck into the right government contract or become friends with people who are friends to people with the right contacts. Everybody believes; hopes springs eternal in this city. The only stories worth telling are legends of Titans whose empires seemingly sprung up over night. The myth of overnight success is a main stay here, it is what drives Abuja, here today, stinking rich tomorrow, baby.
Love the night life here though, there is nothing quite like eating a whole F*#&ing fish by yourself, it is just ridiculous the amount of time spent drinking beer, slurping goat head and generally living like chiefs. Yes, life here is one long display of conspicuous consumption after another. It is almost as if the primary aim each day is to lay waste to as much money as possible, probably in the mistaken assumption that somehow it will translate into respect; but then again, who is to say that it does not translate into envy?
There is an unspoken code to the wanton spending, roughly translated it would read something like “ I can spend like a crazy person all I want but please do not take me or my irrational binge behavior for granted”. The strength of relationships in Abuja is often based on the fact that people take everything at face value, there is neither the desire nor the inclination to delve deeper. Most times the “Efeezy” is all that matters, If you are spending recklessly it must be because you have it in excess, but somehow can’t possibly be true when everybody spends lavishly, all the time in ABJ.
Tangentially , how many people really have made it anyway? Americans have a saying “fake it, till you make it” Abuja has a lot of faking it, there is nothing wrong with admitting you are not there yet, but in a town where everybody wants to belong, few would admit to bellyaches even as the
grueling from their stomachs alerts the world to the true state of their finances. The culture of Oga this, Oga that, is so pervasive, everybody wants to be a movie star (i am using movie star as a euphemism for wealth) but nobody wants to be seen sweating to make it. Corruption is endemic in everything that is done in Abuja, every contract issued has kickbacks built into it, every service is overcharged but it is, what it is, a golden faux promise, still a growing city.
Few things make life more interesting than the unpredictability of sudden fabulous wealth, therein lies the entire premise of life in Abuja, you could go so far as to say that most people in the city live be the singular belief “anything can happen”.
Everybody believes that they are just one contract away from making into the big time, in a town where the 90% of the commerce is driven by government expenditure, it not inconceivable that a hard working hustler can go from zero to “I don hammer!” if they luck into the right government contract or become friends with people who are friends to people with the right contacts. Everybody believes; hopes springs eternal in this city. The only stories worth telling are legends of Titans whose empires seemingly sprung up over night. The myth of overnight success is a main stay here, it is what drives Abuja, here today, stinking rich tomorrow, baby.
Love the night life here though, there is nothing quite like eating a whole F*#&ing fish by yourself, it is just ridiculous the amount of time spent drinking beer, slurping goat head and generally living like chiefs. Yes, life here is one long display of conspicuous consumption after another. It is almost as if the primary aim each day is to lay waste to as much money as possible, probably in the mistaken assumption that somehow it will translate into respect; but then again, who is to say that it does not translate into envy?
There is an unspoken code to the wanton spending, roughly translated it would read something like “ I can spend like a crazy person all I want but please do not take me or my irrational binge behavior for granted”. The strength of relationships in Abuja is often based on the fact that people take everything at face value, there is neither the desire nor the inclination to delve deeper. Most times the “Efeezy” is all that matters, If you are spending recklessly it must be because you have it in excess, but somehow can’t possibly be true when everybody spends lavishly, all the time in ABJ.
Tangentially , how many people really have made it anyway? Americans have a saying “fake it, till you make it” Abuja has a lot of faking it, there is nothing wrong with admitting you are not there yet, but in a town where everybody wants to belong, few would admit to bellyaches even as the
grueling from their stomachs alerts the world to the true state of their finances. The culture of Oga this, Oga that, is so pervasive, everybody wants to be a movie star (i am using movie star as a euphemism for wealth) but nobody wants to be seen sweating to make it. Corruption is endemic in everything that is done in Abuja, every contract issued has kickbacks built into it, every service is overcharged but it is, what it is, a golden faux promise, still a growing city.
Mar 25, 2010
Bait and the fish.
His car rolled to a stop in front of me. He jumped out and strolled towards my direction. An engaging man with a hearty laugh, he laughed at everything. People would naturally gravitate to him; he spent with the abundant ease of someone who has always had money. There was a charm to his countenance that pulled you in; I imagined he was a lady killer.
I acted calm like I did this every day. Barely looking in my direction he handed me a bundle of notes in a wrapper. It was 10 large, I had never seen that kind of money before, I started to sweat lightly into my nightshirt. He was talking a lot, going over details, I was responding appropriately, I hoped. How was it possible to function on two totally divergent levels like this? Jeez, I was freaking the fuck out mentally but I was still holding what I think is a plausible conversation about the peculiarities of this transaction. I wanted to be left alone, to understand this moment, to wallow in the pleasure I felt from the tight bundle in my pocket. But I realized that any show of not having been here before would torpedo this, right here, right now. I could not let that happen, I have to continue to hold it together. He stopped talking briefly; looked me in the eye and asked if I was up to this? I reaffirmed that I was; and just like that he was gone. For a minute I stood there shaking, TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING, KIDDING ME!
I burst through the door, wood chips from the shattered door flew in all directions, huddled the coffee table, that was in the middle of the room, my eyes instantly scanning the large windows to my left. As my head started its sweeping arc towards the French windows, I knew instinctively that I was not alone, I could feel and hear the swishing sound of the club, and then an explosion hit the back of my head, just behind my left ear. I fall straight through, into the rising darkness without another sound. I slowly became aware of the light, my throbbing head seemed to be expanding and contracting too rapidly for me to be able to get my bearings, I try to deduce what was going on around me. The light was burning a hole through my eye lids, I could hear his voice in the background, calmly giving orders to someone , I try to focus on the source but the light is too strong, I can’t see past a couple of feet or so. Strangely what I feel is not fear or remorse but regret, I knew I was over, my train was pulling into its final station, the very last stop, on what has frankly been a disastrous journey.
I acted calm like I did this every day. Barely looking in my direction he handed me a bundle of notes in a wrapper. It was 10 large, I had never seen that kind of money before, I started to sweat lightly into my nightshirt. He was talking a lot, going over details, I was responding appropriately, I hoped. How was it possible to function on two totally divergent levels like this? Jeez, I was freaking the fuck out mentally but I was still holding what I think is a plausible conversation about the peculiarities of this transaction. I wanted to be left alone, to understand this moment, to wallow in the pleasure I felt from the tight bundle in my pocket. But I realized that any show of not having been here before would torpedo this, right here, right now. I could not let that happen, I have to continue to hold it together. He stopped talking briefly; looked me in the eye and asked if I was up to this? I reaffirmed that I was; and just like that he was gone. For a minute I stood there shaking, TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING, KIDDING ME!
I burst through the door, wood chips from the shattered door flew in all directions, huddled the coffee table, that was in the middle of the room, my eyes instantly scanning the large windows to my left. As my head started its sweeping arc towards the French windows, I knew instinctively that I was not alone, I could feel and hear the swishing sound of the club, and then an explosion hit the back of my head, just behind my left ear. I fall straight through, into the rising darkness without another sound. I slowly became aware of the light, my throbbing head seemed to be expanding and contracting too rapidly for me to be able to get my bearings, I try to deduce what was going on around me. The light was burning a hole through my eye lids, I could hear his voice in the background, calmly giving orders to someone , I try to focus on the source but the light is too strong, I can’t see past a couple of feet or so. Strangely what I feel is not fear or remorse but regret, I knew I was over, my train was pulling into its final station, the very last stop, on what has frankly been a disastrous journey.
Mar 10, 2010
03.10.2010
Somehow I always manage to lie down on the only needle in the haystack.
A confusing run of misfortune that just might be the result of severe lack of preparation on my part.
Or is it my extremely poor coordination, inaccurate forecasting or just plain dumb, bad luck.
Whatever the cause, I need to make adjustments quick or become a cautionary tale, another spent arrow that missed it’s mark.
I seem to have cornered the market on finding the delusional, a giant ball of unawareness walking around to the sound track from flash dance, completely out of tune to the world and the reality me.
No I am not angel but I also can’t seem to shake the feeling that in this game of cards, someone keeps dealing me hands from the bottom of the pile.
Every hand I play, is a high risk gamble.
No safe bets , it’s either all in or fold.
Like a dog chasing it tail, I just might be on a fool’s errand.
I need to redefine my universe or risk falling into the blackness of my own space.
I pray for peace, even as the storm in my soul braces for a hurricane.
Judge not, lest ye be judged even more harshly.
A confusing run of misfortune that just might be the result of severe lack of preparation on my part.
Or is it my extremely poor coordination, inaccurate forecasting or just plain dumb, bad luck.
Whatever the cause, I need to make adjustments quick or become a cautionary tale, another spent arrow that missed it’s mark.
I seem to have cornered the market on finding the delusional, a giant ball of unawareness walking around to the sound track from flash dance, completely out of tune to the world and the reality me.
No I am not angel but I also can’t seem to shake the feeling that in this game of cards, someone keeps dealing me hands from the bottom of the pile.
Every hand I play, is a high risk gamble.
No safe bets , it’s either all in or fold.
Like a dog chasing it tail, I just might be on a fool’s errand.
I need to redefine my universe or risk falling into the blackness of my own space.
I pray for peace, even as the storm in my soul braces for a hurricane.
Judge not, lest ye be judged even more harshly.
Feb 21, 2010
Another perfect day in heaven
Yep! It’s another perfect day in Heaven. This will make it the 1,649, 800, 000, 000, 000th day without a cloud in the sky, any snow on the ground, a tsunami or any of that nonsense that bothers the poor souls down there on earth. This being Heaven, we have always had the galaxies as our carpet, there is always light, there is no shortage of anything and everybody here is well behaved, even tempered and nice, what a wonderful place!
Oh it wasn’t always so nice, there was that time when Lucifer formed an army and tried to overthrow the government, and those were dark days indeed. Thank god for the bravery of angel Gabriel and the heavenly hosts (which is not to be confused with “ The Heavenly hostesses” massage parlor on the corner of Broadway and Houston, that place was opened by Eve after she returned from the garden of Eden). But that was then and this is now, and today, like every other day up here, everything is perfect. All the mansions up here are built from recyclable everlasting materials, because this is Heaven. We try to keep everyone happy, even those hippie tree huggers, they are also God’s children (even though I have my doubts about that, there is that little rumor about that time some angels went down to earth and fathered a race of giants, whose descendants later turned up in California but this is Heaven and we do not say such things).
Here in Heaven, you can think and project your thoughts into the stream of thoughts super database where everyone can read all thoughts, although the service tends to be spotty because it is being managed by Sprint. There has been a passionate debate lately on the merits of switching carriers to maybe T Mobile.
Yes we are in Heaven, population….., however many people have lived on earth less the ones that were really cruel to animals, less the Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, and Hari krismas, in fact less everyone but themselves if you go by the Christian heavenly population calculator or If you are from the Islamic paradise population computation school of thought then that number would be much larger. They use a more liberal permutation based on the acceptance that others besides their esteemed selves can be counted as legal occupants of heaven.
Here in Heaven everybody lives according to their beliefs when they were alive on earth. The Neanderthals never worshiped anything, did not care to have a defined social structure and were only accepted into heaven on a technicality (something about how they were also God’s creations and deserved their place at his side). Ever since they were accepted in, the Baboons, Gorillas and Chimpanzees have all put in formal requests to be granted exceptions based on the same rules that were used in the Neanderthalian hearings, these cases are still pending.
Anyway, the happiest people up here are the Muslims ( But bear in mind everybody up here is happy and that happiness is relative and that this does not mean that the Muslims are walking around giddy as if on ecstasy,….. on second thoughts, it does mean that the Muslims are enjoying a state of happiness whose only description can be called giddiness, OK they are giddy.), reason being they are only ones allowed any kind of carnal interests, in fact the lucky ones with the right papers and proper qualification can apply to be assigned seven consorts. The Christians put up a brave face about all of this, after all on earth, they had professed themselves to be pious hence above such trivial interests but secretly they wish things were a little different.
This morning at breakfast during the sharing of manna and honey (oh yes, manna and honey is shared for lunch and dinner as well), it was suggested that an excursion be organized to hell, to see how the other half was living these days. There was a loud murmur of approval; it has been awhile since anyone took a field trip.
Oh it wasn’t always so nice, there was that time when Lucifer formed an army and tried to overthrow the government, and those were dark days indeed. Thank god for the bravery of angel Gabriel and the heavenly hosts (which is not to be confused with “ The Heavenly hostesses” massage parlor on the corner of Broadway and Houston, that place was opened by Eve after she returned from the garden of Eden). But that was then and this is now, and today, like every other day up here, everything is perfect. All the mansions up here are built from recyclable everlasting materials, because this is Heaven. We try to keep everyone happy, even those hippie tree huggers, they are also God’s children (even though I have my doubts about that, there is that little rumor about that time some angels went down to earth and fathered a race of giants, whose descendants later turned up in California but this is Heaven and we do not say such things).
Here in Heaven, you can think and project your thoughts into the stream of thoughts super database where everyone can read all thoughts, although the service tends to be spotty because it is being managed by Sprint. There has been a passionate debate lately on the merits of switching carriers to maybe T Mobile.
Yes we are in Heaven, population….., however many people have lived on earth less the ones that were really cruel to animals, less the Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, and Hari krismas, in fact less everyone but themselves if you go by the Christian heavenly population calculator or If you are from the Islamic paradise population computation school of thought then that number would be much larger. They use a more liberal permutation based on the acceptance that others besides their esteemed selves can be counted as legal occupants of heaven.
Here in Heaven everybody lives according to their beliefs when they were alive on earth. The Neanderthals never worshiped anything, did not care to have a defined social structure and were only accepted into heaven on a technicality (something about how they were also God’s creations and deserved their place at his side). Ever since they were accepted in, the Baboons, Gorillas and Chimpanzees have all put in formal requests to be granted exceptions based on the same rules that were used in the Neanderthalian hearings, these cases are still pending.
Anyway, the happiest people up here are the Muslims ( But bear in mind everybody up here is happy and that happiness is relative and that this does not mean that the Muslims are walking around giddy as if on ecstasy,….. on second thoughts, it does mean that the Muslims are enjoying a state of happiness whose only description can be called giddiness, OK they are giddy.), reason being they are only ones allowed any kind of carnal interests, in fact the lucky ones with the right papers and proper qualification can apply to be assigned seven consorts. The Christians put up a brave face about all of this, after all on earth, they had professed themselves to be pious hence above such trivial interests but secretly they wish things were a little different.
This morning at breakfast during the sharing of manna and honey (oh yes, manna and honey is shared for lunch and dinner as well), it was suggested that an excursion be organized to hell, to see how the other half was living these days. There was a loud murmur of approval; it has been awhile since anyone took a field trip.
Feb 10, 2010
Some perspective required
Permit me to try and entertain you for the next, .. Oh, however long it takes you read this. This is going to be the literary equivalent of a magic show. There will be things you see, that you can’t comprehend, things that befuddle and amaze you. You will find yourself knocked back into your chair saying; “oh no you d’in”. What I will be performing for your reading pleasure today, is an old sleight of hand trick, oops.., did I say trick? I meant magic (trick). Do not be alarmed by anything you feel or read, while this intended to be all kinds of delicious, there will appear to be a diabolical bend to the proceedings that might be hard for the weak minded to stomach. You are allowed to stand and applaud but you can’t touch the props or ask how it was done. There are trade secrets involved here, skills acquired from spending countless hours at the bar; and you have view only rights. Please do not attempt this at home and If had any small print I would read it to you or at least I would have encouraged you to read it before you proceed any further. In the absence of this, permit me to quote you some Latin instead, “Stultorum infinitus est numerous”. Certain aspects of this will make you angry and but it is also funny, so that kind of balances it out beautifully. Yes since this was intended for matured audiences only, you have to be over the age of 18 to swim in these murky waters. Please be aware that while this is age neutral material, age appropriateness’ is subject to the intended proper use of this material. The objectivity of the writer cannot be relied on or determined beforehand. Please remain seated throughout, turn off your cell phones and try to concentrate on the action on the page. I intend to proceed very quickly and will not be stopping to accommodate you slow pokes out there. This is strictly intended for the nimble minded; if you find yourself tuning out at any point, recognize that was the point where the script evolved past your level. Now on to the show, I need you to lean forward slightly,… closer, …closer still, until your nose is almost touching the monitor, hold it there for two minutes. Now skip to the bottom of this page and continue.
There, did you feel foolish doing that? You certainly looked very foolish sitting there with your face pressed up against the computer screen. Hopefully nobody walked by and saw you doing that or they would think you were “LOSING IT”. Well as promised it was a trick and you might not be too happy but you were warned beforehand. A small practical lesson on blindly following instructions, always ask why. Oh, and that Latin quote from earlier; it means “Infinite is the number of fools”.
Edu Nnadi
Feb 9, 2010
Jobs you don't want
This is mostly for the benefit of my “unaffiliated” friends, for the esoteric, this is an obvious one. Beware of the three hour job that pays $5K a month. Em…., it is not real. This has been out there for a while now, along with the lottery I won in England and the $5,000,000.00 Toyota was giving away in Hong Kong but if I am still getting these, that means it is still working for the scammers that send them out, hence the warning. Even if nothing else, please pay heed to the language of the bogus offer, it’s all you need to tip you off.
And while we are on this topic, there are no Nigerian princes with millions of dollars to stash or crude oil procurement leases to sell and please in the name of God do not cash any over paid checks which requests you wire the difference.
Good time of a day dear Mr. NNADI ! -Em... yeah, whatever, but go on.
Our HR managers found your curriculum vitae on the Ladders. They looked through your curriculum vitae and work experience and highly recommends you for this work in our organization because your data is consistent with our requirements. We’d like to offer you a position of an Freelancer in our organization. - Freelance what?
The given work consists of the following tasks:
- actual filing of reports on the carried out work - If this were legitimate, it would be cheaper to use a temp agency.
- record keeping of customers in the USA. - Same as above.
- business partners information support - Only God knows what this means, is it the same as customer service support or are we talking Database management or Is it Tech support?
- fulfillment of financial transactions on the territory of the USA - All over the USA? I would like to see their budget. Obviously they are using an auto filler to plug in the country, "territory of the USA"?
You will receive more detailed instructions during an interview over the phone. -
Person specification :
- Age: starting from 25 - Age discrimination is against the law in the US, can't happen.
- Citizenship: US
- Time: must have from 3 to 5 hours of free time a day for carrying out his/her obligations. Payment for this work makes up to 5000USD per month. The payment will be carried out to your transaction account every month. There are many hunters willing to take up this vacancy therefore we’re kindly asking you not to delay with your decision about this work. - If there are that many people willing to do this job, why are they sending out emails to anonymous people that did not apply for the job?
If this work is interesting to you, then please follow these steps:
1) Register at our web-site. To do so click on this link . Please fill out every field correctly, since data will be checked by our security department. - Please do not do any such thing, your "data" is all they want from you.
2) Pass an interview over the phone.- Will never happen, nobody is calling you, if they do, it is to complete the scam.
3) Sign a contract with our organization. - How? Over the phone?
4) Send the signed contract via fax or email.- Right, employment by proxy i guess?
With best regards HR department of InterWeb Exchange
We’re looking forward to a long-term cooperation. - InterWeb exchange, how phony is that?
Edu Nnadi
And while we are on this topic, there are no Nigerian princes with millions of dollars to stash or crude oil procurement leases to sell and please in the name of God do not cash any over paid checks which requests you wire the difference.
Good time of a day dear Mr. NNADI ! -Em... yeah, whatever, but go on.
Our HR managers found your curriculum vitae on the Ladders. They looked through your curriculum vitae and work experience and highly recommends you for this work in our organization because your data is consistent with our requirements. We’d like to offer you a position of an Freelancer in our organization. - Freelance what?
The given work consists of the following tasks:
- actual filing of reports on the carried out work - If this were legitimate, it would be cheaper to use a temp agency.
- record keeping of customers in the USA. - Same as above.
- business partners information support - Only God knows what this means, is it the same as customer service support or are we talking Database management or Is it Tech support?
- fulfillment of financial transactions on the territory of the USA - All over the USA? I would like to see their budget. Obviously they are using an auto filler to plug in the country, "territory of the USA"?
You will receive more detailed instructions during an interview over the phone. -
Person specification :
- Age: starting from 25 - Age discrimination is against the law in the US, can't happen.
- Citizenship: US
- Time: must have from 3 to 5 hours of free time a day for carrying out his/her obligations. Payment for this work makes up to 5000USD per month. The payment will be carried out to your transaction account every month. There are many hunters willing to take up this vacancy therefore we’re kindly asking you not to delay with your decision about this work. - If there are that many people willing to do this job, why are they sending out emails to anonymous people that did not apply for the job?
If this work is interesting to you, then please follow these steps:
1) Register at our web-site. To do so click on this link . Please fill out every field correctly, since data will be checked by our security department. - Please do not do any such thing, your "data" is all they want from you.
2) Pass an interview over the phone.- Will never happen, nobody is calling you, if they do, it is to complete the scam.
3) Sign a contract with our organization. - How? Over the phone?
4) Send the signed contract via fax or email.- Right, employment by proxy i guess?
With best regards HR department of InterWeb Exchange
We’re looking forward to a long-term cooperation. - InterWeb exchange, how phony is that?
Edu Nnadi
Feb 3, 2010
Social Butterfly
So I logged into my Spacebook or is it Myface to see what was up with all my “friends” but encountered all kinds of weirdness, i promptly logged out again before I succumbed to the stupidity and told everybody my status. I know, I know, checking the status of your “friends” four or five times a day has become a way of life and you can’t imagine life without knowing that Festus says “this is it”. But when did we become such fans of madness? Random sentences made without context often left like vomit on the sidewalk for dogs to consume. There is certain arrogance and over inflated sense of self-worth that make us assume that our “friends” are interested in knowing “I just left the comfy chair”. The sins of the fathers are no longer visited on the children but on the 547 friends who must wake up to your live feeds. Everybody is a fan of something, sometimes it is not enough to be a friend of someone, you also have to be a fan to their business, join their group and link to their blogs. Do not forget that you have the option to “Like This” or that, without having to ever bother explaining what it is you find so likable. Social networking is a lot like prostitution, you can’t be a part-timer, once you start, you are in. The joy of the new age, the exhilaration of discovering people from your past, whom you thought were beyond your sphere of contact forever; suddenly only a friend request away, has been replaced by the need to remind your “friends” you still exist. Someone once told me status updates is alot like walking around shouting random sentences at the crowd on a street corner. I could not agree more, I plead guilty as charged though, I have given in to the compulsive urge before myself many many times,.. unfortunately. Having used the anonymity of our new village square to make unnecessary and mostly uninformative noises in the process of updating my status, I have become an internet vagabond, trolling cyber space in search of …… what? I am not sure exactly, could it be validation, applause or condemnation? Certainly can’t be last, but all three are available in abundant supply on the internet. My day is only as productive as the times when I am not online trying to elicit a reaction from strangers, validation is the now measured by page views, click counts and retarded comments associated to my sometimes fantastically mediocre writing. John the Baptist preaching in the desert managed to gather an audience, makes you wonder if the people were initially attracted by the spectacle of a wild eyed man talking to himself or the indisputable truth of his message. It is the same question that I have for people with 1000 friends, is it the rodeo or the clown? One of them is the reason for the infection. And all these pictures with only you in it, why is it necessary? Picture after picture, of you staring into the same empty space. Sometimes the pictures are sideways, you know, the ones you take….. of yourself with your phone? Why do you feel the need to share this with your “friends”? Some of these pictures would qualify as low grade porn, but it is important you post them to your web-page; you just know everybody wants to see them. “Everything in moderation” except for our hourly status updates which should be as outrageous and as loud as we can make them; because you see, we need the attention. I am a little tired of people that pose rhetorical questions to themselves, with the hope that their “friends” will jump in for a swim in the muddy waters of silly question meets silly person. We seem willing to indulge each other to no end, arms joined at the elbows; we have formed a giant link pulling each other, maybe even the human race into the sewers of intellectual debasement. Yes, finally, please stop sending your “friends” electronic bear hugs, they are completely useless.
Edu Nnadi
Edu Nnadi
Jan 29, 2010
Dogs In Camouflage
From: GeNS@gtbank.com
Subject: Customer Security Alert...
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:13:12 -0800
Dear Guaranty Trust Bank Customer,
Your access to Online Service has been suspended due to a mis-match of access code between your Security details. To enable you continue accessing your online account, it will only take you few minutes to re-activate your account. Click on the guide-link below and follow the directions to instant activation of your account and Security information
https://gtbplc.com/customer.ibc?WT.svl=ibcplogon
*Important*
NOTE: FAILURE CAN RESULT TO PERMANENT ACCOUNT SUSPENSION.
P. R. JOHN
Security Advisor
Guaranty Trust Bank © 2010.
Can you spot all that is wrong with this fraudulent notice?
I post this not to brandish some sort of superior skills in technical writing but to point out flaws that should alert you, if you ever get one of these messages asking you to follow a link somewhere to update your information.
1. "NOTE: FAILURE CAN RESULT TO PERMANENT ACCOUNT SUSPENSION" – This does not make any sense even in Afghanistan. Why would your failure to respond to an online notice result in permanent suspension of your account?
2. "Your access to Online Service has been suspended due to a mis-match of access code between your Security details." – A. The grammar is wrong, B. The supposed error is technically impossible.
3. "To enable you continue accessing your online account, it will only take you few minutes to re-activate your account."– The first part of the sentence has nothing to do with the second part. The writer started out thinking one thing and then jumped to something else, without completing the first thought. Plus, If there is a mismatch (note: not mis-match), then what are they comparing it against? The bad code or the wrong data?
4. Click on the guide-link below and follow the directions to instant activation of your account and Security information - I bet they meant to say "instantly reactivate" and would it not be reactivate since your account was "active" before?
Edu Nnadi
Subject: Customer Security Alert...
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:13:12 -0800
Dear Guaranty Trust Bank Customer,
Your access to Online Service has been suspended due to a mis-match of access code between your Security details. To enable you continue accessing your online account, it will only take you few minutes to re-activate your account. Click on the guide-link below and follow the directions to instant activation of your account and Security information
https://gtbplc.com/customer.ibc?WT.svl=ibcplogon
*Important*
NOTE: FAILURE CAN RESULT TO PERMANENT ACCOUNT SUSPENSION.
P. R. JOHN
Security Advisor
Guaranty Trust Bank © 2010.
Can you spot all that is wrong with this fraudulent notice?
I post this not to brandish some sort of superior skills in technical writing but to point out flaws that should alert you, if you ever get one of these messages asking you to follow a link somewhere to update your information.
1. "NOTE: FAILURE CAN RESULT TO PERMANENT ACCOUNT SUSPENSION" – This does not make any sense even in Afghanistan. Why would your failure to respond to an online notice result in permanent suspension of your account?
2. "Your access to Online Service has been suspended due to a mis-match of access code between your Security details." – A. The grammar is wrong, B. The supposed error is technically impossible.
3. "To enable you continue accessing your online account, it will only take you few minutes to re-activate your account."– The first part of the sentence has nothing to do with the second part. The writer started out thinking one thing and then jumped to something else, without completing the first thought. Plus, If there is a mismatch (note: not mis-match), then what are they comparing it against? The bad code or the wrong data?
4. Click on the guide-link below and follow the directions to instant activation of your account and Security information - I bet they meant to say "instantly reactivate" and would it not be reactivate since your account was "active" before?
Edu Nnadi
Jan 15, 2010
Haiti
What is one supposed to make of these pictures of broken bodies and wretched space? Sometimes carnage of this scale is hard to grasp. The immediacy of the suffering and pain is diluted by distance and the lens of a camera. I feel helpless, paralyze be the sheer scale of the devastation, the sad look in the face of the children juxtaposed besides the forlorn stare of the adults. All the pictures show bodies, bodies everywhere, under cars, buildings, all kinds of boulders, everybody is wearing a coat of white dust. Catastrophic events always serve to demonstrate the smallness of man in the universe of things, they serve to show the uselessness of our everyday pursuits in the face of true events of unimaginable proportions. The dead lie there, with their dreams intact, progress broken forever by the harsh faith of the unlucky, but in times like this you are best served by saving your tears and prayers for the living. They must continue to try and make sense of the hopelessness around them, they must continue the journey, they must pick up the completely shattered threads of their former lives and go on living. The hundreds of millions of dollars you are sending will hopefully buy clothes and provisions but it I will not bring back friends and families, these lives are forever scarred, changed forever in mere minutes. Say a prayer for the dead, spare a coin for the living. Last week those bodies on the floor had plans and today…….,
Jan 10, 2010
Is There Anything We Will Not Do For Money?
Via Time Magazine: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1952335,00.html
For a South African victim of human trafficking, this was the endgame. On a freezing night last July, Sindiswa, 17, lay curled in a fetal position in bed No. 7 of a state-run hospice in central Bloemfontein. Well-used fly strips hung between fluorescent lights, pale blue paint flaked off the walls, and fresh blood stained her sheets, the rusty bedpost and the linoleum floor. Sindiswa had full-blown AIDS and tuberculosis, and she was three months pregnant. Sweat poured from her forehead as she whispered her story through parched lips covered with sores. A few blocks away, the roars of rugby fans erupted from Free State Stadium. In June the roars will be from fans of the World Cup.
For a South African victim of human trafficking, this was the endgame. On a freezing night last July, Sindiswa, 17, lay curled in a fetal position in bed No. 7 of a state-run hospice in central Bloemfontein. Well-used fly strips hung between fluorescent lights, pale blue paint flaked off the walls, and fresh blood stained her sheets, the rusty bedpost and the linoleum floor. Sindiswa had full-blown AIDS and tuberculosis, and she was three months pregnant. Sweat poured from her forehead as she whispered her story through parched lips covered with sores. A few blocks away, the roars of rugby fans erupted from Free State Stadium. In June the roars will be from fans of the World Cup.
Sindiswa's family was one of the poorest families in Indwe, the poorest district in Eastern Cape, one of the poorest provinces in South Africa. Ninety-five percent of the residents of her township fall below the poverty line, more than a quarter have HIV, and most survive by clinging to government grants. Orphaned at 16, she had to leave school to support herself. Last February, a woman from a neighboring town offered to find work for her and her 15-year-old best friend, Elizabeth, who, like Sindiswa, was poor but was also desperate to escape her violent older sister. (I have changed Elizabeth's name to protect her identity.)
After driving them eight hours north to Bloemfontein, the recruiter sold them to a Nigerian drug and human-trafficking syndicate in exchange for $120 and crack cocaine. "[The recruiter] said we could find a job," Sindiswa recalled, "but as soon as we got here, she told us, 'No. You have to go into the streets and sell yourselves.'" The buyer, Jude, forced them into prostitution on the streets of central Bloemfontein for 12 straight hours every night. Each morning, he collected their earnings — Sindiswa averaged $40 per night; Elizabeth, $65. Elizabeth tried to escape three times, once absconding for several weeks. Jude always found her or used Sindiswa as a hostage to lure her back, then enlisted an enforcer named Rasta to beat her.
It is unclear if Sindiswa contracted HIV before or after she was sold, but some of her clients didn't use condoms. She was diagnosed with the virus only a week before I met her. When she was too sick to stand and thus useless as a slave, Jude had thrown her onto the street. Nurses expected her to die within days.
Despite more than a dozen international conventions banning slavery in the past 150 years, there are more slaves today than at any point in human history. Slaves are those forced to perform services for no pay beyond subsistence and for the profit of others who hold them through fraud and violence. While most are held in debt bondage in the poorest regions of South Asia, some are trafficked in the midst of thriving development. Such is the case here in Africa's wealthiest country, the host of this year's World Cup. While South Africa invests billions to prepare its infrastructure for the half-million visitors expected to attend, tens of thousands of children have become ensnared in sexual slavery, and those who profit from their abuse are also preparing for the tournament. During a three-week investigation into human-trafficking syndicates operating near two stadiums, I found a lucrative trade in child sex. The children, sold for as little as $45, can earn more than $600 per night for their captors. "I'm really looking forward to doing more business during the World Cup," said a trafficker. We were speaking at his base overlooking Port Elizabeth's new Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium. Already, he had done brisk business among the stadium's construction workers.
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1952335,00.html#ixzz0cFkEnxPm
Jan 8, 2010
Spoken But Never Written
So you wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror, you are disgust with what you have become. What happened to that good looking person you used to be? “How did these tires get to the back of my head?” You ask no one in particular. “Oh my God, I have developed choppers!”, you think. Despite or to spite the ugliness in the mirror, you start your day with ten big balls of akra, a bowl of akamu with powdered milk and sugar. You are very unhappy with Mama Theresa, “dis woman wan carry food kill me”, “ wich kin mountain of food be dis?” But as you get up to leave the table nothing is left, your stomach is very happy but your mind is upset. As oga you leave the plate on the table, somebody will clear it, it gives you a small measure of satisfaction that it will piss off Mama Theresa when she comes around to clear the table and do the dishes. Serves her right, always serving you heavy food in the morning. By the way where is that boy? “LEVINUS!, SIR! He yells back, “Can’t you see that I running late, it is more of a statement than a question, he knows better than to respond to that. Oya, go warm the car and bring me my briefcase. You hear keys jiggling as he starts flying down the stairs, Levy loves to warm the car, you suspect that he even drives it from time to time, you make a mental note to set a trap for the rascal. Speaking of which, where in Ejebu is Mama Theresa? Chei, you have suffered in this house, I guess they now expect you to lie out your own clothes. Ehhh… wonders shall never end.
MAMA THESERA, MAMA THERESA! IF I CALL YOU AGAIN, THIS HOUSE WILL NOT CONTAIN THE TWO OF US O! you yell. “Gbaborun!, “why you dey shout”,” why you dey shout” she repeats,” abi you think sey na slave you buy put for house?”” I bin dey downstairs dey fetch water,” “Na wetin you want?” Immediately you can tell she is in a bad mood, if you want to go to work this morning, it might be a good idea to thread softly. In a much softer tone, you ask if she has laid out your Agbada for you already? She murmurs something under her breathe and spins around on her heels, heading for the bedroom. As you watch her walk away, your eyes are drawn to the violent side to side motion of her yansh, Almost without warning you feel blood surging through your kini, you are aroused. Feigning anger, you storm after her into the bedroom,you pretend to slam the door shut in anger. You reach out to her with you left hand while with your right, you start to loosen your wrapper “wetin dey worry you sef?” “everytime na so so harassment for this house”. “Oya, come siddon near me for this bed I wan talk to you”……………
MAMA THESERA, MAMA THERESA! IF I CALL YOU AGAIN, THIS HOUSE WILL NOT CONTAIN THE TWO OF US O! you yell. “Gbaborun!, “why you dey shout”,” why you dey shout” she repeats,” abi you think sey na slave you buy put for house?”” I bin dey downstairs dey fetch water,” “Na wetin you want?” Immediately you can tell she is in a bad mood, if you want to go to work this morning, it might be a good idea to thread softly. In a much softer tone, you ask if she has laid out your Agbada for you already? She murmurs something under her breathe and spins around on her heels, heading for the bedroom. As you watch her walk away, your eyes are drawn to the violent side to side motion of her yansh, Almost without warning you feel blood surging through your kini, you are aroused. Feigning anger, you storm after her into the bedroom,you pretend to slam the door shut in anger. You reach out to her with you left hand while with your right, you start to loosen your wrapper “wetin dey worry you sef?” “everytime na so so harassment for this house”. “Oya, come siddon near me for this bed I wan talk to you”……………
Dec 29, 2009
Feeling Blue, Seeing Red.
I always believed true intelligence was the ability to see both sides of a complex issue, the ability to understand the strengths of the other side’s arguments but still be able to justify your own position based on the irrefutable logic that formed the basis of your decision. Recent events have opened my eyes to certain undeniable truths about Republicans. I believe in the values of the Democratic Party with a passion that belies my lack of active involvement in the party but I am beginning to have an appreciation and maybe even some admiration for the tenacious ferocity of the republican opposition. Remember this was a party (the Republicans) that was in disarray just 12 months ago, after being handed their asses in an electoral beat down of near epic proportions. Republicans were reeling from the incredibly awful Bush presidency; also they oversaw eight years of wanton greed and unprecedented public spending. To cap things off, the democratic candidate was a once in a lifetime transformative figure whose message of change from the corruption and ineptitude of the previous administrations resonated everywhere. He was going to bring a new way of doing business to Washington
The first salvo and in many ways the spine of this opposition, was formed by one man, a controversial, somewhat racial conservative radio shock jock with a history of outspoken (depending on interpretation, and in my opinion) bigoted views. Rush Limbaugh was the first conservative to voice what they were all thinking when he said “ I hope he fails” back in January. It was hardly a unique sentiment and in the grand scheme of things was an inconsequential statement from a man with a history of making politically insensitive comments at the most inopportune times, but it had the unforeseen effect of giving voice and strength to a fledging opposition reeling from a series of bad defeats. Not long after that the Sean Hannity’s of the world stumbled onto the fact that within the smoldering ruins of the republican movement that was a strong and dogmatic core that was willing to go to far lengths to show their displeasure at the recent turn of events. Within months the conservatives had rallied around the tea parties, opposition to the bailouts, originally started under Bush if I must mention but I digress, the opposition rebranded itself from Republicans to Conservatives. Republicans you see were part of the problem. They were part of the causes of the previous mess and spent as recklessly as the conservatives are currently accusing the Democrats’ of spending. Conservatives on the other hand were all for fiscal responsibility, balanced budgets, lowering federal deficit spending and reducing the debt burden. Conveniently forgotten were the incredible liberties afforded large corporations and wealthy individuals during the reign of the recent past Republican congress. Somehow despite the fact that the play was still being acted on the same stage with the same cast of actors, we were supposed to focus on the fact that the scenery is different and act like we do not know the plot to this particular bit of chicanery.
Since then Republican opposition to every democratic imitative has only grown more dogged and entrenched. Obama was for Chicago winning the bid to host the 2016 Olympics, Republicans were for any city, anywhere but Chicago , proving their hate for Obama was stronger than their love for America
Dec 26, 2009
New Beginning
Edu Nnadi
Dec 4, 2009
Words and Phrases From 2009
1. Twit – A waste of 140 characters.
2. Stimulus Package – Used by married couples to entertain themselves after dinner.
3. Bail Out – You know the call. It’s me, Fred, I’m in jail……..
4. Socialized Medicine – Experienced by guests at “puff, puff, pass” parties.
5. Obamacare – Much better than Obama don’t care, I tell you that.
6. Unfriend – When you stop seeing your "friend's" status updates in Facebook, you have been....
7. Recession – Happens to most men’s hair line after 30.
8. Blue Dog – Security dog that prevents the owner from entering or leaving the house.
9. Health Insurance Reform – Much like the “Reformed Catholic Church” most of the difference between that and the old insurance law lies in the semantics.
10. Bing – Useful if you can’t spell Google.
11. Swine Flu – A good excuse for any occasion.
12. Deficit Spending – A good example would a any mortgage payment made on Nevada real estate.
13. Bonus – Shared by bankers in the dead of night at a candle light meeting.
14. Too Large To Fail – A non performing member while with a willing spouse.
15. Public Option – The only option after your vehicle has been repossessed.
16. Foreclosure – Much like foreplay, it is the beginning of more interesting things to come.
17. Tweeter – Not to be mistaken for a twitter, immediately informs you the idiot has no idea what they are talking about.
18. Cash For Clunkers – All monies spent on your ex.
19. Peace Prize – Bought on the way home from the bar.
20. Kim Jong il – Elder brother to Menta lly il (Hat tip to Letterman for that piece right there).
There, that’s all of it, did I miss any?
2. Stimulus Package – Used by married couples to entertain themselves after dinner.
3. Bail Out – You know the call. It’s me, Fred, I’m in jail……..
4. Socialized Medicine – Experienced by guests at “puff, puff, pass” parties.
5. Obamacare – Much better than Obama don’t care, I tell you that.
6. Unfriend – When you stop seeing your "friend's" status updates in Facebook, you have been....
7. Recession – Happens to most men’s hair line after 30.
8. Blue Dog – Security dog that prevents the owner from entering or leaving the house.
9. Health Insurance Reform – Much like the “Reformed Catholic Church” most of the difference between that and the old insurance law lies in the semantics.
10. Bing – Useful if you can’t spell Google.
11. Swine Flu – A good excuse for any occasion.
12. Deficit Spending – A good example would a any mortgage payment made on Nevada real estate.
13. Bonus – Shared by bankers in the dead of night at a candle light meeting.
14. Too Large To Fail – A non performing member while with a willing spouse.
15. Public Option – The only option after your vehicle has been repossessed.
16. Foreclosure – Much like foreplay, it is the beginning of more interesting things to come.
17. Tweeter – Not to be mistaken for a twitter, immediately informs you the idiot has no idea what they are talking about.
18. Cash For Clunkers – All monies spent on your ex.
19. Peace Prize – Bought on the way home from the bar.
20. Kim Jong il – Elder brother to Menta lly il (Hat tip to Letterman for that piece right there).
There, that’s all of it, did I miss any?
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